broken_hearted
unhinged i_just_wish_i_mattered_to_you
not in the way your car matters
or the dependablity of your towel hanging on the back of the door when you get out of the shower matters;
not the way having beer in the fridge after a bad day of work matters
not the way going to mom's to do laundry matters

but the way that every breath you take is painful when you aren't breathing in molecules of me
the way your lips and hands ache to be touching me
the way you feel the need for me always to be well and happy; cuddled and spoon_fed when i am sick
the way you understand when i am anxious and sad that all i need is some love, the best medicine
the way you would stand in the front screaming all the words at me if i was in a rock band

that just some of the things i did for you
because_you_mattered_to_me
you would do for me to
without me asking
without me pleading
without a single plaintive sigh

the piece of my heart you occupied so huge
that when you broke it off and took it with you
such a tiny amount left to beat
that i felt that it might stop
that everyday without you
i border on silence
the breath slowly still
the tiny little fragments left ragged beating
your huge piece that you took away
the ghost pain of an amputated limb
so that somehow these small pieces left
reach out to each other
and continue to live

i wish i could get you to believe
that there is such a thing as a
genuine honest intention
that i truly only ever wanted
you to be happy
because i could live vicariously through you that way
happy
to see you smile i smile
broken i break
i do
but i know now
break i'm broken
you still smiling your eyeless smile
drug numbed and socially dead
broken long before me
barely effected by me
nothing i can do good enough
you_failed_me
oh god did i fail you
so blue
broken_hearted

they will not hear
what they don't want to hear
they cannot hear
what they don't believe
you never believed me
and that is what has left me most broken
that words i could be so afraid to say from the bottom of my heart poured out of me and
you never believed me
041023
...
. sighs 041023
...
from now on soup_or_glue 041024
...
Syrope i never want to take another walk like that. it's been over 4 years. my heart still catches in my throat when that song plays. 041024
...
magicforest we all amaze me 041024
...
unhinged they will not hear
what they don't want to hear
they cannot hear
what they don't believe
you never believed me
and that is what has left me most broken
that words i could be so afraid to say from the bottom of my heart poured out of me and
you never believed me

i sat at the kitchen table with you
brought you beer
and you with that eager smile
such a self_proclaimed fabulous night
'look at me...who could stay mad at me for long?'

and you know it
you know it
you motherfucker
that i couldn't stay mad for long
i always come back
a glutton for punishment
and you were going to walk away
without giving me a hug

they will not hear
what they don't want to hear
they cannot hear
what they don't believe
you never believed me
and that is what has left me most broken
that words i could be so afraid to say from the bottom of my heart poured out of me and
you never believed me
041025
...
f can you tell me what my heart looks like today? 041027
...
pain.of.living shatterd. fucking shattered.
i feel for every person who knows what its like to fucking crumble appart in the hands of someone you thought loved you.....
041028
...
f I want to hold you close like a lute,
so we can cry out with loving.

You would rather tyhrow stones at a mirror?

I am your mirror and here are the stones.
041220
...
unhinged while it might sound crazy to you
since i never told you
i can't watch you be with someone else
i can't be with you
knowing you're with someone else
i want you completely
and all to myself
but that's not what i mean to you



a person doesn't know unless you tell them
i always feel unable to speak
they took my ability to say what i feel
from me
i don't know how to get it back
but they don't know
unless you tell them


another face
of the monster that eats it's own tail
080708
...
unhinged i_just_wish_i_mattered_to_you


until i can find someone
where the mattering
can be said
can be exchanged mutually
i will always be
brokenhearted
090217
...
Lemon_Soda I don't know whats going on...


Can a heart be broken if you don't even know if the blow is coming?
090218
...
unhinged i can't help but wonder if i did the right thing this time
with the cut_and_run

maybe i won't find something better
maybe you were all i deserve
090908
...
epitome of incomprehensibility I don't like the expression, but I've definitely felt that way...
One of the dark sides of love of any kind is that it causes division: there are preferences and exclusions and breakups. Natural enough sometimes, and sometimes "Why???"

Something relating too, maybe to argument_for_love, but I didn't feel like being serious.

Ah, feelings. Nasty little things. Almost as bad as ideas sometimes.
090908
...
unhinged your_love_is_distant and the silence is deafening 100218
...
unhinged i've been this way for so long over you; i've almost forgot us before all of it. when we are together, i forget.


but i can't forget
that until recently
just walking down the street
without_you
could make me cry


i was walking down the street
crying
on the bus
crying
because of you
100821
...
nit oh my god!

you must be a girl for sure!
100822
...
unhinged yes, because only girls get broken hearts and cry in public.


you must be a boy from the ignorant shit you've been saying around here under the guise of logic.
100822
...
nit ha ha your're a crybaby girl 100822
...
that guy over there appropriate that this one calls itself "nit"

an unhatched louse egg, by definition

or, what we used to call a shit_raker
100824
...
unhinged . 130529
...
Raina her I am in a situation that I cannot easily get myself out of.

not sure if I really want to go

?I just stare at the shattered pieces of my heart and wonder if it's ever worth fixing.

stuck for the moment
130530
...
unhinged i wont force the issue
either you care or you dont


now i_remember_why
i_stopped telling people how i feel
my feelings have never been enough
or_maybe
my feelings have always been too much



either way
the result is the same
131230
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from