as_it_were enon or as it was. rather. god damn it. i had written it to you. so much...but now its gone in the poof of the blather game. ill write it again. sometime when i feel passionate about it. 000627 ... Clay a few months ago I had a bit of freedom to spend time with my family rather than strangers at a restaraunt. 011118 ... rubydee i felt stongly about becoming your friend 030604 ... unhinged the endless cycles of chaos and order follow each other and i hate it but i'm sure that even in a new place everything will end up as it were i'm scared i'm so fucking frightened and i know that since i am the one that picks up no one is ever around to pick me up i understand you have better things to do it's nothing new to me even when it appeared that things had changed they were always still the same he got everything he needed out of me but maybe that isn't fair of me for a few months i didn't feel like this at least *shrugs* back to the way things as it were where i lay alone crying with no one to call and pretty soon i won't even be surrounded by people i know strangers one and all while all those people that said they cared said they would come to visit said i could call whenever i needed it end up drifting away as it were alone_and_unsure 030604 ... unhinged heretofore nevertheless things such as this therefore and such as it were 050418 what's it to you? who go blather from