things_you_tell_yourself Fire&Roses Life goes on. Everything changes, everything. No regrets. Don't Worry, Be Happy. Have Fun. Noone can make you do anything. Get up. Go on. Curiousity did not kill the cat, carelessness did. Smile. Sometimes it even helps... 030814 ... Arwyn today will be better than yesterday... It's okay. Don't be so insecure. 030814 ... x blah blah etc. the problem is that i no longer believe myself i can't figure out what my genuine thoughts are anymore, or how i feel it would be really upsetting, if i could be upset fly under a thumb 030814 ... delial Don't worry, it'll all be fine. Eventually things will be better again. 030815 ... oldephebe sometimes, no wait, often we create our own vortex of despair, simply by what we choose to tell ourselves about our capacities to contend with adversity, and/or by exponentially exacerbating our perception of objective reality by investing our advesary or problem with a lot of attributes they simply do not possess, I do it a lot - sometimes I catch myself brewing my own pot of festering mysticism sometimes I don't - I try to tell myself to be vigilant, and really try to screen/distill my self-talk through the *bs-o-meter (if i can appropriate someones delightfully insouciant and apt appellation) any way as any bargain basement psychologist will tell you (often really blandly in that tone of voice reserved for the congenitally cognitively impaired or that mildly retarded cousin no one likes to acknowledge) so all the jocularity and compulsive parenthetical asides ASIDE, the things we choose to tell ourselves can either tear us down or build us into to that impenetrable tower of (no not ineptitude - I'm all out of adjectives and modifiers..) of ..of competance and stability...hmm that doesn't sound right but I think you get the jist.. we can construct our own architectures of coping - we can radically shift our percption(s) I think it's called misbelief conditioning we condition ourselves to conjure up these woeful characterizations of ourselves/we imbue the common and quotidian with life or death significance - we skew our own neuro-chemistry with the things we say to ourselves those thought processes can be altered, changed renovated by replacing them with an equally powerful and repetitive opposite (wow I'm being lifted out of my fugue just by writing this, no really I'm not being sarcastic this time) well that's enough for now - I'll check in later ... later 030815 ... misstree bingo. Momma Chaos loves you, and is looking out for you, and has your best interests in mind even when she shoves you in the gutter. A wonderful fantasy... the only part i don't fully "believe" is that she has my best interests in mind... but, as god is made by the thoughts of man, because i serve her will (making people happy and having fun and spreading the Weird), she'd rather have me capable of doing such, and dancing and prancing and playing to entertain her. Live by the foma that makes you wise and brave and happy and free. Even if it occasionally sounds like a hallmark card. 030815 ... JustOnMonday Don't think. Just shut the fuck up and go. Regret doing something, not doing nothing. You are a freak, get over it and have fun. At this rate I will become a nun or die at the prime age of 30 from lack of sexual action. Don't give up, maybe a he will love me tomorrow. 040803 ... witchesrequiem I never did mind the little things.. I am not seeng/hearing this.. They need to grow the fuck up. A bullet to the head will just put your ass in the hospital.... your not lucky enough to go home. 040804 ... kookaburra no, really, you're okay no, i'm serious- i mean it now-no really you're okay... BELIEVE ME! 040804 ... ivyducktwilightseto Very true phebe, and I do realize that I do these things to myself most of the time... but I rarely see any use in thinking or doing otherwise. Don't ask me why, but we all feel the need to be depressed some time... all the time.... it makes little difference . 040804 ... pete one month to go... and then life begins again from the hibernation known as summer (oh the life of a university nerd) 040804 ... (z) (is there another self? how about youself or theyself. myself seems redundant.) 040804 ... unhinged it doesn't matter nothing matters don't look in the mirror stay away from the mirror you are fat you are ugly you are dumb and stupid it doesn't matter i don't want to wake up tomorrow let's just stay in bed you could be pretty if you worked at it maybe you aren't so bad at the violin it doesn't matter don't look in the mirror it would feel so good just to drag it.... echoing_thought i miss him i hate him i don't need him i miss him it doesn't matter don't look in the mirror 040804 ... (z) (u: the above has no non linked words.) 040804 ... Splinty You ugly, stupid, disgusting, wierd, self-centered bitch... Why the hell would anyone like you? Theyd be better of if you were dead. And you're creeping her out. Shes straight dammit, stop thinking pervy thoughts. You're gross. I hate you. 040805 ... Syrope this is going to be different 040805 ... the patient "wait it out, be patient" (i_must_keep_reminding_myself_of_this) 040805 ... ivyducktwilightseto most of the times it feels like there are a hundred voices in my head, murmuring different things, telling me what to do, what not to do, what I've done wrong, yelling at me, screaming at me. Sometimes they sing in chorus, sometimes one overpowers all, sometimes my mind is filled with noise, and there is no peace and no silence. I guess this qualifies as me telling myself things? Because I get the feeling that there is no me anymore. 061210 ... nom shhh 061210 ... theFish say them with enough conviction and they will become true 061211 ... That is so. Sometimes I tell myself "lol". 061211 ... unhinged it's not worth it to tell him how i feel all products are impermanent all conditioned existence is suffering he'll turn away things will be weird it's not worth it to tell him how i feel 061211 ... Christ without the cross maybe it is worth it but I am a hopeless optimistic. 061211 ... Christ without the cross That love conquers all. I still think its true. 061211 ... unhinged . + if the same thing happens to you over and over it must be you wake_up 140604 what's it to you? who go blather from