the_death_of_love Christ without the cross You never took it seriously. And with each day it withered in your arms. Each day it died a little more. Each day it was forgotten, it fell to the depths, and was fed nothing to help it grow. You took from it each day. You drank of it, you tasted it, and you fed it nothing. So it died. It died there in your arms. It died not knowing if it ever mattered, if it ever did anything worthy of appreciation. You used it until there was nothing left. It became an empty vessel, hungry, thirsting and it was never filled. Now, the dead cannot speak. It cannot tell you how pleasurable it was to love you. The dead is dead and the living lives and the pain has gone to the grave. Now let it rest. Let it rest against the dirt. Let it taste the minerals of earth. Let it do so in peace. For there is nothing left but ash and it grows stale in its grave. Let the love I gave to you perish. Let it fall away from me. 061019 ... Christ without the cross I smile because the only thing i can do now is find some remnant of joy from the destruction that has taken place. I smile because I know you, deeply i have tasted you. You, i will never forget. I smile because there were moments that i thought that you really loved and you would do anything for me. i smile because there is nothing else i can do. I am damaged. I have damaged myself by believing in a love that you could not give. But I smile, into the face of death i laugh because the line between endless pain and endless love is so thin that it is almost invisible. I saw you, there singing to music in your ears and i smiled. i smiled instead of crying. 061019 ... somebody "true love never dies" ... are you sure it was love? 061019 ... Emptyness Alive true love will never die be forgotton or cease to exist the parts of us may die but love itself shall be triumphant 061020 ... Lemon_Soda It happened. It was there. Thats never going to go away. Just because a person doesn't feel that way anymore doesn't mean it never happened or was pointless. We will all find love, and lose it, over and over and over again. 061020 ... I am not worthy of my name It was the death of the love we have, an ending to a beautiful story. My love remains but i am helpless to stop the decay of the relationship. i wish i could but it is all lost. i no longer have the power, nor the strenght to fight against this pain inside of me. I have given up on everything but i have not stopped loving. I could never do that nor could i forget. i just need to rest with the remnants of a broken a broken past and traces of what could have been. Yes i am sure it was love. I am not sure that it is enough however. I am not sure that this love i have could ever be enough to keep us together or from falling apart. I find myself angry. I find myself in fit of rage and bitterness. I don't want to think the thoughts i have been thinking. i don't want to dream these nightmares. But it seems like i am powerless. I am caught up in this powerless and i am too heart broken to fight it. I have been doing it for far too long. Now you say that love never dies but i say it decays over time. It melts away and is replaced with something else or something else occupies more space. My love has grown but something else is also growing inside of me. What ever it is it is not the nature of love. i feel like it will devour me. i feel like if i don't let what we had go, let it fall to the grave, i will lose all sanity. Now i know you all have your thoughts. i know you all can formulate opinions on the experience of someone else. But i have been there. i was there when we could no longer say anything to eachother. i was there when she forgot about me and slept with someon else. I was there when she chose him over me and still told me that she loved me. i was there in another room while they were having their fun. I was there when she came back and then tossed me to the side again. I was there when she shut me out and didn't care how much i cried. i was there when she told me that she didn't care. i was there when she told me that i was wasting my time. i was there when she lied to me repeatedly about the things she did and what she was doing. i was there when she manipulated me and talked to me like i wasn't worth anything. i was there when every time i saw her it just reminded me of how little my feelings mattered. I was there loving her. i was there forgiving her. iwas there torturing myself ust so that she could have someone there who cared that she could walk all over. There was a time when i saw no evil in her, that rage did not swell up when i saw her, that my eyes did not burn when i saw her face. There was a time that i would defend her to the death of me while everyone around me said that she was no good. There was a time when i didn't care less what she did to me as long as i could love her. There is a time now that i would kill myself for her, that i would sacrifice my life, and all that's left o me. But i would be lying if i didn't say that this love has destroyed me !! I would be lying if i said that i was okay!! i dream dreams and wake up cursing. Something has wrestled itself inside of me. Hate has started to boil in my veins. what should i do? What should i do with all of this? I'm sure it was love just as much as im sure that i am beginning to hate everything. i am no longer fit to do anything. i am no longer fit to say "i love you" while this monster is raging inside of me. i am not worthy of love so it must die. It must decay until there is nothing left. I am ashamed! This shame will kill everything that i have ever held dear. This shame will errupt into a million tears. This shame will ither into dust. i have nothing left to give. 061020 ... Christ without the cross will reclaim his name If i could reclaim what i was. What good is love if I lose myself. Something died. maybe it was not love. Love is eternal but something died. was it faith in love? Was it faith in myself? i don't know but if i could reclaim what iwas, better yet, what i was always afraid to be,I can bring back passion to my life instead of the corpse-like existance i live now. Forgive me, my love. I am no longer the man you onc knew. I am dead inside. Something ugly has taken his place Don't ever stop loving. I wish you life's greatest joy, my love. Goodbye for now. i will love you forever. 061023 ... Christ without the cross I will grab hold of my spirit and reunite it with my mind and my body. i will achieve balance between all three and i will bring my capacity to love back to full strenght. Love will not die. 061024 what's it to you? who go blather from