1. Piggy would be renamed “Mike Bullard”.
2. The boys would not be summoned by the call of the conch, but by a live recording of Jann Arden singing her patriotic favourite hit, “Waiting in Canada”.
3. Spears would not be used as weapons, instead, the violence would commence using brown stir-sticks from Tim Horton’s.
4. Simon would not choose solitude for personal reasons; he would be a Québecois separatist.
5. They would have to take a half hour to strap on their cross-country skis before laboriously and clumsily skiing around the fire.
6. Rather than starting to do a dance because of wild thunderstorms, Jack would command the beginning of the dance at the first sight of flurries.
7. “I’m the reason it’s no go…eh?”
8. Mike Bullard would die because of Roger, in a criminalistic fit, whipping a puck at his forehead, aiming to hit. Mike would stare, without even time for a grunt, and fall squarely on the hockey rink. His helmet would fly off, and his head would open and stuff would come out. Later on, Ralph would weep bitterly for a wise, true goalie named Mike Bullard.
9. Mike Bullard did not suffer from asthma, he suffered from SARS.
10. Simon discovered the Beast, and the Beast was a pleasant tourist named Pierre from Montreal who wanted nothing more but to take a photograph with Simon and a stop sign that saidSTOPinstead of “ARRÊT”.
11. Simon was bludgeoned to death with bags of milk—not as effective as jugs of milk, but more Canadian.
12. The reason Mike was picked on so frequently was not because of his winter blubber or his glasses, but because he was born in Newfoundland. They put him in a circular room and told him to pee in the corner.
13. The choir obeyed and worshipped Jack because he had used his vocal talents to win Canadian Idol.
14. The boys, when the turmoil between Jack and Ralph became too tense, divided themselves into the Yorks, and the U of T’s.
15. Alternative to #14, other divisions: The Ontarians Vs. The Maritimers, The Iraqi-Liberators Vs. The Bushwhackers, or The Toronto Maple Leafs Vs. The Montreal Canadiens.
16. Ralph was unfazed when he was stabbed in the ribs by a stir-stick. “Big deal,” he thought, “We have free health care.”
17. After the traumatic experience of good vs. evil in the frigid cold of Canada, the boys were relieved when the officer sent them by cruiser to a deserted tropical island to finish hashing it out.
18. The boys did not braid or tie back their hair. Buddy, for what purpose did you think toques were invented, anyway?!
19. As opposed to Simon talking to the pig’s skull on a stick, he conversed at length with an American flag on a pole. (Nice symbolism.)
20. When the officer mentioned Coral Island, the boys would shake their heads slowly. “Hm, no…doesn’t ring a bell. Are you sure you don’t mean This Hour Has 22 Minutes?”
magicforest Also see
Death of a Rose heheheh 031102
niska lord of the flies is a warning for society: revolution will come as the growing, young population of proletariats increases.

"we're all just kids running a...."

the rest is my business, but it was said by someone wise, who identifies the problem, though has chosen to exploit it, rather than solve it.

kids running anything is a bad idea. i can't say i'd do much of a good job either - i'm not selfless enough to put anyone's needs before my own, and i'm finding that the forced situation to do so is a heart-breaking struggle to maintain my inegrtiy.

kids are impetuous; there is less consequece than confidence when you're as young as jack and ralph.

revolution is only born when we've had enough, but as all revolutions in the past, we wind up where we left off - on the one side of the fence we never wanted to be waiting on.

most of you will have no clue what my ramblings mean, so i apologize. there's a personal issue i just need to expound upon, and here is where i chose to do that.
magicforest I have much more faith in children than I do in adults, Niska.

Why such societal_pessimism?

I was once there too.

But it's harder to act than be swept away in the ebb and tides of futility, no?
celestias shadow Come on, have a LITTLE bit of faith in us young'uns, niska. Give us a bit of a chance, eh? 031109
niska because, magicforest, children should never be burdened with the responsibility of leading a society.

that requires consideration, forethought and reason.

children, on the other hand, should be able to hang onto imagination as long as they can.

responsibility erases fantasy. children aren't equipped. and it's good for them to not be.
whitechocolatewalrus I am afraid that the kids did not land on the island because they wanted to see what it was like to try and bring order and rule to a new formed society. It doesn't matter whether the kids should or should not be allowed such responsiblity, they had no choice. 031206
whitechocolatewalrus and I know you were referring to the earlier comment about more faith in children than in adults, but I just had to make my point anyway. I don't really have that much more faith for either side. Most people, young and old, care more about themselves and their personal gain than they do for the good of other people. I'm not saying that this is true for everyone, but it is for most people. People love power by nature. I might even go so far as to say that children know less about the good feelings of power and prestige than do adults, thereby making them less vulnerable to the need for it (although I'm not sure if this really works). Children usually want to look better in the light of their peers. I'm not sure if this would be good or bad. It could mean that they would be good leaders because they would want everyone to be happy and do what pleases everyone so they would be liked. Or it could mean that if they are in charge, they think that everyone will like them because they are in charge and no one will care about whether or not what the leader does is good or evil. In my argument, this could be considered as being on the side of magicforest and celestias shadow, or it could be on the side of niska. I think probably the first because I don't think Niska should be trodding on the youth so much, youth never get enough credit. 031206
magicforest youth_vs_age

Interesting. I like Niska's point. I agree, actually. But I don't find adults superior to children.

niska i think you're right, magicforest - adults have much to learn from children. for some freaky reason, we move in the opposite direction, thinking it's foreward, but we lose our own selves.

it's sad what we forget, when we have to be responsible. we begin to reason, and we forget what life is supposed to be - just fucking happy.
magicforest EXACTLY. I agree EXACTLY, Niska.

May I have permission to email you? I wish to e-speak with you privately.
niska i think i did put my email address on one of my posts...

and i'm sure there's now a link from the name to that address...

unless i haven't? god i haven't been here is a long while.

it's funny you bring that up - i use hotmail for things on the internet that aren't work/family related, and i couldn't check that email forever, because i forgot the password...

but it's all good now - i'm: jenniske@hotmail.com

i don't even think it's necessary that you ask, really...
what's it to you?
who go