good_brother Dafremen "Ow!", my oldest daughter (now 15) yells, "Mom! Davey threw a Pikachu at me. Why you..!" My son(now 8) dashes out of the room. "Hey, you said you wanted a little brother. There ya go", my wife replies. My boy returns to the room, strapping on his skateboarding helmet. "See?", I add, "See what a good brother he is? Most kids would run away. Not him. He doesn't want to deny you the pleasure of beating the piss out of him, so he's strapping on his protective gear so that you can kick his butt al gusto." My boy, hearing me, dashes out of the room again. This time he returns with a baseball bat. Such a good boy. 021013 ... Dafremen "Hey Dad? I saw this guy on TV who could shove his whole fist in his mouth. Isn't that awesome?" "Oohh yea. That's great. What did he do for an encore? Shove his feet up his nose?" "Ha. ha. Very funny. Well HE was on TV and you aren't...so there! Anyhow, I'm going to go practice in the living room, K?" "Fine, fine. Just don't hurt yourself, OK?" "Ok, I won't. Thanks Dad! You're too cool!" Five minutes later I hear the screams... "What in the..", I yell, "what the HELL are you DOING to him?" What she is DOING is holding her little brother down, her fist crammed halfway into his mouth. He, meanwhile, is apparently biting down. "Dad! He's biting me! Tell him to stop!" "He uh huh had ow I hro", my boy mumbles from behind a mouthful of knuckles. "Take your hand out of his mouth RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!" "But Daaad!", she pleaded, pulling her hand out of his face, "He bit me! I didn't do anything wrong!" "She stuck her HAND down my throat!", my son gasped, "I was watching TV and she came up and stuck her hand down my throat!" "Dad said it was OK!! Tell him Dad!" "I WHAT?! I never said any such thing!" "But...but you told me I could practice. You SAID!", she sobbed. "On yourself! I meant you could practice on YOURSELF!" "But you said not to hurt myself", she sniffed. "Oh geezus! Go to your room." 021021 ... stork daddy now a story like that...it doesn't matter if it's true or not. 021021 ... Dafremen "Dad? Is it alright to punch somebody if they're picking on you?", my son asked one school day morning. "Well Dave, you know I don't think we should go around getting in fights." "Yea, but what if they just keep picking on you, every day? Is it alright then?" "Well, not exactly alright, but sometimes it's the only way to get them to stop", I said, "Why son? Is someone picking on you?" "Yea, and he's a lot bigger than me too. He keeps saying mean things and makes me do stuff to make me look stupid in front of everybody." "Did you try talking to him? Let him know that it was bothering you?" "No." "Well, son, you try talking to him, and if that doesn't work, you go right ahead and do what you have to do. You won't get in trouble with me here at home." "Ok, I'll try to talk to him, but I don't think he's going to listen." "As long as you try." "Thanks for listening Dad. Love ya. Bye!" "Bye fat boy, see you when you get home." Later that afternoon, the phone rings. "Hello?" "Mr. Dafremen? Is this David's father?" "Yes, this is he. Who is this?" "This is Mr. Tokalot down at Higgsbrook Elementary and I'm afraid there's been an incident involving your son." "Let me guess, he got in a fight?" "Yes, that's correct. He said you would know all about it, but I didn't believe him. So you know what he did then?" "That's right, we spoke about it this morning. He felt he was being bullied and I told him to try to talk it out. If that didn't work, I told him to do what he had to do." "So basically, Mr. Dafremen, what you are telling me is that you don't have a problem with your son assaulting his gym teacher?" "HIS GYM TEACHER?! Err..ummm...uh..weeell" 021025 ... p2 damn, i wish i was that smart when i was young heck, i wish i was that smart now! 021025 ... p2 mr. tokalot? heheheh 021025 ... screwing for virginity i have a story kinda like that about me. i kicked some kid in daycare one day, so the teacher pulled me asside and started to yell at me. durring her yelling she said "would you kick me, i dont think so, kick me, come on kick me." so i kicked her ringht in the shin. i was yelled at more, and she called my mom to come take me home. at home i told mom and my brother what happened. my brother started laughing and mom called them and yelled at the teacher. 021121 ... Dafremen "Hark the herald angels sing...glory toooo the newborn kiiing.." Another school Christmas program, and me with plenty of film, the video camera and the wife at my side. Finally, a PERFECT moment, with Mama's perfect little angel playing a perfect little angel for a chorus of Silent Night, a song he had practiced all week and the finale to this year's show. We only had to wait through the other kids' presentations...Zzzzz. "There he is honey...oohh isn't he precious!?", my wife preened, "Did you load the camera? Give it to me and start taping!! Hurry! I don't want to miss a thing!" "Got it. I've got it baby..calm down and enjoy", I grinned, thinking, "That's my boy!" He did look innocent and angelic as all get-up with his wings and his halo. One of his wings was a touch askew, but that didn't matter, he was a perfect star in our eyes. The all took their positions, PERFECT! Then the little boy next to him decided to fix David's wing. I'm not sure exactly what David thought, but what is OBVIOUS was that he DIDN'T think the little boy was helping him. He yanked one of the other boy's wings clean off, just as the chorus of angels began to sing. "Siiiilent niiight.." The boy pulled David's wing and, when it didn't come off, crumpled it into a ball. Then, for good measure, he swatted at my boy's halo. "That was a mistake.", I mumbled to myself. "Hoooly niiight.." Our little angel stood there for a second, looking like a victim of God's fly-swatter with his crumpled wing and tilted halo. I could see him trying with all of his might to control himself..to no avail. "All is caaalm.." Our little angel was suddenly transformed as if possessed. He pulled the boy's halo down around his neck and proceeded to put him in a headlock. The boy fought back, but it was no use, the wrath was upon him and there was simply no stopping the ass whooping that ensued. The last thing I saw through the viewfinder before I turn the camera off was the sight of the baby Jesus being hurriedly carried off to safety by one of the wise men's camels, as two angels kicked the crap out of each other. "I don't think we'll be sending a copy to your mother again this year, honey." "No, I suppose not,", she sighed, "I suppose not. David! Stop that! Davey?!" Sigh...that's my boy. Happy Holidays folks. 021126 what's it to you? who go blather from