bizzar User24 hey! you on AIM right now? 030630 ... Bizzar Why yes I am 030630 ... User24 cool, did you get my contact request? 030630 ... User24 if not, please try sending a message to asdsdjdasd22 I'm using odigo and I'm not sure if it's working 030630 ... Bizzar I guess I didnt ge the first one, but I got the second one, obviously... :-) 030630 ... I have 2 cuz Im special. yup. and now you have your own blathe! 030630 ... Bizzar I know. Very much appreciative. Ive always wanted one! =) Muchos thanks. 030630 ... Rayne I'm not even sure why I decided to post this.. this was written a little while ago, but here it is: She was the best friend I’ve ever had and she showed me a lot of things. For 6 years we were inseparable. We laughed and fought and hugged and cried together. Everyone always knew us as me, and her all the time. Nobody could mess with her without messing with me. Her battles were mine too. She was like my sister and I loved her with all my heart. I hated to see her cry, or upset and I was there when she needed someone to listen. My shoulder will always welcome her tears. We would take the same classes and pass notes back and forth. And no matter what it was good or bad, I could always tell her anything and she would always be there to give me advice on whatever it may be. She always seemed to be able to put things into perspective for me. There were other friends and many crushes on boys we never wanted to admit to. (We even numbered them so their names wouldn’t be released.) There were many nights we would stay up late into the morning and just talk about anything and everything. There was always laughter and many inside jokes. There is about 4 notebooks out there full of them. We would take walks down the street just to be outside, rent movies and eat popcorn and make orange julices’. We even promised that we would be each other’s maid of honor in our wedding. The problem was always that she had a boyfriend and I never did. There were silly nights in my basement singing songs, and making up dances and breaking chairs. We used to take trips to church singing N’sync as loud as possible. She always had the voice of an angel. Being onstage with her and a microphone was the best feeling. I loved sharing that experience with her. As I type this, I sit here and think where did the time go? What really went wrong? How did I lose the best friend I’ve ever had?! What did I do that was so wrong? I know I tend to mess up a lot of things but I didn’t mean to do it this time. Whatever it was that I did to drive her away was not intentional. I never tried to hurt her because I cared about her. I never put anyone in front of her because she was always number one. I did everything I knew how at the time. I don’t even think she cares about me anymore. She could care less if I’m still alive. If we were so close what happened that tore us apart? If our bond was so strong, what force could break it? I have so many questions in my mind about her. What she’s like now, how her life has been, where she’s headed, what her goals are. How her boyfriend is treating her, how her family is doing. I enjoyed being the one that she called when something happened. I tried my hardest to be there for her and show her that I cared. If I could say one thing about her it would be that I really do still care about her and I miss her more than any words could say!! 040627 ... sanguineous maybe if a sister by your definitions is someone you keep around to make you feel better about yourself. all you ever did was lie and talk shit about me to everyone else who you thought wouldn't tell me. well they did. because of you i almost lost the most important person in my life. the only one who treats me like a human and loves me for my flaws and everything else that comes along with me. because of you i can't trust anyone anymore. not even the ones who are more than worthy of my trust. because of you i was kept at the lowest level of self esteem i had ever been at in my life. i'm sorry that you seem to be looking at it all with such a rose colored hue. that's not the way they were. and i can see that now. you told people things that were meant for your ears only. you took things i said and twisted them around and tried to fuck with my life. you showed my ex (that at the time i was trying to fix things with) things that i had written that were for you to see. you told him everything i was telling you and then you fucked him and lied to me saying you would never do it again. and then you took his side when we were going through our final months. i don't care what you were going through friends don't do that shit. i would have never done it to you. please. don't miss me. don't wonder what i'm doing or where i'm headed cause i'm fine. i'm better off now than i ever was. and it's not that i don't care, i care about all humans especially the ones that played a big part in my life, it's that i can't have you in my life bcause you fucked me over one too many times and i can't look past shit like that. i don't care what anyone says people don't change. i've been screwed enough in my life and i intend to keep people who are most likely to do it again out of it. yeah we had a lot of good times and we shared alot but to me the bad outweighs the good in this situation. so that's it. that's where it ends. just leave it alone and get on with everything else in your life now. it's not worth thinking about anymore. 050708 ... bizzar she knew nothing of the sins comitted against her until it was too late. until the damage had been done. that's what she gets for letting her guard down. again. 050820 ... daf It took awhile to get back to you properly. I'm sorry for that. What you put out there meant a lot. It has been a month of priorities pushing and tugging relentlessly, but you're high on that list now that you took the time share. I'll have some soon. Until then see also: look_at_him_go 220310 what's it to you? who go blather from