about_daxle x born june 11, 1981. san diego. moved to a house when i was 6 mon that i didn't move away from until college. my mom is still in that house for she so loves the bland suburbia. she says i was a shy child from the beginning, always wanted to figure people out through observation before opening up to them. not that she understood. she pressured and berated me about it until the last. they sent me to a spanish immersion elementary school where i did well. however, this meant that i had no automatic neighborhood friends. i spent a fair amount of time alone playing complex imaginary games. my dad had a violent temper. my brother and i would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes to screaming and sounds of things colliding. when i was 8 this led me to tell my mom that i wished i had never been born. my birth had a lot to do with why they stayed together. i took dancing lessons, mainly tap and jazz, from when i was 6 to when i was 13. i quit for a number of reasons. we were in competitions but our flaky teacher would do things like not read the rules and realize until we were disqualified that we were using unallowed props. lots of other things... that i still grind my teeth over sometimes. for junior high i was thrown from a 6th grade teacher who aimed for all to succeed to gifted classes. i was totally knocked on my ass. i went from 1 minute presentations on your favorite animal to group discussions about plato's allegory of the cave. i also didn't know anyone in the school and went mostly mute rather than befriending people in my classes. by the 8th grade i started to make friends. in october i found out that my dad was dying (I have a sudden urge to erase all this, but, if people don't want to read it, they don't have to, and I already know i'm a narcissist) he had AIDS. apparently he had it for awhile because he was aimed to die in the spring. they found out in august. there was a lot of fighting. my mom didn't want me to know. one night he said that he wanted to tell me something, but didn't. outside in my treehouse i contemplated what it could be and actually decided on the right answer. i wonder about that now. maybe i picked it up subconsciously while sleeping and listening to their fights. he seemed to age a couple of years every month. meanwhile i became extremely depressed but did not really understand what i was going through. my friends were no support at all, so i didn't talk about it. in a family whose motto is essentially "shut up and deal with it", therapy wasn't really a consideration. he died june 18, 1995. we buried him in the mountains, as he wished. we were a bit on edge as a mountain lion followed us the whole time. i remember trying so hard not to cry. no one else was crying. high school. i developed two sets of friends. 1) those in my classes 2) those i did massive amounts of drugs with. it was a precarious juggle punctuated with the occasional "why are you friends with them?". junior year. danny. we fell in love right before he left for berkeley. it was a long distance relationship for two years. i can't imagine how i endured that, other than that i never had a serious relationship before. he came home for all the holidays and in between i would fly up there for a weekend. i suppose my mom was pretty lenient in letting me do that. after my dad died, she turned a blind eye to most of my activities. for college i went to davis. i could have gone to berkeley and been closer but davis has a better plant biology program. that hasn't turned out to matter, but one never knows how things will turn out. my second year, we broke up. there's a lot of detail there, but i'd rather not. in fact, everything since then is a little sensitive, especially here. 031231 ... mon read this 031231 ... mon (that was kinda a blank comment but i wanted to say_something) 031231 ... karl the weed i feel bad for you. i guess thats sort of a stupid thing to say but its true 031231 ... bloody potato chip she drew me a rabbit 040101 ... u24 also read this 040101 ... deathofarose as did i 040101 ... no reason me too 040101 ... x thank you for indulging me 040102 ... misstree mmm.... indulging daxle... *drools as visions of sugarplums frolic in a very un-disney way* 040102 ... minnesota_chris there's not many sugarplums in your story. My life has been SO easy in comparison. 040103 ... jane i think i'll throw a sugarplum in there [if you don't mind] 040103 ... x i'm not even sure what a sugarplum is, but i do have some plaufmen mus. 040103 ... jane don't know what plaufmen mus is & it doesn't show up on a google search....so.....yeah... 040104 ... herr professor von klappen schlinken try pflaumen 040104 ... x alas, i was too lazy to check the spelling. just about everything in life seems like too much effort right now/ 040104 ... jane ah i see plum mash 040104 ... tooth decay fairy sugarplums are small, candied plums, likely of some variety best suitd to the candying process and then coated in sugar granules, there might or might not be a slight amount of liquor involved an acquired taste for some 040104 ... x time in davis is a novel in itself. tidbits are scattered around here. i'm reminding myself that i want to reminisce about this here later. 040207 ... - it's later 070105 ... stork daddy seeing it all together is always a bit much. 070105 ... stork daddy you know i don't like it when you make me feel things dax. 070105 what's it to you? who go blather from