what_we_meant_to_each_other unhinged i try to think of you as a past event. something that has already come and gone. i fill my head with echoing lies and deceit. hoping that's all i mean to you. knowing too well the frightened look reflected in your eyes. i know things about you that you haven't told me. the same things about myself i run from. wordless_conversations abre los ojos abre los ojos abre los ojos we could rebuild the ruined church of each other. we met each other on a mistaken trajectory, like planes that accidentally collide in the sky. you_and_i we both hang silent thinking we could deny it. a mistaken trajectory, a broken path, an abandoned temple. abre los ojos abre los ojos 050422 ... palm gah! 050422 ... whitechocolatewalrus i like this a lot. 050423 ... . sitting outside the library with the soft dark skies and warm wind i meant something to him he meant something to me it was real 050423 ... unhinged gah? gah fo_sure as_it_were 050424 ... unhinged it's only been about two months, but it feels like i've known you for most of my life. what am i going to do without_you ? 050513 ... misstree i can't even look it in the eye now that it's cold and glassy 050513 ... unhinged one week almost to the hour and i'll be gone; i sat on your couch last night trying not to cry. it didn't help that you were listening to jeff_buckley when i got there. hallelujah...love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. you still want her. you still wear her pants. you_and_i i'm not sure what that means and we spend so much time smoking ourselves stupid, trying hard to deny it. pretending that if we don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. you_and_i i talk about leaving to get any reaction out of you. your eyes crumble just the slightest bit 'that sucks' and i see what you aren't saying: 'what am i going to do without you?' but you still want her. you still wear her pants. you_and_i an impossibility a ghost a blackhole escapism at most silently reduced to the friend once again you still want her but you've got me silent and waiting but i saw it even though you try to hide it 'what am i going to do here without you?' abre los ojos abre los ojos abre los ojos 050516 ... Ari means 050516 ... mt "all i ever lerned from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya." buckley echoes pain in two universes at once. 050516 ... Lemon_Soda I don't know what I meant to her. She meant a new life to me. Still does...but in a different way then before. "I think...even if this doesn't work out, and we're not together anymore...I'll still do my best to better myself..." 050517 ... megan something fleeting i'm sure but if to only hold a crystal clear moment in my hand, to look through the looking glass of my spectacles and thouroughly understand did you truly change my life alter my course throw me off my path and force me to find my own way i really don't think i'll ever know perhaps you've wondered the same i hope you have, i would feel like i wasted my time if you didn't however it's awful hard to describe what we meant to each other when the only recurring memory you have is on your couch...dark...tv blaring... and a tongue down your throat there was more i know there was more but that's the only haunting memory evicting the others from my view to reminisce would be to lie and to lie would be heaven perhaps when we are both cats... 050517 ... tree monster nothing 050604 ... unhinged and i walked across the footbridge lit up like so many stars holding your hand trying not to squeeze too hard. and i sat on the little porch of the little house in the little town where you live now and i felt more at home. i haven't let anyone else in the same way since i left. and i probably never will, love anyone else the way i love you. 050612 ... unhinged friends fucking great friends i hate that fucking word 'friend' 'end is the only part of the word that i heard call me morbid or absurd but to me coming from you friend is a four letter word' 050613 ... dries&hardens she said, 'you wish you had friends like these' mocking what i never had disbelieving what is right now well, fuck if i care because you were nothing more than vacancy and you can't make something out of nothing 060122 ... unhinged but you can make nothing out of something denial it's a powerful tool 060123 ... unhinged . ( left_to_wonder except harrisburg ) 080324 ... unhinged faded into nothing over the years. or worse than nothing, i was a convienient escape route, dumping ground when i had told you to pass it by in the first place. your ears deaf, your heart selfish, you've become so self_absorbed i don't even know you anymore. the person you were when we first met, non existent. sad_but_true but believe me, i'm not losing any sleep over the fact i don't talk to you anymore. i don't have time for selfish assholes that would willingly hurt me just to save themselves. at the least, in my definition of the word, friends don't do that to each other. friends we are no longer. 081205 ... unhinged love someone to listen someone to hold someone to depend on (well...for you anyways) but and then the throat contracts in the gulping motion of a swallow benzos im out on my ass again that's all i know i can't leave it i can't forget when_push_came_to_shove you ran out on me over_and_over over_and_over im dreaming of your_lips photographic_memory 120713 ... unhinged to_alex i still am puzzled what i meant to you. but whatever it was, i know at some point you felt it too. ephemeral 140606 what's it to you? who go blather from