i_want_to_sleep_with_someone_else jane too bad i love you 020810 ... its just a trick or do i 020905 ... jane damn it damn it damn it it seems as though as soon as we get in a fight, 21 calls me why does it happen this way? that he calls me when i want you to call me and i'm beginning to want him to call me he called last night when you were there [which has never happened before] and it was so funny because i didn't tell you and i didn't feel bad about it either good thing you don't stop by randomly anymore that we have to fucking plan the nights you come over like you don't have enough time for me anymore like you never had enough time for me you're not passionate i hate it because it's always me 'overreacting' i'm sick of sleeping with you sex with the light on "you turn me on," you say "you're so sexy.." "don't you want to see me?" i can't believe my reply but i meant it 021008 ... MrTs where did your passion go? i still love you, but i no longer lust for you. your rejections have left me sterile with you. but when i look at others... i feel myself come back to life. my hunger, my fire, my passion, they return. you no longer fulfill my innermost needs. but i still love you. 021009 ... stork daddy well the lights make it harder to pretend you're.... oooh...jeesh don't get sensitive. of course i'm not pretending you're someone else, why would i want to think anyone else was this ba... ooh jeesh don't be so sensitive. what do you mean what are my reasons for this? i'm glad you asked. but aren't you sorry you did? dont wanna know why just to wanna know why. can't take a joke, gets all passionate, wins me over again and again when i'm sure this time she's out for the count. wink wink...be so sensitive. everytime it's like i'm sleeping with someone else. same pillow different dreams. 021009 ... silentbob as opposed to sleeping with myself 021009 ... jane i don't even know anymore. about "us" [...is there even an "us"?] does that night of passion mean that you've come back to me? or am i just being naive again? is that the reason you reconsidered in the first place? i can keep asking these questions, throwing them out into blather_space, but i know that it's not going to get me anywhere. i know i love you, and i know i'm afraid to say it. ["are you sure of the 'i love you' return? 'cause if not...that's a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there." -insert laugh track-] are you? is that why you've only said it twice? it's not so hard, you know. according to you, you never stopped. so you wouldn't have to lie to me or anything. i remember before any of this happened. i was so young, so full of angst. i was, what, fourteen? you were twenty already, maybe twenty-one? you could have been using me back then, too, and i wouldn't have cared. i put you up on a pedastal, and it's taking a lot for me to climb up there. in three years, it's become a mountain. 021022 ... nick silentbob, you took the words out of my mouth... sigh :( whoever 031019 ... tombe_seul then come back to you. but i can't right? that's selfish. sometimes i wish i could be really selfish. hey, it's alright. i don't think he even cares about me, unless he's trying to distance himself because of us. but christ, acting like that...right till the end. if he had made a move..... i'm sorry for even thinking of these things. i'm sorry, but i don't know how to control my body's own responses to him. if i saw him again would i react differently by now? time can heal everything right? why does it sound like i'm trying to convince myself. what the fuck do i do..... i do nothing. so why ask. we, we have a life together. i have you. i love you. why is that never enough. 101127 ... Caroline 452 Do I really want to sleep with someone else? Or would I just be doing it to spite you? Or to see if it would arouse your passion for me again? I love you and you love me, but I don't know if I can stand this much longer. So you're attracted to him because he doesn't care about you or respect you? If I treated you like dirt would you sudddenly want to fuck me again? What kind of mentally ill shit is this? So it makes you uncomfortable that I'm going to see my friend. How do you think I feel when you go to see him? I really hope I end up fucking her just so I can see your reaction. You can CERTAINLY dish it out, but can you take it? That's what I want to know. 101128 ... Ouroboros Really- blather is the place for this? You use my words against me, my feelings against me. Be with me, or don't. Do this, or don't. You have a choice, we each do. Being with me is not going to be easy and simple and smooth- I am a complex person and being poly doesn't make things simpler. Can you do this? Can you handle feelings- mine, yours- often? Can you navigate through your edges being pushed? Can you accept that our foundation was cracked and it is going to take time and work to fix it? Self-introspection. Both of us learning about our bodies and how to be even better lovers. This is what it is going to take. So you are angry because I said I felt a little scared/upset that you were going to be with someone else? I have a heart that I love you with! I care about you! Of course I'm not all bubblegum and sunshine about it- this is me being real. It doesn't mean I can't take it. So dear lord- go on and put yourself out there and be with someone else. Fuck someone else. Or don't. Just make up your mind whether, right now, you choose to love me and be with me- or move on and let ME go! 101129 what's it to you? who go blather from