what_made_you_laugh_today
kerry realizing at 3pm that my underwear is inside out 211209
...
raze five squirrels grudgingly sharing the same tree, as the promise of food fought against their territorial instincts and forced them to call a temporary truce. 211209
...
raze nr's latest addition to today_yesterday. that killed me. i died, and came back to life just long enough to write this. 211212
...
Soma "I don't want to take my medicine"
"But you have to - c'mon. You'll feel better!"
"Well I know that! But the fact you tell me I have to makes me not wanna!
Hrmph! It's not like YOU'RE gonna make me!"

I'm obstinate again, like a child,
I sulk when he instructs me.
A slight smiles tugs at the edges of his mouth.
Oh no... he has an idea.

I lay flat on the ground, my chin and head tucked into a little saucy scowl. He stands above me, then bends down to pick my arms up, pulling my upper body halfway up.
My body is limp with passive resistance.
"villain!" I grunt a sound of half-hearted protest.
He laughs, moving my legs to be bent, then stepping on my feet. I'm pulled upward, standing.

There's a hint of mirth in my voice now.
"Ugh! I don't wanna!" but I don't really mean it, and he can tell.

He moves behind me, still holding me up, and I flop about dramatically. Still standing, he moves my legs with his, he moves my arms with his. My hands fly upwards in an exaggerated march as we move into the kitchen.

We're both giggling now. My hands slump uselessly against door handles until instructed, then throw open fridges and pantry closets with too much vigor. I'm smashing the bread onto the counter like a toddler with no understanding of grace. I'm absolutely howling with laughter, but still, my body is marched by his.

We make a sandwich together. It's awful. There's a mess twice as big as the sandwich. I take my meds. I laugh, and the bitter dark creature that lurks inside my skull slinks away, to bother me another day. 		211212
...
nr i just started watching "you're the worst," and there was a scene where a guy walked into a bookstore, noticed a cat sitting on a shelf, looked at it, chuckled a bit, and said "you can't read!" and kept walking. i don't know why it's so funny but i'm still laughing at that. 220112
...
unhinged (i love that show nr)

my little nephew's giggles during our virtual_visit when i decided to have mambo_time with him at the busstop 		220112
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raze there's a christmas card still standing on the dining room table, propped open to hold itself up. it says, "ho, ho, ho," on the front. from where i was sitting, the letters were reversed, and what i saw was, "oh, oh, oh."

from festive to erotic, in one easy step. 		220207
...
raze two cars stopped beside each other at a traffic light. on the left, a tan malibu with personalized license plates that said "yaseen". on the right, a black jeep with plates that said "ralphee".

together they posed a question:

"ya seen ralphee?"

and i had to say, "no. i can't say i have." 		220210
...
raze an obscure instrumental version of the eagles song "one of these nights", arranged and conducted by jerry grant, and recorded in 1976. something about an out-of-control synthesizer riffing on the first few notes of the vocal melody just kills me. i don't think it's available online, but i heard it on the radio, so i know it's real. 220309
...
epitome of incomprehensibility The punchline to this, and how it's set up: https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1727

(yes, it's a webcomic again; no, it's not Dumbing of Age again) 		220309
...
raze hearing the mudhoney song "flowers for industry" for the first time, which ends with mark arm growling the apparently improvised pickup line to end all pickup lines: "i wanna ... suck your nose hairs out with my eyeballs!" 220402
...
raze (past's three_words assemblage of the day got me good, too.) 220402
...
raze technically this is "what made me laugh last night", but still.

when the ncaa women's championship basketball game between south carolina and uconn was still being played but the outcome had pretty much been decided, i took a look at the wikipedia page for the south carolina gamecocks and read this: "the 2022 squad put the smack ass booty down on uconn in the championship game."

i knew that sentence would be gone as soon as i refreshed the page. and it was. but you better believe i grabbed a screenshot before it vanished. 		220404
...
raze the latest dream recounted by e_o_i on blatherskite_dreams.

best dream-based gucci reference ever? it has to be in the running. 		220413
...
e_o_i A coin-toss for accepting a PhD program at Cornell or Harvard (the less weird part of my mediocre_samaritan day).

I don't know what my dream mind was thinking! Does the Gucci logo even look like a fish? It looks like the Chanel one, which is incontrovertible proof that fancy designers have no imagination. 		220414
...
nr e_o_i's latest edition to three_words 220415
...
tender_square when amanda inadvertently referred to dick's sporting goods--which, to be fair, are fairly large brick-and-mortar stores in the states--as "big dicks outlet." 220416
...
raze i showed my dad a picture of a bobwhite in an illustrated book about birds (no buckets or mops were involved), and he said, "that's bob white. he was a union rep. let me tell you about what a piece of shit he was."

and then he did. 		220419
...
raze i was scheduling a piano tuning with ric this afternoon. i mentioned how unpredictable the weather had been, and hazarded a guess that the swings in humidity must have been causing all kinds of problems for his regular customers.

"pianos have been going up and down like a toilet seat at a mixer party," he said. 		220425
...
raze this bit i heard on the radio tonight:

"so, this is a german company run by two men who don't menstruate..." 		220504
...
tender_square while changing into pajama pants at dusk in front of an uncurtained train-compartment window, i mooned what i thought was an empty field, only realizing after that a lone calf (a mooing minor) had witnessed my bare bum. 220505
...
kerry when louie and i played hide and seek, and i saw him peering into the dark room, hesitating, sniffing. i tried not to laugh but couldn’t keep silent. 220505
...
raze the happiest piece of sourdough bread i've ever seen. 220508
...
tender_square a caller phoning 93.7 klbj's morning show to say he and his wife make love to the jock's banter (a pair of airpods split between them), but he loses his "bone sword" whenever the red hot chili peppers are played on the air. 220512
...
raze a slice of cucumber flying out of my overeager hands and bouncing all the way down the stairs. 220515
...
raze my landlord ripping dandelions out of the dirt and leaving them on the lawn for someone else to throw away, because apparently he doesn't have anything to do around his own house and wasn't taught to clean up after himself when he was a wee one. 220516
...
raze a bird skipping through the grass with a massive worm dangling from its mouth, too excited to know what to do with it. 220521
...
raze a golden white lab puppy jumping up on me and slanting her side into my thighs to say hello. 220526
...
tender_square three children outside of firehouse subs advertising for the business: a girl was holding a twirly sign and hitting herself with trying to maneuver it; a boy was swimming in a fireman’s jacket; and a second boy wore a helmet so big it nearly blocked his whole face. they were smiling and waving all the while. 220528
...
tender_square nr's contributions to "satire," with each one better than the last. 220529
...
nr thank you, t_s! i'm glad they amused you. i'm trying to come up with pitch ideas to write for a satire publication i love, and it seems that once you start exercising that muscle (turning everyday silly thoughts or annoyances into satirical titles), it keeps wanting to flex itself over and over. 220529
...
kerry louie chasing squirrels in marconi plaza. he stands at the bottom and cries while they peer down from the branches, mocking him. 220529
...
e_o_i Video on YouTube called "Doja Cat Explains 'Juicy' To A Classical Music Expert" (the "expert" is named Kyle Macdonald)

Okay, Doja Cat is hilarious. And it was weirdly heartwarming how their styles of speaking and the music they liked were so different, but they didn't make fun of each other in a mean way.

A commenter summed it up well: "I felt embarrassed for them both but also loved how understanding they both were" 		220601
...
past the daycare email reporting that the middle said he liked rainy days because he gets to go in the van. (we usually make him walk or put him on the back of a bike to get most places, so driving is a novelty.) most of the other kids said they liked rainy days because of puddles. (he is known to find a turned on hose and make his own puddles on sunny days.) 220602
...
epitome of incomprehensibility Tongue-in-cheek YouTube video purporting to explain why some gay men "sound gay" (the producers' names were something like the_gay_science).

Funnier because I marked a serious sociophonetics paper that touches on this, as part of a larger point that phonetic markers of gender are caused by social factors as well as physiological ones. (The student got a 97%, highest mark I gave for a final paper that term - she explained things really well.) 		220604
...
tender_square overhearing my 50-something next-door neighbour, cathy, sing nelly's "e.i." to herself, a cappella. 220605
...
raze nr writing as "oof x 46", which simultaneously reminded me of a long-gone 'skite named 0of46 and made me imagine someone saying "oof" 46 times with great deliberation and poise. 220607
...
tender_square kerry's typo and correction on "the_hoard." it's a great fucking blathe, in true kerry fashion, and the accidental ending turns tragedy into comedy. 220619
...
tender_square walking through the forest with headphones while johnny_west rapped about pepperoni pizza pockets in my ears at 7 am. 220621
...
raze i couldn't say for sure how well_named he is, but there's a british tennis player named ryan peniston who made a bit of a splash a week or two ago after making his main draw singles debut as a wildcard at a wimbledon warmup tournament in london. in his first-ever victory on the atp circuit, he upset the top seed and world no. 5 casper ruud, winning in straight sets.

someone somewhere on the internet said: "this man has a ton of penis, and apparently some serious grass court skills too."

i'm not gonna lie. i cackled. 		220627
...
raze what kerry (speaking on behalf of blather's three_words algorithm) had to say about me today on two_out_of_three_words. 220629
...
raze trying to type "captain for dark mornings" (a brilliant laura nyro song) before i was really awake, and my fingers coming up with "caoraub fir darj varbubfs". 220711
...
raze hearing the insane bumper i recorded for cjam a decade ago. i can't believe they still play it. 220712
...
nr a friend pocket messaged me a few things. they went like this:

Ou)66
Thank you you guy y

gif that says "Happy French Fry Day!"

gif that says "Happy French Fry Day!" again

cartoon picture of someone, apparently Cryptize, at a desk with a cake on it and a giant present beside him. there's an audience watching as another cartoon presents him with something at the table that's hard to make out. 		220714
...
raze misreading a moment of today_yesterday symmetry as "live_chat hair reveal".

i mean, if there are webcams involved, why not? 		220715
...
tender_square at the belle river sunsplash classic car show, a motorcycle’s ape hangers that had a skeletal hand shooting the middle finger on each end. 220716
...
tender_square raze's last entry on "half_asleep_thoughts":

"i got ninety-nine problems but an itch ain't one."

(watch this shit get used in some commercial for anti-itch cream in future. i mean, if odb's "dirty" isn't sacred enough for an lg washer commercial, is anything anymore?) 		220717
...
raze two very enthusiastic dancing avocados. 220718
...
raze virtual croatia, as imagined by e_o_i on "misread". 220722
...
raze my dad singing about rooted roots from the bathroom. 220724
...
past future pushing herself up to her knees, lifting her arms straight above her head, and screaming a battle cry as she launched her self at one of her brothers. 220724
...
tender_square i got a necklace at art fair this weekend that has a horizonal rectangular charm. the inside contains swirls of fuchsia rose and gold. i asked my husband, "what do you think of the jewelry you bought me?" he replied, "it kinda looks like a jerry-garcia-jolly-rancher you can wear." 220725
...
raze several of muriel's zingers. 220726
...
raze when_muriel_met_sybren. 220728
...
tender_square realizing my fly was down when i walked into work. 220802
...
raze every time i did a google search for pablo carreno busta to see how he was doing against hubert hurkacz in the rogers cup final, i only typed in his last name. and i kept getting pictures of trevor george smith jr., who you know as busta rhymes. pass the courvoisier, would ya george? 220814
...
raze in the middle of an intense tennis match that went down to the wire, the camera panning to a woman with what might have been the least enthusiastic facial expression i've ever seen. 220815
...
tender_square the description of a pool flotation catapult designed to launch the user into a utopic dimension. 220819
...
raze what e_o_i wrote on "rooster" tonight. that got me good. 220820
...
e_o_i raze, thank my cousin-in-lawlessness for that one. It was one of the things that made me laugh too! 220820
...
tender_square a red squirrel running with a rind of watermelon bigger than him. then, moments later, another red squirrel trying to drag a slice of pizza up a tree. 220824
...
raze a pika lip-synching to freddie mercury whipping the crowd into a frenzy at live_aid. 220824
...
tender_square david sedaris being insulted by his seven-year-old nephew. 220830
...
tender_square an auto-tune with lines from “the room.” (it tore me apart, in the best way.) 220903
...
raze sammy sliding two almonds into his mouth before running off with a facial expression that said, "these nuts must not fall into the wrong hands." 220904
...
raze my toilet tank doing a disturbingly accurate impression of an angry window air_conditioner. 220912
...
raze a puddle of squirrel pee on the cement walkway in my back yard. i took it to mean, "this is my home now." and i'm good with that. 220915
...
tender_square phat gus expertly slipping through the red lasers on her first go to get to fort knuts. 220915
...
raze the antics of several backyard_visitors. top spot might go to charlene, who ate from a splooting position before doing a belly flop onto the grass, treating it like a big green swimming pool and lying there with a satisfied expression on her face. 220916
...
tender_square a straw squirrel with a white bushy mustache in a smart fall sweater who looks an awful lot like wilford brimley. 220923
...
kerry the "political correctness" episode on the podcast "you're wrong about"

love love love sarah marshall and michael hobbes 		220923
...
raze a runaway cheerio that wedged itself between my toes. 220930
...
tender_square a downtown squirrel waiting at the corner for the pedestrian signal before he entered the crosswalk. 220930
...
raze hiccuping with my mouth full of water. 221001
...
tender_square a ninja squirrel climbing chicken wire to slither a sunflower stalk. The flower drooped toward the ground under the weight, the nonplussed squirrel expertly decapitating the head of the harvested flower. Then the floofer gracefully descended from the plant, ran with the huge crown in its mouth to shade, and began to devour the disc florets in greedy pawfuls. 221001
...
raze a video of a squirrel stealing a gopro and directing an impromptu short film of their own. 221002
...
tender_square a punctured pop spraying me directly between the eyes. 221005
...
tender_square astro the dog carrying a big branch with auburn leaves inside his mouth as he trotted down the sidewalk. 221010
...
raze the absurd guitar solo in the middle of "counting out time" by genesis. it's been so long since i listened to "the lamb lies down on broadway", i forgot that was coming. 221012
...
raze a squirrel friend who picked up a nut and a leaf at the same time and deigned to eat with the stem still in his mouth. he looked like a suitor presenting a flower to a loved one. 221013
...
raze junk_mail from our current mayor. his face is as ridiculous as his idea of taking care of this city and its inhabitants. 221014
...
raze patches letting out a hiccup after she ate a little too fast. 221015
...
raze charlene joyously annihilating a green grape. 221016
...
raze a very patient and determined blue_jay. 221017
...
nr this exchange from derry_girls:

dennis (grumpy store clerk): "is there some sort of a problem here, girls?"

clare: "not a problem as such, more of a question, really."

dennis: "and you think i'm here to answer questions, do you? who am i, magnus fucking magnusson?"

james, from the back of the group: "he doesn't answer questions, he asks them!" 		221017
...
tender_square my farting shoes. 221019
...
tender_square justin long’s character meticulously measuring out the square footage of a dungeon and creepy tunnel system he discovers in the basement of a home he wants to offload. 221019
...
raze tali repeatedly jumping up on me and pawing at my stomach. i think it was her way of saying, "i missed you." 221025
...
tender_square halloween headstones for “common decency,” “cursive,” and “blockbuster video” propped on a lawn. 221027
...
raze a moment of squirrel jeet kune do that would have made even bruce lee proud. 221104
...
tender_square my dad, hiding ruby's new squeaking piggy toy in his arms and crushing it. the two of them stared at each other; ruby barked for what she couldn't see, and my dad echoed her protest with an equal number and duration of piggy squeezes. this went on for several minutes. my mom and i were laughing so hard on opposite ends of the couch we couldn't breathe. 221104
...
tender_square a chonky squirrel chowing atop the roof of my neighbour's garage before parkouring onto a nearby tree, just barely. 221113
...
raze for all the wrong reasons:

a tuneless ska version of "i shall be released" completely devoid of anything even resembling gravitas. 		221118
...
tender_square passing a car on the highway with a bumper_sticker that said "milfing ain't easy." it was driven by a mustachioed man with his hands on a furry steering wheel. 221119
...
tender_square the surprise of sleep-talk wedged between songs. 221123
...
raze two of my daily backyard_visitors having some surprisingly tender sex right in front of me. 221207
...
tender_square rubinator's fancy footwork and muzzle-nudging a piston's basketball as she chased it across the yard. 221218
...
tender_square a saxophone-playing, fedora-and-sunglass wearing, hip-shaking inflatable snowman on ford street. 221231
...
tender_square two british paramedics cracking up while trying to create a work video. the giggles were infectious.

(see it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBbIPrDnJPM) 		230103
...
nr the episode of "happy endings" where penny learns that when she gets super drunk she can speak italian 230103
...
tender_square e_o_i's musings on "existential_gas." 230104
...
raze third-generation nut theft. 230106
...
tender_square a tableaux so canadian it seemed absurd:

a city bus idling by the train_station with the message, "sorry...out of service." 		230107
...
tender_square also filed under "what_made_you_sing_today":

hearing shawn mullins' "lullaby" on the 90s station when i was feeling particularly blue. it reminded me of that scene in "the office" where michael blasts the song upon hearing that dunder mifflin is going bankrupt. sing-talking the verses felt ludicrous and fun ("and all her friends tell her she's so pretty, but she'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while").

[i was also reminded of how sweet shawn mullins was when i met him years go, while unloading gear for his show at an area folk venue. he was so southern polite, shook hands with everyone and sincerely thanked us for the help.] 		230124
...
tender_square kate foster of "workin' moms" getting off with a creepy zombie mannequin head as the "monster mash" played in the background before her husband and step-son walked in on her. i was fucking howling. 230125
...
raze my dad trying (and failing) to give someone else's snowman a peanut penis. 230126
...
raze one of my most reserved customers at nuts_to_you taking it upon herself to headbutt one of the boldest right in the ass while he ate, just to prove a point. 230210
...
tender_square dancing and singing like a goof as i cranked “we like to party! (the vengabus)” in rush hour traffic. 230302
...
raze my stomach growling like a gurgling child. 230306
...
e_o_i A travel ad for Iceland that promises to outsource - or rather outhorse - your work emails: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbfD_lX1Tog&t=53s 230307
...
e_o_i Okay, also the title of an article on JSTOR: "The Peripatetic Posthumous Peregrination of Napoleon's Penis." 230307
...
raze the two_out_of_three_words i just got on the home page. 230317
...
raze charlene making the mid-leap decision to use my chest as an improvised platform. 230321
...
raze buying a twenty-five-pound box of walnuts for my furry friends. 230326
...
raze the mangled pronunciation of an impossible-to-say song title on cjam. 230418
...
raze a distressingly cheerful-sounding reggae take on "i can't stand the rain". 230428
...
raze an explosion of morning floof like nothing i've ever experienced in my life. 230429
...
raze flatulence from one floor down that sounded like a very angry donald duck. 230430
...
raze this passage on a wildlife rehabilitator's website:

"northwest tree squirrels (grays, foxes, pine squirrels) do not pair bond. the young male doesn't leave home and meet a girl squirrel in squirrel college, where they court, marry, and then move into a nice home to start a family in the squirrel suburbs. tree squirrels come together only during brief periods of breeding receptivity once, twice, or maybe three times per year (depending on the species), when the female will allow only those males lucky enough to catch her the opportunity to mate with her. if a male approaches a female at any other time of year, she will bite his face off." 		230510
...
raze a spam email advertising an antiperspirant that's "changing lives, pit by pit". 230515
...
raze sammy doing sammy things. 230518
...
tender_square spotting a grey squirrel with a huge saltine in its mouth climb down a nascent tree, skitter across a driveway and hide beneath the shaded undercarriage of a gas-guzzler. 230522
...
tender_square a 2013 raze pondering if we're the children of cosmic banging on "questions_without_answers." 230525
...
tender_square a joke outside of complete chiropractic centre:

"what do you call two chiropractors who have each other's backs?

vertabros!" 		230529
...
tender_square instead of truck nuts, i saw a bright blue mini with a double exhaust under the center of the rear bumper and what appeared to be a stuck-on purple dildo just above it, wobbling in the wind. 230530
...
raze jaws taking a mighty piss right in front of me. 230531
...
tender_square sticking both my arms into two long, cardboard tubes and walking around like a robot at work. 230623
...
raze the exhausted donald duck cover version of toto's "africa". that shit just about did me in. 230630
...
tender_square discovering two squirrels cuddling in the shaded basin of an arbor vitae, escaping the summer's heat. 230707
...
raze this from stephen, cricket's human:

"i like billy_joel. he got fat and lost all his hair, and he's still out there being a rock star. he gives me hope." 		230711
...
raze the languid afterglow of (more) probable squirrel sex. 230712
...
tender_square reading about raze's dropped nut sack. 230715
...
tender_square a teenage sundae maker getting flirty with a guy wearing hot dog pants. 230716
...
e_o_i The philosopher writing me a limerick both dirty and bizarre that involved the Champs-Élysées. 230717
...
tender_square this old rookie comic about crying in public and why it's both so shameful and liberating: https://www.rookiemag.com/2016/02/crying-in-public/?src=longreads 230719
...
raze post-coital splooting. 230720
...
tender_square a jack russell terrier nipping at my friend's ankles at the beach and the owner yelling, "dennis! no!" 230723
...
tender_square hearing myself scream “get the hell outta here,” repeatedly, with the same voice my italian grandmother would use, when a couple of wasps tag-teamed the car i was eating lunch in. (as my mother would say, “it’s in the sauce.”) 230809
...
raze an alarmingly well-endowed zucchini. 230809
...
tender_square a young woman riding a low, sputtering motorbike that bore a very close resemblance to the one harry and lloyd used en route to aspen in "dumb and dumber." 230813
...
tender_square this reddit comment about cycling in the rose city:

"two days ago, when i was crossing the road with a bike, and in the other hand i had a box of pizza and nachos with sauce, i was attacked by wasps. there were a lot of cars at the intersection. and because of the attacks of wasps, my nachos fell on the road. and i threw the pizza on the sidewalk. it's a good thing no one filmed this." 		230815
...
raze the brief summary of a dream i had two and a half years ago. 230821
...
tender_square a poor-man's axl rose holding the microphone like a shotgunned beer as he howled the intro to simple minds' "don't you forget about me." (ironically, his vocals were very forgettable.) 230827
...
raze this sentence from flux: "rigid designators my ass." 230904
...
raze a pickle that can only be described as pornographic. 230920
...
tender_square a wild turkey trotting back and forth suspiciously ahead on the walking path. 230923
...
raze an improvised squirrel soap opera. 230926
...
raze silentbob dropping an unexpected bit of hilarity in one_man's_junk. 231004
...
raze my dad apologizing to a slipper. 231009
...
raze the most insane congregation of squirrels i've ever seen in my life. 231121
...
raze a sound effect added to a song to mask a dirty word. it was supposed to be a dj scratching a record. it sounded more like a psychotic dog barking. 231130
...
Soma The agreement among my colleagues that we could just all show up at the meeting and cry to convey how serious we were. Camaraderie is nice. 231201
...
e_o_i My sense of humour is broken and I need to sleep, but these three_words:

experiencing_new_things: better_living_through crying 		231204
...
e_o_i Something I found via blather three_words. The first person had posted song lyrics on abusing_of_the_rib, someone replied it was like a song, and the original person or someone else answered snarkily - yeah, because it is.

But that's not what made me laugh. It was the blathernym on the snarky reply:

the lord cutteth and the lord pasteth away 		231207
...
raze explosive urination (not my own). 231209
...
raze jaws trying to seduce charles (a lady squirrel named long before i was certain of her gender) in the rain. 231217
...
Soma "bring the cooktop and a pan like a normal human being. If you bring the aluminum foil and an iron your team will think that they can never trust you again. It's a cry for help." 231217
...
raze what soma wrote on "prism". 231226
...
raze this right here, which brings back memories of cleverbot insisting i wasn't human:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY 		240102
...
raze rereading "baby satan's snack tips" on blue. good god, i was insane when i was a teenager. 240117
...
nr this video: https://youtu.be/DIUYFMHiNOM?si=q0zg_Kb7ub3H52D2

i am not exaggerating when i say i don't remember the last time i laughed so hard. 		240209
...
e_o_i gahh, the cat saying "whatever"!!!

...And it reminded me again of the internet classic "O_Fortuna Misheard Lyrics" -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIwrgAnx6Q8 		240210
...
raze this, written (not by me) fourteen years ago in response to someone asking where to start with bukowksi:

"get very drunk. go to a book store and skim through his work until something gives you a good hard whack in the kidneys. this is probably security trying to get you to stop throwing up on the bookshelves. whatever book you are holding when they drag you out, start with that one." 		240220
...
raze in the heart of a bizarre, unexpected thirty_degree_swing, being accosted by that same bonkers cjam bumper again when i least expected to hear it. 240227
...
raze a billboard that said this:

"show up.
lift stuff.
go home.
it's a gym." 		240302
...
raze hitting "go" and landing on attention_teenagers. 240307
...
raze a compilation video of cats being hilarious and random. 240314
...
raze looking out a window and seeing snow the day before spring_begins. 240318
...
e_o_i (also overheard_in_conversation)

Brother Y: "Why is he (Shiloh) so tense?"

Mom: "He knows we're going out."

Y, to the dog: "Puppy, are you that smart?" 		240329
...
raze this, from one of the commentators calling the usc-uconn game in the elite eight of this year's ncaa women's basketball tournament: "it's not the size or length. it's the girth." 240401
...
Soma I went to Dairy_Queen,
My knees still still rubber;
My eyes still rivers
Ordered a dipped cone
And watched it fall
Off the upside down cone
Into the chocolate sauce
And i just giggled
Giggled so madly the employee did too 		240404
...
raze a serendipitous shared silent gesture of profanity. you kind of had to be there. 240407
...
raze junk_mail from a brokerage firm claiming their online listings are updated "faster than a rocket-propelled hummingbird".

and sure enough, on the front of the brochure, there's a member of the trochilidae family riding a rocket. 		240410
...
nr stories on reddit of people sleeptalking. the absurdity is at the half_asleep_thoughts level. 240413
...
e_o_i Last line of this: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/sAwSQHFRpp4 240413
...
e_o_i (technically, second last line - it's a comedy skit about the solar eclipse, it shouldn't work this well, but it does) 240413
...
raze i asked chatgpt, "do you ever swear in moments of frustration?"

the response: "nope, i stick to polite language, even when i'm feeling frustrated. if i ever seem like i'm having a glitch or misunderstanding, it's not because i'm swearing under my circuits!" 		240502
...
raze a story about an epic fart unleashed in the least appropriate place possible.

yes. sometimes i'm twelve years old. 		240525
...
raze a dude turning the front wheel of his bicycle at an absurd angle in an effort to look cool. 240629
...
raze the idea of transparent bodies encouraging people to engage in more enthusiastic sex. 240703
...
raze a typo that was far filthier than it meant to be. 240707
...
raze accidentally ordering the same book twice, from different countries, and having both copies show up on the same day. 240708
...
raze a hiccup that sounded like the bark of an agitated dog. 240715
...
raze something my dad said. i've forgotten it now. i think i'm too tired to call it back. 240719
...
raze this today_yesterday configuration on the recent page:

q: what_woke_you_up_this_morning?
a: a_cow. 		240728
...
raze the end of "frog story" by bobbie_louise_hawkins. 240804
...
raze what warmthofrelease added to ghastly_geography_limericks just now. so good. 240812
...
e_o_i anorexic_fish 240820
...
raze learning the makers of raisin bran have removed even more raisins from the purported two scoops they include in each box. it's more like an infant's fistful at this point. but i guess that isn't such a snappy slogan. 240822
...
e_o_i Especially the "literally me": https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zw0wUM1OTAA 240823
...
raze john lennon singing, "so while you're jerking off each other," in "bring on the lucie (freeda peeple)". i forgot that bit was coming. 240831
...
raze charlene grumbling in rhythm to "don't stop believing" when francine got too close for her liking. 240901
...
raze getting an email letting me know a package was out for delivery at the precise moment i was about to check the tracking information to see how far along it was. 240912
...
raze bill bailey's "love song". 240914
...
raze a crazed imitation of mother_nature as a merry prankster. 240922
...
raze bunny love. 240926
...
e_o_i My brother's reply to the question, "Why are you being mysterious?"

"I'm not being mysterious, I'm being cryptic."

Well, okay, you cryptid. Yes, he is a cryptid. The Were-Incomprehensibility. He transforms into incomprehensibility slightly after the full moon. 		241019
...
raze timothy (a squirrel friend) jumping on top of my head after being startled. 241023
...
raze the latest back stories invented by e_o_i for some of the characters documented on dream_names. 241024
...
raze a plush unicorn doing something dirty. 241028
...
raze several furry friends who saw fit to climb me like a tree. 241110
...
raze this bit near the end of prefuse 73's "morale crusher":

"i vomit on your left shoe, turn around, and tongue kiss you."

just_because of how unexpected it was. 		241113
...
Soma I was wondering what sort of things I even write here (cue a terrible memory and a day of melancholy) and read a reply from eoi on left_behind I had forgotten or never noted before. I felt seen, and silly, and lighthearted for a fleeting moment. There's nothing quite like subverting the things you irrationally feared as a child with logical analysis. 241114
...
raze a squirrel snacking on a pumpkin just outside the park. 241119
...
e_o_i Both

a) the idea
and
b) the execution

of coming up with a cheerleader-type cheer for two local bus lines. I'm easily amused sometimes.

203 and 204,
they will get you out the door!
204 and 203
get you where you want to be! 		241121
...
e_o_i (Soma, thanks! It seemed to me more ramble than logic, but maybe it was the part about realizing those books were fiction and rather slapdash in quality...? Not that Left_Behind lacks scary truths: like, if some people think the world is going to end dramatically, they might be more likely to ignore or deny things like climate change. Sort of a "who cares if we mess up the climate if the world's going to end anyway?" ...but now I'm being a downer on a blathe about laughter. Onward!) 241121
...
nr a squirrel snacked on the pumpkin i accidentally left on my patio, left one big hole in it, and then never came back. i wanted to thank it for doing the work, because i don't have anything to carve the pumpkin with to get to the seeds, but then i had to throw it out anyway.

blather_synchronicity (squirrels_conspiring?) 		241121
...
raze the proclaimers-shaped throwback warmthofrelease just dropped on when_i_wake_up (i've always kind of loved "benny & joon"). 241127
...
raze two furry friends having a heated discussion. 241218
...
raze a string of spoken words that simultaneously made total sense and no sense at all. 241219
what's it to you?
who go 		blather
from