painful
Aimee Love is hard, and no matter how hard you try, you can't avoid it. It's all around you. It's like sitting in a waiting room... Waiting for him to love me. But yet my name is never called, so I wait longer, cause this is important and I don't want to miss my appointment. But what would happen if I walked out that door? What would he do? I don't want to love him, but I do. I've given him my warmest embrace, hoping that maybe that would make him realize he loves me. He said it once. He took it back. I still love him. Love is painful. Each time I look at him, I want him, and each time I feel more pain, because i know he doesn't love me back. 010218
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florescent light wow...I just wanted to say that you are a beautiful writer.

You express what we all feel so well.
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Dafremen ...is being 5 years old and being sent out to sleep in the yard with your little brother and sister because you're not allowed in the house. Then watching them bring the dog inside cuz it's too windy. Painful isn't LOVE. Love is a cakewalk compared to painful. Painful is more like the sound of your sister sobbing in the back room while your alcoholic step-dad rapes her, and she's only 4. Painful is wanting attention so bad yet wondering if they're going to notice you, and being paralyzed at the terrifying possibility that they might. Painful is watching him throw a bottle of Seagram's 7 at her face and watching her face explode as her teeth bounce one by one against the wall and fall to the floor. Painful is NOT love. 010219
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him it is painful to remember Then, innocence, true happiness
not false happiness conjured from physical-eventful-temporary pleasure.
Then was another layer/world/life
buried beneath the stains of time.
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User24 it's painful to have staples jammed through your skull, yet, weirdly enough, somewhat less romantic... 010711
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confabulation not my cushioned self indulgent life. its anything but painful.

whats painful is the fact that it took me so long to realize that I can take advantage of the fact i don't live a painful life. and other people have painful pasts. and I wish i could change them all.
but thats not happening...
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lost a life lived with no love.(and a not being at home and having to type my screen name and email) 010711
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silentbobfuckyou stomach 010711
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Dafremen Make your life seem better by contrast confabulation. That's the secret. You can always be content...always. 010712
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Casey Burning your hand over the flame of a forest scented candle you bought from some slut in drill team. 010712
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lost heating up a razor blade and slowly carving the words "why is it everday that i feel the pain?" into your leg. it took a long time too because i had to keep heating the razor blade. I would heat it until it glowed orange. it left a nice carterized scar though. 010807
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PEACELOVESHEEP painful is accidently walking into a wall while having a flirty staredown with a guy. yeah. painful. physically and emotionally. 020628
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killing_me_slowly painful is watching everyone around you hurt
and not being able to help them.
painful is discovering that you are hurting others
and not knowing how to stop.
painful is realising that there would be less pain in the world
without you.
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suck painful is the first time. and the time after that.
painful is realising that love is its mirror image, reversed but recognisable.
painful is waking up to the knowledge that as fast as you run away your life will catch up and force you to be just as miserable as everybody else. i'm not willing to be that miserable.
painful is the only thing that keeps me from that.
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The Dr. Painful is the knowledge that you won't be remembered when you're gone.
Painful is when you realize that even the best thing in your life has to end sometime.
Painful is the feeling you get when you know you've said something blatantly stupid and insensitive, but you can never take it back.
Painful is watching the thing you love most in the world walk out of your life forever.....
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Syrope oh it's more than the first two times 040919
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xdamagedx The day i realized I was really on to something was the day i bit her shoulder, and she cried out in a thick syrupy ecstacy-filled moan, a wail almost, sexy and satisfying.
I drew blood and her whole body shivered.
She punched me in the face and that just made me want to do it more.
the tension was blood-curling.
we tried pleasure delaying like none other.
and when she put a cigarette out on my arm, that was the most erect i'd ever been.
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*Amy* I just had the worst quarrel ever with my mother. not the best time to have it when I`m leaving tomorrow on a long trip. It seems we know how to argue but we don`t know how to say forgive me 060714
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re_alisma this page starts with an Aimee and ends with an *Amy*. that's just an observation. i too am an amy.

when i'm grasping at things, it's not altogether painful because i believe i'm at least attempting to fulfill what i need. what's painful is the need to break the habit when it is clear that the need still exists, despite the effort.

or, in a more dynamic situation, if it is heading for greater pain then the habit should be scaled back at the risk of losing what had been gained.

you'd think that being in the position with nothing-to-lose would be great, but it's not too long before these scenarios tend to develop. nothing-to-lose is not the most desired position, although it is somewhat valued in some situations. so you can be all positive about it and say it's all up from here, (or, wow i feel so darn *flexible*) but you can't ignore the fact that you don't feel so great that you even got there in the first place.

so it's a very, very mixed bag. how you think about it and its possibilities is a matter of perspective and investment, but the basic emotions really aren't. people often advise against seeing things in black and white, but to call a spade a spade is a good skill to have too.

i have a tendency is to call my whole life a spade, when i really need to be able to look at certain aspects of it. the former ends it, while the latter would improve it. so, yeah. better perspectives on correct issues is what is needed.
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Doar jesus and the unholy that spawned itself.

WTF daf. i can't imagine what the hell happened to you and yours.

fuck...fuck...fuck....

i'm sorry i haven't read this before.

oh...i'm not sure that I can have words...

they would have no meaning.

i can't say anything.

.
101202
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