answering_machine mad madame mim On a volé jusqu'ici pour te voir Mes sentiments et moi-même j’ai regardé la ville en bas Depuis le ciel tout là-haut Le soleil se réfléchissait Sur les toits et sur l’eau Le printemps était précoce Dans les jardins et dans la vieille ville Je suis venu avec une mission Celle de rafistoler un rêve On a marché et j’ai parlé et mes paroles ont été avalées Par le répondeur téléphonique J’ai fait deux mille milles Juste pour pourvoir te regarder Mais tu étais brisée et gelée Comme le cœur brisé d'une statue Je me suis regardé dans les miroirs blindés Là où avant se trouvaient tes yeux Et j’ai appelé à l’aide Dans le répondeur téléphonique Le jour s'est écoulé, et j'ai essayé et j'ai essayé Tu m'as emmené à la maison et tu as dit bonne nuit Dors bien Par terre à côté de la porte de la chambre Je t’ai regardé dormir et je suis parti avant le jour Les insectes ne piquent pas Les insectes ne piquent pas Les insectes piquent Depuis le pays des hommes glacés Jusqu’à celui des hommes dépressifs Nous avons voyagé ensemble Mais nous étions toujours seuls Alors si jamais je t’appelais Tu ferais mieux de ne pas décrocher Parce que je ne suis pas bon pour toi et tu n’es pas bonne pour moi Je m'en sortirait avec le répondeur téléphonique Je suis un ami du répondeur téléphonique 000101 ... girl i get so irritated when people dont leave messages on my machine... but... i get so irritated when i get a machine instead of a person that i wont leave a message 000510 ... Ani Difranco im down at the diner the diner down at the corner i ordered 2 coffees and one was for you i think you should join me cuz i aint got no money and i really miss you i should mention that, too. but my quarters gonna run out now or so i'm told so i will Wait for you Wait for you until my coffee gets.............. 000604 ... moonshine I hate answering the phone, Its quite dreadful.. I never know whats on the other end. I pulled the cord out of my bedroom wall. So i have an answering machine and thats even more Malicious.Now you can leave a message and i can play it back a hundred times just to make sure thats what you "really" said. 000605 ... Bekki Know what I really hate?? I hate when someone calls and the answering machine waits until YOU answer and decides to pick up. That has got to be one of the most annoying things in the world! 000605 ... samayyel and when my phone doesn't ring... i know it must be you 000605 ... sannyasi Hello, you've reached the Silly Voices Preservation Society. If you have a contribution, please leave it after the tone. 000609 ... daxle everyone sounds flustered the first time they get my answering machine, not sure if they have the right number or not my mom in fact is flustered every single time "hey jord, HOWS it GOIN?!" is it so hard to understand? it's a greeting- everyone can be jord, and I'm just asking hows it goin maybe it the fact that it's someone else asking hmmmm 000610 ... The Schleiffen Man the message i pondered leaving on my dorm room machine: "A is for Academics B is for Beer One of those is the reason why we're not here.... please leave a message...." But then i realized that i don't drink, so it lost it's charm 000610 ... evolutionending so we go to the pub and watch the girls of summer 001230 ... daxle my mom still precedes almost every message with "so I see you still haven't changed that message" I wish "Do you know what's wrong with the world todayyyyyy? Oneeeeonssss" was on it instead but jord will have to do 010118 ... daxle "it's no wonder that guy doesn't call you back! he was probably scared to death by the message that you STILL haven't changed" -mom 010803 ... Aimee "you have reached 774-2919 please leave a message. thanks. bye now" my mom refuses to bloody change it... and people call me dull... 010803 ... bijou "hello..........hello.....listen, i know you're there i can hear you breathing!" 010803 ... kuleilani "hi, this is the Big O (otis redding.). i was just standin here, thinkin about you, and thought i'd write a song about you and dedicate it to you. take a listen." beeep. 010803 ... Weed Eater Yes, I think it's ridiculous that so many people are uncreative with their answering machine messages...I mean, why do people follow the standard format and leave instructions as to what to do, "after the beep, leave a message"... DUH! Good thing you told me, otherwise I may have confused that "beeeeeep" sound with the tsunami warning signal devices and ran towards higher ground! Ok? I trust that there will be no more of this sillyness in the future!! Hep hep! 010804 ... MisterFunkadelic This one's just for my ex-wife after i caught her with another man and she tried to hit me up for an increase in alimony "On the advice of my atorney, all i have to say is: "BITCH i'm not here! leave a message" 010805 ... Effingham Fish If you recognize this voice, you probably know who I am, already. If you don't, there's no point in telling you. Either way, leave a message and I'll call you back. Maybe even if I don't know you. 011130 ... SuicidalAngel Okay so I do telemarketing, and I would say about 50% the people's answering machines are "Hello? Hello? Just kidding"..and about 85% of people have their kids talking.. "Hewow.. we not heeere wite now.. " oh god annoying! Lets get creative! 011130 ... Norm If you're callin' 'bout the car I sold it If this is Tuesday night I'm bowling If you've got somethin' to sell, you're wastin' your time, I'm not buyin' If it's anybody else, wait for the tone, You know what to do And P.S. if this is Austin, I still love you 011201 ... A voice in the night In the beginning you attempt to be creative but after a few of those it gets quite boring and after awhile you just want the damn recording to be over with. Screw all the games, the answering machine is there for a purpose if you are afraid to leave a message then it is your problem. Some people don't use caller id and they won't know you ever called. 040219 ... meh... marzipan 040220 ... her royal highness the quirk i hate the way i sound on answering machines and voicemail, but other people think it's entertaining. i just don't like listening to myself talk. 040221 ... who me? me is not here right now, me is drunk on bed going to hurl. please leave a message and I'll get back to you after the hangover. 040513 ... seizure beep beep im an answering machine i mean to say i say what i mean 060523 ... xxxxxxxxxxxx me no talk today 060524 ... z o superman. o judge. o mom and dad. mom and dad o superman. o judge. o mom and dad. mom and dad hi. i'm not home right now but if you want to leave a message just start talking at the sound of the tone hello? this is your mother are you there? are you coming home? hello? is anybody home? well, you don't know me, but i know you. and i've got a message to give to you. here come the planes. so you better get ready. ready to go. you can come as you are, but pay as you go pay as you go and i said: ok. who is this really? and the voice said: this is the hand, the hand that takes this is the hand, the hand that takes this is the hand, the hand that takes here come the planes they're american planes made in america smoking or non-smoking? and the voice said: neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds 'cause when love is gone, there's always justice and when justice is gone, there's always force and when force is gone, there's always mom hi mom! so hold me, mom, in your long arms so hold me, mom, in your long arms in your automatic arms your electronic arms in your arms so hold me, mom, in your long arms your petrochemical arms your military arms in your electronic arms laurie anderson - osuperman - big science 060525 ... pete i often hang up on them because they're not the person i want to talk to, even if it speaks in her voice. 070502 ... pete two calls, machine both times, good thing she doesn't have caller id, next time i leave a damn message 070502 ... pete message left, damn machine, but that wasn't so hard was it? 070502 ... bugged criss cross lingo... why have an answering machine... ! stop kuffing me . 070503 ... paul westerberg try and breathe some life into a letter losing hope never be together my courage is at its peak you_know_what_i_mean how_do_you say you're okay to an answering machine? how_do_you say_goodnight to an answering machine? big town's got its losers small town's got its vices a handful of friends one needs a match one needs some ice call_waiting phone in another time zone how_do_you say i_miss_you to an answering machine? how_do_you say_goodnight to an answering machine? try to free a slave of ignorance try and teach a whore about romance how_do_you say i_miss_you to an answering machine? how_do_you say_goodnight to an answering machine? how_do_you say i'm_lonely to an answering machine? the message is very plain oh, i hate your answering machine 130112 what's it to you? who go blather from