love_like_there's_no_tomorrow Doar and fill your eyes like the minute is glass. 080114 ... They call me Truth dude, it is like I said...we seldom see the bworth in our own words. This is beautiful. You are definitely worth talking about things with. 080414 ... unhinged tonglen 080414 ... Tenon i can no longer hide or fight this feeling, doing so is useless. it is painful, and as much as i try to pretend that my feelings are only temporary, they keep reappearing. maybe it is not love, but limerence, since i am not sure of what she feels, but she keeps giving me hope that there is a possibility of a connection. love comes after the feelings are returned. i do not believe in love at first sight, but i do believe in lost love and heart that's ready to open for someone very special, again. but i wish it were that simple. i want to tell her that i cannot stay, and that i have to leave sooner or later for reasons that are beyond the scope of this rambling. i do not want her to go through hell that is living with someone who's not sure of what the future holds. i have written her a letter letting her know that i want to talk to her. she responded and i will see her soon. but as i have gotten down what i'm going to say at the beginning of my recitative, i have no clue what i want to say at the end. i do not know what it is that i'm asking of her. i do not want to disappoint her, but at the same time i do not want to lead her on any further. she knows i'm leaving but still wants to see me. and that tells me something. some people aren't aware of what the other person feels until they're explicitly informed of such feelings, and i believe this is what's going on here. i do not want to feel guilty, and i do not want her to feel betrayed. she has shown me in the past that she likes me because of who i am, but i haven't done the same. it is in my nature to complicate things so until even i can't figure out where to start. there is absolutely nothing wrong with me wanting to spend more time with her, despite the fact this particular relationship won't last. i've always felt too much toward her to ever be her friend, and i guess this tension, having escalated over years of off-and-on talking, flirting, dating, and seeing other people and realizing no one comes even close, has finally reached its boiling point. i can no longer hold it in. 080414 ... Doar I wish you luck Tenon. Love devestates and consumes. . 080414 ... Syrope is this really good advice? it really just means another day of crying all day at work. i wake up to yet another reminder of who you really want to be with, and i feel like i've been punched in the stomach again. she's the one you take out with you in public. dear lord, do i need something more than that to be convinced? your heart is somewhere else, no matter how many times you pencil me in to have time with your body. fuck this. i want out, again. so of course there's no way out. 080415 ... Lemon_Soda Get some emotional intelligence. You remember most what you invest emotion into. You work the hardest for what you put emotion into. it doesn't happen. YOu MAKE it happen. 080415 ... Tenon thank you, doar. i will see her soon and hopefully have the courage to explain what it is that i really feel. syrope, i feel what you're talking about. maybe this isn't the best advice. what if it's not that easy to explain your feelings to a person who might not feel the same? i hate that feeling of being trapped. the feeling that there is nothing you can do and the only person that can free you from your thoughts is the one you long for. the fact that there is hope that you two will be together, yet there's ambiguity, makes it unbearable. in my situation, i know i'll feel guilty no matter what i'll do. but some things are not better left unsaid. i don't want to just say that time isn't right. i am going to explain her my feelings without the four-letter l-word because that might be too much. am i being irrational? does this make me a hypocrite? does she want to hear those words? i do not want her to feel that she has wasted her time with me. i want to let her know that to me she is perfect. she has told me that before. i want to tell her that days that i've spent with her have been some of the best days of my life. i want to tell her that i respect her for who she is and what she has been through. i want to tell her that every time something reminds me of her i smile and drift off thinking about her. she knows i'm not just another guy who is messing around, but at the same time i have been sending her just that message by fighting this feeling. she still wants to see me. is she waiting for me to open up? the fact that i'm leaving just complicates things beyond repair. but she deserves to know, and i need to get it off my chest to save me from future regret. i have learned from this relationship that it is very important to not wait till the very end to explain how you feel, because the message that you send while hiding your feelings might make the person turn away. 080417 ... flowerbed on a cloud I did. It hurts. I will do it all over again very soon. 080423 ... someone you know tell me about it. it's not like i have the option of restraint. i own my love, it is mine. but the object of my desire is completely oblivious to my plight. 080423 ... LEMON SODA RESPONDING CHECK 081110 ... Doar This could be a moment that I have read and continue to break myself into pieces, but strangely it isn't. Tenon stated that a purpose would unfold, and whether it did or did not, I still hope and wish that it happened, no matter the consequences. It is better to express than to hide a love beneath a breath. . 101022 what's it to you? who go blather from