i_l0ve_the_darkness_0f_my_being b0 i l0ve the darkness 0f my being n0t unlike the nighttime in its unc0mprehensi0n 0f y0u & i al0ne & t0gether in that h0ur when we cann0t see (with)in 0r with(0ut) us and we w0nder why we are here if understanding is illusi0n and blindness is truth . . .that's me but i l0ve t00 the lightness 0f my being n0t unlike the daytime in its illuminati0n 0f y0u & i al0ne & t0gether in that h0ur when the suns rises high en0ugh t0 take 0ff 0ur shad0ws and reveal us t0 us h0wever fleetingly in the purity 0f nakedness yeah. . . . . .that's me t00 001219 ... god applause 001219 ... tourist Y0u 're the master The p0et 0f ren0wn the t0urist b0ws bef0re y0ur pr0se unf0lding 001220 ... Rhin Black Glass & The Gamut... ...is what I call my mood swings, my depression, the dives that my soul takes. I take so much in, and I never let anything back out. So, at times, 'The Gamut' tries to take me. I have really done some hard living in my life, and I still continue to do so. So many memories I have, of abuse, and of death. It's fucking hard to think about. I have heard so many people say that, those who commit suicide, were cowards. I don't see it that way. It is just that they see and feel everything! I understand them. However, I am just stronger than they are, and I have created many outlets for my passions, and the things that threaten my very being. I am so in love, with many things in life...to the point, that it overwhelms me. I really see things. I see things that others don't want to see. I can lay silently upon the ground, watching a flower in bloom, and it just makes me cry. The simple beauty of watching each petal spread open, as it stretches out for the sunlight! Our planet, and it's inhabitants, just amazes me! I can't explain my love for it/us, and how I feel, when people destroy...not even caring about it/us. It's easy for most people to just brush it off, and allow someone else to worry & fight for what belongs to us. That is where I come in. Most people think life is a 9 to 5. "What did you do today, Sam?" Sam says, "Ohhhh, I ran some errands, worked, cleaned the house...oh! and listen to what this asshole did to me on the bus...etc." If you ask me what I did today, I will most likely, simply state, "I stared at my baby niece for an hour, completely entranced with her purity, and hoping she go will go through life, with her peepers open. Then, I noticed an aging, lone man, walking along side the road, and I stopped to offer him a ride, and inquired if he was warm, and has money for food, while wondering...what has he seen in life...what stories does he have to tell? I was intruiged by him, and I gave him my attention, which he fed on. I touched his arm, during the conversation, and hugged him, as I wished him well. One of the most important things in life, is the human touch. It is so healing, and loving, and everyone needs it! I might also say, that I finally succeeded in teaching one of my clients, how to count to ten, after working with her repetitively for a year, on this one goal. Then later, while outside, I bent over, to scoop a handful of snow, and stood there staring at it for a half an hour, oblivious to anything around me, as I wondered at the creation of each unique flake..." Oh god, it all just takes my breath away!!! These are the things to notice in life. These are the things that I remember about my days. I cry for everything beautiful, and for everything sad. I am a fighter! I am extremely passionate about my beliefs. One of the many reasons, why I succeed, in being a devout animal abuse activist & supporter of endang. species, along with my environmental causes, volunteering my time, working with the aging population, abused woman and children...you name it, I do it. I work 70-80 hours a week, as an Adult Habilitation Instructor for Individuals with mental/behaviorial handicapps. I teach them how to survive in the real world. Our world. I teach them how to survive in their world, even when their psychosis gets the best of them. I'm there for the good times, and I stand right back up, with a smile, after being knocked on my ass, on one of there bad days. I just don't have enough time to do everything I want to do. I just can't stand all of the pain in the world! I live with my eyes wide open. They are never closed. This is how the victims of suicide most likely see the world, they just lose strength in their fight, or just don't know how to deal with it in the first place. So, when The Gamut calls to me, alot of times I run to it, but then I stop, spit in it's face, and turn heel, stronger than ever, and fighting like hell! Most of the time, the things I see around me, bring me down, more so than what is going on inside of me...which is a good thing. But when it is all about me, then it's harsh, especially the feelings of self-pity, that can sometimes come along with it, which I hate. I can't stand for people to worry about me. I'm tired of everyone worrying about me. I can't stand for me, to worry about me. Actually, those I love should feel safe with me around. I would selflessly die, trying to fight for them, not because I see it as noble, and an easy way out, but just because I always take on a personal role as 'The Protector'. I see it as my duty, and because I would feel extremely offended, with my soul, and my very being, in question, if not given the opportunity. Anyway, I love my darkness, my eccentric passions, my deep-rooted love for so many things in life. These things bring me down, and test me alot. I really don't see my admissions here, as anything other than self-analysis. I'm just talking about what I know best, and that is me! The things I believe in, and the things I love, is the way it should be! I thank my God, every day, that I have never posessed an "I don't give a shit attitude!", because my darkness, shares the limelight, with my utterly pure, and fierce love, that I possess, for everything that I see and touch! Even though with all the good, comes all the bad, I am still so in love with my soul! Can't you see it? It's mine, and it's so amazing... 001220 ... . . 050508 ... rhin rest in peace. 050509 ... badass me Hopefully you'll be kind enough to clean up my spew, because it's all over the computer. 050509 ... flexible reminds me of the german quote at the beginning of vicious_spring (hampton-jones). "i love the dark hours of my being, when my senses deepen." 050510 ... superleni whatever happened to b0? 060518 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I love the unbearable lightness of being earnest. 060518 ... Ouroboros i_love_the_dark_hours_of my_being 060518 ... Emptyness Alive the way it surrounds me. keeps me going. protects me from others and myself. lets me think in private. 060519 ... b0 b0 has been in hiding since losing all of his p0etry, prose and papers in the great hard-drive crash of 2000. The 14 p0ems posted on this site, another handful in a university periodical, and a few more on the back covers of various mix tapes/CDs, are all that remain of his first 27 years. i'm still grieving... 080914 what's it to you? who go blather from