at_this_point_in_my_life Piso Mojado http://www.about-tracy-chapman.net/newbeginning_lyrics.htm#atthispoint 031112 ... birdmad ...i'm not even going to pretend i know what the fuck i'm doing or talking about anymore 031112 ... no reason i wish i knew how to pretend. 031112 ... bird trust me, like everything else, i've been doing a pretty piss-poor job of that too 031112 ... a thimble in time heaven's here on earth... heaven's in (y)our heart 031115 ... x everything seems absurd 031115 ... stork daddy that's because you're finally paying attention 031115 ... Syrope i really don't know what i'm doing. so much is happening at once, and for the first time i'm fighting it - up until now the busier i've been, the happier i was, but now... i don't want to go so fast i don't like being this out of control i need a vacation i'm tired of being underappreciated i want people to notice when i'm angry i want you to apologize i want you to make the first move i want you to stop but don't stop... we can't stop... 031116 ... ferret i think i'm going through menopause 031116 ... oldephebe eh? 031116 ... Death of a Rose i'm trying hard not to give into letting my demons loose, keep them sated and well fed, because if i starve them they are not content. 031116 ... Zoe i feel settled. i've already questioned authority, already rebeled, already hated my parents, already thought about suicide, already decided that wasn't the answer. now i'm pretty calm, i'm comfortable with my beleifs, i realize my parent's faults, but also have learned to accept them, i like myself for who i am, i know who i am. 031116 ... minnesota_chris even my dreams have become pathetic and banal 031116 ... Dorky_me at this point in my life i dont see the point of loveing anyone. i dont see the point in ever going out with anyone at this point in my life i dont feel like living anymore 031122 ... ClairE Monday_drinking, masturbation, Vincent_Gallo. Somehow it is all okay. 031124 ... shivers alls numb 031124 ... stork daddy i might as well try. 031125 ... x i just keep running long_distance_runner 031125 ... no reason i'm slowly becoming me and everything's changing 040201 ... hyena i have defined myself to the point where i know what is acceptable and what is not, and what i must do to react to these. i_am_not_a_poet. no. i refuse to allow myself to be subjected to inappriate twitches. some things just aren't worth it. not even that. 040202 ... her royal highness the quirk ive had things ripped out from under me too many times. starting in fifth grade. (probably earlier too but i don't remember.) too much disappointment. i'm too young to be this bitter, but how else am i supposed to be when the people around me do shitty things to me then run away. oh and if you're reading this, i'm talking about more than just you. don't be so full of yourself. sheesh. 040202 ... Piso Mojado i have to believe that if_it_hurts_i_must_be_going_in_the_right_direction 041026 ... Piso Mojado i try i try i write 'practice nonviolence' on my hand, i do my best not to gossip i smile at strangers i catch myself in coping mechanisms and bad habits, etc. but then is the drive to fast fresh juice, green tea to feel hollow limbs hunger pains to rise above and be thin and light and cleansed two opposites, two sides of the same coin. flip 041214 ... Ouroboros the road is unfolding as my feet walk forward backward, in circles dance steps and warm embraces 060714 ... rage i feel eternally unsatisfied 060716 ... LS Ofcourse, rage. Theres always going to be SOMETHING...til we're dead, I guess. 060716 ... Ouroboros Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? 070205 ... . . 070206 ... f this website is truely driving me mad ahhhhhhh... just help me just help me just help me 070206 ... nom "there is no point" 070206 ... unhinged i teeter between contentment and frustration i stand on the brink of greatness but i'm afraid to leap over the edge i focus on what i want instead of what i have but i can see it now the clear light that my heart and mind create connected today i am content to have love yesterday i was frustrated because i thought i wasn't getting enough today i am content to have love for_him he is caught in his own suffering today i am content to be the raft that carries him across the wide river of his life today i don't mind if only i could bottle this contentment for the day when my legs give out from under me let me be the bridge the boat the ship that carries you across the water 070207 ... ClairE I've passed some threshold of confidence. I'm having fun. I love you to death. I have a cat. You have a cat. We're making a family. The sins of my past are receding. I'll still always be sorry. But I don't need to say it anymore. 090511 ... unhinged i'm_so_lonesome_i_could_die (and you know it's bad when i start quoting country songs) 090511 ... Ouroboros I don't know, but I'm making the time pass with entertaining distractions 091016 ... Ouroboros Almost midnight. Going to turn the heat off soon. Hopefully to bed soon. Under 4 blankets, fleece pants and jacket. 3 redwood trees. Clean air. Only sounds are of BART rushing by and Amtrack honking. Berkeley Hills. Hair is bleached blond, but I'm over it. First week of working for Alameda county with foster youth. My head is surrounded by the many crystals I have collected. Within reach are 2 books on crystals, my cell phone, and ear plugs. School is this weekend, and I am mostly prepared, and not looking forward to all the psychoanalysis. Manifestation, intention, truth, body speaks, spirit listens to lessons, nowhere to go but forward. M is too far away, but I have to let go and ride the decision I made to move out. 100128 ... hsg courage 100129 ... minnesota_chris at_this_point_in_my_life there really is no point 100129 what's it to you? who go blather from