imagined luck is green i don't know what i'm doing here. things here don't seem to have nearly so much meaning as they once did, so long ago... as they say, living only brief snippets at a time.. as i've felt, of late. i keep thinking of endings prematurely, i don't know why... like i'm afraid of them. i don't know when or if things will end, and i think too much of how to make these hypothetical ends as far into the future as possible... but i have no control over anything. i'm afraid to make a wrong step. but that might paralyze me from doing anything at all... i keep telling myself, stop thinking so much. thinking causes problems. everything is fine if i act instead of think... but, as usual, i never listen. 010909 ... jinx Damn. I thought you were real. I guess I'll go back to my dreams to see if I can't salvage the night. 020313 ... raze he had us stretch out on our backs on the stage. he played some instrumental song i hadn't heard before and wouldn't hear again. you could call it new age if you had to call it something. i wouldn't call it anything. it was music divorced from time. "close your eyes," he said. "imagine yourself on a small boat in the middle of a stream." i let my mind make that picture. wood and wind and lemongrass. "now imagine someone else beside you," he said. and all i remember is brown hair and the feeling of being home. 220829 what's it to you? who go blather from