so_damned_tired bandersnatch i have been up sence 2pm. it is 8am(almost) and i am dead tired. but i cant sleep. i am also hungry and depressed. i have cleaned out my favorite brush for 15 mins. i have woken my dog up 3 or 4 times finding something to hug in my bead. i have spent 2 or 3 hours on lowbrow. i have about 3 hours on project2501. i have geven up on proper english (but not proper spelling, evne though im not good at it.) i have found that my digital camera i got for christmas and have used twice is out of batteries and broken so it only works with the adapter. i have lost the adapter. i want to take some phots and post them on the net. i put on my ring that i havnet worn for about 6 months. i might put on my other as well. i have brushed my hair. i have combed my beard. i have thought about showering, but am afraid i will fall asleep in there (even though ihave no fear of doing that in bed.) i watched an "interesting" movie in TNT about some guy who finds truelove working as the night janator at target. i am only in my boxers. i have tried to go to bed twice tonight. i have lyed in bed awake for a total of about 2 hours tonight. a bitmonx song just turned on. it is swarm. i starting this blath to say i am hungry. i would go to HEB to buy an adaptor and get soem fast food, but i am too tired to trust my driving. i thought about shaving my whole head for kicks not more than an hour ago. i want a burger. my throaght is sore from thirst. i am too tired/lazy to refil my glass of water. i have to help someone move tomarrow (not the classic joke "but this is tomarrow" but the real tomarrow, as in about ill leave around 26 hours from now.) i skipped dinner tonight because mom ws gunna cook after a beer or two at the bar. she called at 9 (sluring every word) and said she is going to martins because he is bbqing (bbqing drunk is alwase a smart idea). i spent 20 mins or so scrapping dead skin off my foot. my boxers have lots of happyfaces all over a black background. my comp sucks. would this be considered stream_of_conscience writing? would that make it cool? would that make me cool? i have no job. i owe my aunt $1000 for a car she helped me buy. i have to retake an eximption test because i failed by one point. i need to pick classes for college soon. orintation for school is next week. im gunna start working once all the highschool kids go back to school and quit all the jobs they stole from me. i am the steriotypical smart guy bum who who lives at home for too long and is a bum, but thinks its ok because he is smarter than most people, but never shows it... not even to his own satisfaction. i spent about 15 mins blowing over the hole in a dr. pepper bottle because i like the noise. i almost passed out because i got to into it. twice. every door in my house is unlocked because i am to tired/lazy to lock them. every door of my car is unlocked because it is ghetto and only unlockes from the inside. the font drivers window goes doen, but not up. because of that i have a garbagebag and ducktape incase it rains. the odometer is 105000ish miles. it quit working a year or so ago. the mechinism for changing the mirrors is screwup, so the only one aimed right is the rearvew mirror. i wrote this in hopes of tireing me out. ritting this woke me up. when i look up my hair tickeld the top of my back. it is time for a haircut. i am tired of my long hair. i want a new look for my hair. i dont want my hair to be dictated by popular fashion. i need to get out of the house more. but i am poor right now, and i am uncomfortable at all of my friends houses. somebecause of the ambience of the place. some because of their parents/siblings. but most because i cant handle long doses of my friends. they are anoying and most of them are stupid. i wish i had someone i could talk to. but family is too awkward, and friends are insitive or have too short of an atention span. i miss terisa. i never thought i would [say] that. eventhough she was too hyper, too loud, and too roudy i could tell her anything over the phone. i have a difficult time talking with her in person. my mom got mad because she thought we were going out. she is black. i am not. i want to be depressed. i want to be pissed. i dont want to be numb. i dont think anyone has read this far. for the last few months i have searched for things that intrest me. i have turned up only blanks. each time i think of something i get turned off. do i have no intrests, or do i killthem when i realise what they are? is there a difference? does it matter? i hate money. i hate the thought of money. i hate the pursuit of money. i need money. i hate needing money. fuck money. i dont like to cuss. i try not to. i used to be good at not doing it. but i have been brainwashed by tv, and the multitudes of tv drones. how can people say tv is not adicting. i am an adict. i am also a caffine addict. i went to the icehouse and picked up a bottle of bigred, and a liter of dr.pepper. i drank the bigred on the ride home (a 5 min drive) and the dr pepper around 10. i think the dp sparked this rambling. it is 8:21. this has to end sometime. i almost posted this under mash 030726 ... bandersnatch for all those who care: it is 9:16, and i am going to sleep g'night 030726 ... nomme g'night sleep tight don't let the bed bugs fight 030726 ... endless desire garage sale. 9 hours of setting up until late at night and taking down in the hot sun. selling to the beautiful garage sale culture. all to make very little money for a money needing cause. this morning i went in the house to go to the bathroom. about 15 minutes later, a girl walks into my parents bedroom and wakes me up. i have no idea how i fell asleep on their floor. but i was just lying there and i am really not sure why. every time i lie down, i feel as though my body is collasping. 030726 ... endless desire god, it must be a disease. why am i still here anyways? 030727 ... delial I was up until 8am this morning. My sister sent me a message asking if I was up. I said no. The things I do just to talk to you; damn i want to go to sleep already. 030727 ... Fire&Roses I get so damn tired of it all soemtimes... 030728 ... three words so_damned_tired i_talk_to_myself theres_noone_to_hold_me_down 051122 what's it to you? who go blather from