in_convenience jane in convenience i slide my metrocard through two cold pieces of metal, which allows me to be struck in the lower abdomen by a bar, which is guarding the subway platform. i recall the scene in monty python’s holy grail with the guard of the bridge: “none shall pass.” glancing at the screen, i see i need to slide the card through again. the machine didn’t read my toll payment. i am thinking that this machine wasted thirty whole seconds of my valuable time and wishing i could chop all its appendages off [back to the holy grail, see]. it works this time and i step out onto the platform. the platform is hot and smelly, and the jacket i wear that was so practical outside in the almost raining atmosphere is now way out of line and i am forced to take it off and fold it over my arm, weighing me down. i am waiting. i wait. somehow i must have missed the last train by a hair, because i have watched three trains come and go on the other side of the tracks, but mine still hasn’t come. i, of course, am in somewhat of a hurry, which is when things out of my control love to stall me. i take out my cell phone to call my friend and tell him i’m going to be late. thankfully there is one bar of reception on my phone. i am waiting. it’s ringing. what’s the use, i think, frustrated, of having a cell phone if you never answer it?? as i hear him pick up the line after what seems like eight hours, the train decides to arrive. i hang up thinking anyone who doesn’t have their cell phone right next to them at all times deserves to wait for me. the subway ride is long and i have plenty to think about. i remember the day i got my own cell phone, back in high school. my mom gave me her old phone because i was using it more than she was. she upgraded to a phone she still doesn’t understand. this was my senior year in high school. senior year for me meant freedom, finally! a car! i no longer had to ask my friends who were older than me to drive me around and feel like an inconvenience to their schedules. now i am in new_york. the mecca of fast-paced living. i have no car here, i take the subway. i have a metrocard that i refill. actually, i have about eleven metrocards. i buy a new one every time i go on the subway because i don’t remember which cards still have a balance on them, and now it takes too much time to check them all. it’s worth it because the subway system is faster and cheaper than taking a cab all the time. plus, i love it. i love the idea that there’s this underground system we mole our way through all the time. i feel like i’m riding inside a red blood cell through the veins of new_york. they don’t have underground transportation where i’m from. if you want to get somewhere, you drive. oh sure, there are the trains that run up and down california, but no one ever really takes them, unless you’re trying to save some money. there, pride is more important than money. in new_york, cost of living is so expensive that it’s no longer an issue of pride. this subway car is one of the more dingy cars, which is okay with me because i like to read what people write on the walls. typhanie is a crackwhore. miguel was here. little pieces of culture and history line these walls. in the future, i imagine, they will examine subway walls for evidence on what life was like at the turn of the millennium. they will not find much. or maybe they’ll find everything. lost in my thoughts, i arrive at my stop. i run through the maze that is the platform and the stairs and the people. this is where i transfer to the other train. i don’t really know where i’m going because i was too scared to take the subway but once the entire first month i was here. not because of violence, because i was afraid of getting lost. fear moved aside for convenience. you have to learn sometime. i am no longer intimidated by the subway. i love it. the other train is cleaner, but hyper-air-conditioned. you would never think this would be a problem, but i don’t like feeling like i’m in a hospital. i put back on my problematic jacket, only to take it off five minutes later because it’s too hot. luckily, this ride is not as long as the first, and i walk up two hundred steps to meet with the light rain. i call my friend again. he answers his phone right away this time. “hey! where are you? yeah, well i tried to tell you earlier but your phone cut out: i’m stuck upstate tonight. sorry, i’ll call…” his phone cuts out. i guess he and his cell phone are looking at a divorce. he’ll have to get a new one, no one can live without one these days. last time i was visiting home i left my phone there by accident and had to wait five days before i got it mailed back to me. all of my contact numbers are in my phone, so i couldn’t really call anyone, even from someone else‘s phone. when i got my phone back there were seventeen messages on it. and i had checked them periodically from my home phone. five days using only the cell phone felt like a return to the old west or something. like five days without a computer, or maybe just the ability to email. we need instant communication. we need to be able to reach people wherever they are. we need to be able to get on a train and go across manhattan in five seconds. cell phones and metrocards, i thought. someone should write a country song. our desire for convenience and fast pace has led us to things which can further stall our time. bars blocking you from the subway. five thousand cards in your wallet. being on the train’s schedule. too much air conditioning. not enough air conditioning. cell phones cutting out, breaking, getting lost. people who aren’t available. no contact numbers. checking your messages. too much clutter. i lived without my cell phone for five days. as i walk back to the subway station, i remind myself to take my time, there isn’t anywhere i have to be. i slide my card through the machine and it allows me in this time. the train gets there as i get there. the ride is short and the temperature is fine. i climb ten stairs. i have no messages to check. the rain has stopped. impatience makes things take longer. relax. breathe. 031025 what's it to you? 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