Dafremen Watching the bo0b t0ob (Hereīs o0 in your eye...Squint)the other day and on pops another stupid soft drink commercial. Before I get into exactly WHY I thought it was so stupid, let me start, instead, by mentioning that I recently started selling a product (my own) which, Iīm proud to say, Iīve had a great deal of success selling.

When I tell people about my product, I tell them about what the product is, what it is made of that makes it superior, and why it is that I am so sure that they will like the product.

It is made of the finest ingredients/materials and prepared under the strictest quality controlled conditions with only the best of the bunch making their way to my customers.

I explain that my product is 100% satisfaction guaranteed, with a complete money-back refund offered if they are not completely satisfied.

Back to this commercial on the TV.

So all of these half dressed people decide to show me their navels while dancing with this famous pop star who is ALSO showing her navel (a hip little bit of choreography somewhat reminiscent of the buck nīwing of my grampaīs day...or the funky chicken of the 70īs.)

They are all singing about how there is a new kind of joy, how each generation has itīs own way of thinking and of making a statement. They conclude the number by mentioning the product name and saying that if you think young, this stuffīs for you.

Why? Iīm not really sure, they didnīt go into it. INSTEAD, she smiled and winked at me after cocking her over-exposed face to one side, perhaps to assure me that she was indeed as cute as could be. I guess that was supposed to assure me of the sincerity of her claim.

I decided to try and get a better understanding of the product that I was being asked to shell out my hard earned dough for, so I broke down the commercial and tried to make sense of the it in terms of what it had told ME, the buyer, about said product.

Well, immediately I recognized the companyīs logo and realized that they were pitching a soft drink.

After that, however, they might as well have been pitching a soft BALL, because thatīs where the whole commercial took a trip into the land of make believe.

I found the idea that half naked pop singers know soft drinks better than me a bit ridiculous and more than a bit insulting. Granted, sheīs probably had quite a few, but then again, so has my neighbor across the street. Judging by his gut, he seems to prefer beer (he also happens to dance a fairly passable funky chicken after downing a few, but it has YET to make me thirsty.)

As for the dancing, well Iīve drunk this stuff before folks. Itīll make you do a little dance alright, but only if the restroomīs occupied or if the bus youīre on happens to make infrequent stops. The stuff is chock full oīsugar and caffeine and might make you and/or your kids bounce off of the walls, but it WONīt make you a better dancer, and I GUARANTEE that drinking one wonīt get the rest of that pop singerīs clothes off (although I imagine that another 30 seconds of her swinging her limbs around like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz could probably have done the trick. Maybe THATīs why it was only a 30 second spot. She gets punched in the face by Austin Powers in the 60 second one. : ) )

The rest of the commercialīs message seemed to be that SOMEHOW this product, with over 100 years on the market (It was introduced under itīs current brand name in 1898 and had become hugely successful by 1902), was specifically and EXCLUSIVELY for the current, YOUNGER generation, asking the viewer to overlook entirely the fact that his or her great-grandparents had tried the stuff and, apparently, liked it, because here they were, still in business and still pitching the swill over 100 years later.(I wonīt get into my thoughts on why I felt that my great-grandparents would have been an infinitely more reliable source than this pop star.)

So, what had they told me about their product that had a single basis in fact...other than itīs name?

The answer was more than a little disconcerting, particularly when I took into account the fact that all-bullsh*t commercials like this one MUST help to sell products like crazy, or they wouldnīt keep making them.

Thatīs right, NO information, all bullsh*t...period.

Hell, one even had the balls to make fun of the OTHER companies using hype in their commercials. Obey my thirst, INDEED! MY thirst craves an ice cold glass of lemonade or some iced tea with lemon and sugar. Hell, sometimes my thirst actually craves WATER...can you believe it?! Now I may crave sugar and caffeine, but my thirst definitely does NOT. Thatīs a scientific FACT.

So what do these infoless-mercials say about us as consumers?

That we are mindless, drooling popstar fixated idiots, dying to appear youthful and/or obsessed with NOT appearing in any way shape or form to enjoy those things that our parents do?

Probably. Whatever it says about us, one thing I DO know for sure; my 8 year old thinks young and he drinks lemonade.

Oh, and I think old but, by gawd, I can dance a mean funky chicken when the mood hits.
jane good show, daf! i read this whole thing, despite my a.d.d., and laughed my ass off. i've been waiting for someone clever to tear this commercial to bits the right way. so thank you, and thank you. 021007
nocturnal despite your thorough analysis, old boy, everyone knows commercials for established products don't matter. and it is not we who are the mindless, drooling, popstar-fixated idiots (though they would love for us to be) but the age group they are targetting; the teen masses (those about 12-17 year of age). and, no offense to those blatherskites in this age bracket because this doesn't apply to most of you, they ARE quite popstar-fixated. if they weren't, britney, et al would all be out of a job. some of them are so sadly taken in by her and her cohorts that if they think she drinks it, they wanna drink it. they don't necessarily think they will dance like her or even look like her, but on some level they will share this one thing; their choice of cola. anyway, that's my 2 lira. take them or leave them. oh, and coke's the obvious best choice. amen. 021007
User24 daf, I usually only hear that kind of anti capitalist rage in my own head

orange sky that's beautiful, dafreman. i enjoyed that immensely, it made me laugh, think and yeah. not that it matters, i dont drink anything but water anyhow. thanks for putting into words what i had thought all along about such products and infoless-mercials. 050123
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