go_drink_some_tea_whore NoOne Remember the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?' Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Penn. "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted. -------------------------------------------------------------- STORY: (First paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. ------------------------------------------------------ (Second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. ---------------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one^s innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. --------------------------------------------------------- (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!" ---------------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. ---------------------------------------------------------- (Gary) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels." ---------------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca) Asshole. ---------------------------------------------------------- (Gary) Bitch. ---------------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca) Wanker. ---------------------------------------------------------- (Gary) Slut. --------------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca) Get fucked. ---------------------------------------------------------- (Gary) Eat shit. -------------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca) FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!! ---------------------------------------------------------- (Gary) Go drink some tea - whore. ********************************************** (Teacher) A+ - I really liked this one. I thought this wa funny, so i decided to share it with you guys.... 051023 ... oren Excellent read. Thanks for sharing. 051023 ... god might be the best story ever. 051023 ... Strideo Sweet! ... 051023 ... jane tea & strumpets 051024 ... z it is impossible to lampoon anything to effect, asurd examples are all around us. 051024 ... sad_bitch it's funny 'cause it's true. hahahahaha... 051024 ... andru235 many laughs. then i cried and cried. 051026 ... zeke be gone and imbibe of the herbal infusion amongst the demimonde to whom you are a member. 051026 ... sirflaccid That was pretty amusing. 051028 ... nom) i don't drink tea whores 051028 ... dm that's absolutely wonderful! That was hilarious! My new favorite short story! 060220 ... falling_alone this sounds like something someone would yell at me... 060220 ... LS I'll say it deserved the A+ 060221 ... lisavilisa so um, did they do this on purpose? 070616 ... sameolme Even so, Mars and Venus still got it on. 070616 ... jane whore_tea 070617 ... mr song you suck kari finn 070620 ... jane as soon as i post this kari finn's post will be gone. how bout them apples, WHORES! 070621 ... Strideo kari finn! kari finn! everywhere I go kari finn has already been! tell me about it Blue's_Clues! don't make me send Dorah the Explorah over there! yes, I know it's "Dora", I know. ... 070622 ... pSyche tea_whore the newest flavour in a series of exotics... sounds... sacrelicious. 070622 ... :-D don't come in my ora unless i sign to then. 070623 ... w w 070624 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I'm glad I found this again. The exchange was delightfully surreal. However, if this is at all representative, then I understand neither the male nor the female mind. 131018 what's it to you? who go blather from