it_isn't_about_you knot meat I. you're the girl trapped between mondays and memories you made up. your own interpretations and other people's suggestions take their turns with you. it's not pretty, but you're the girl the uptight dominated husband wants to lash out at in the dark of a downtown theatre. you don't seem to mind the anonymity of that. you haven't broken love into finer categories yet, but i know you will. you see only what every lover has in common and not where they differ, you see only blood red perfection, only rythmic assertations. you do not see the difference clear in the resigned guesser and the striver. you see only that what they want, what they offer is the same, only one knows it and the other does not. you're the girl who i wanted to be different. you're the girl who i wanted to break me from it all. you're the girl who i wasn't fair to. you're the girl who i got wrong. you painted carelessly with your tongue, you wanted a canvas forced upon you, so that you could record your struggles to exist. and yet it was never passive. you're the girl who almost made me great. there is perhaps more to say about you than so many others, because you change as i do, you are perhaps more sensitive to that than i've ever seen. you are innocent, in that you're waiting, waiting to see what someone else will say if you act how someone else suggested. you are a messenger between forces in this world. you will surpass all those who thought they used you. you will be devastatingly deep, in one shallow grave after another, there isn't a lifestyle you couldn't live, because you have learned how to cry, and how to pretend to cry, and you've almost learned the difference. II your arms are smooth, and easy, like one point of guernica concentrated on, the rest of the mural witheld in your eyes. your lips, they rarely go as far as they've imagined, they rarely give birth to hemingway or mouth out the chaos of world wars before the world knew there was a world. but there seems moments when they could, they too teem with more information than they know how to harness, explosive tragedies waiting, waiting for the peasantry in my arms, the foolish hero in my breath. in short i am frightened. in your kiss i see clearly, how easy it is to change something to which there is no quick circle back to, to which only patient dust will ever touch again. i cannot say bold things like if i were to take you, then this then this rather, if i were to let you take me with you, i would no longer be a beginner, i would no longer have an excuse for not knowing all i don't know. if i kissed you and could not make the world feel blessed that such things arise in it, then there is nothing i could tell to the world, there is no way i could ever even for a moment not be trapped within myself. if i kissed you and did not run away from working at some kinko's with my nametag that says hello my name is kafka, well i'd be cutting myself off from the part of myself that learns, that generalizes boldly, that does not disintegrate into sameness. there are times when you, and your stranger's kiss, are the only argument against entropy. nothing i can say can make you realize the myth you are in my mind, the beauty, the sublime realization before i fall to sleep. that bridge between who i am, and all of the people i once could've been, slowly fading untill i see you embracing them in the shale curtains of dreams, where the sky is both burying and buried, and reality is an unearthing kiss away. 030427 ... megan i swear. 030809 ... oldephebe my god! "see you embracing them in the shale curtain of dreams where the sky is ...buried" you have given me a moment of abundance I love that "in the shale curtain of dreams" thankyou for relieving my malaise if only for a brief time I'm sure I will come back to these words again and again heart wrending beauty later 030809 ... sixteen i'm likin it 030825 ... once again Your words speak to my soul. 030907 ... jane if it isn't about you who is it about? 030907 ... Piso Mojado im sorry, but i cant sacrifice 'me' for 'we' right now. 030907 ... no reason it never is yet it always seems to be these games are confusing me and killing me and making me confusing. 030907 ... lycanthrope the you in me. the things which feel like means. there is another you. the you which feels like ends. 030908 ... jane means to an end, eh? you sound like you bit off more than you could chew 030908 ... lycanthrope no...i knew when to stop. i walked off full of you and slept by a river, i looked in a stream and inhabited another's sky. i never planned on anything more. it was a hunger i had forseen, and i knew where it would lead me. i also knew where it would end. i grow tired of the binging and purging. but it's never more than i can chew. 030909 ... jane planning doesn't mean things go your way 030909 ... werewolf no...the devil's in the details and the unforseen sits in the dark night of your world and makes your candle flicker. 030924 ... jane ...& then he went out. hey, whatever keeps things coming. sometimes it's good to be in the dark 030924 ... werewolf she exposed to you a callousness you hide better from others. because she demanded more from you. 050923 ... icy . 050923 ... unhinged boys like you are the cage i keep myself in far from realizing the capacity for love that bursts inside of me boys like you are the safehouse for my self_disgust all your petty little details your childhood tragedy your drugs your guns are not unique to me i feel safer when my heart goes unnoticed a weird dichotomy in me that all the objective analyzing in the world can't quite place my soul shrinks from taking love from someone else i want to give it all away so boys like you have become my insular little cage boys afraid to love boys unable to love boys pretending to unlove you fit the bill so neatly the lock on my cage the vacuum to suck up all the light i feel safer knowing that you won't reach out in return 050923 ... sionnach . 120821 what's it to you? who go blather from