runaway moonshine We should all flee to Canada and live in cabins and eat maple syrup. It'll be just like the Little House on the Glacier. 010913 ... luck is green why don't i drive? because i'd be gone already... 010914 ... silentbob she remembers she hides it whenever we meet in a way now i don't really care cuz im gone from there im almost drowning in her sea shes nearly crawling on her knees 010915 ... dB It's almost, everything I need I'm down on my knees. 010916 ... red crested birdmad (sans license) the truck lanes and their upward incline of loose gravel in the winding mountain roads gears slip and brakes give way, it always makes me nervous when see the semis on the narrow passes i used to think, as much as i love to drive, that i could do that sort of work, but the more i think of it the more i know i could never drive one of those things i'll stick to brief episodes of recklessness in compact cars 010916 ... scarlett i want to be a runaway. i plan to just drop off the face of the earth the day that i have my college diploma in hand. i will leave a message on the machine every year and send postcards from places that i have never been. throw them off the scent. it will be the life i have always wanted. one where no one knows the past and who only knows the present that i tell them. 011114 ... misstree i've run from too many things... when you're running, you don't really get anywhere, you just get away... good at times, but a tree without roots feels a little wind-blown sometimes. still, a change of scenery would be damn nice. 011114 ... megan REBUILDING Battle Plan: unknown i need to find a rebound bitch and just have fun some say. some say i need to be by myself for a long time. some tell me not to worry, things will work themselves out. still others want me to kiss his feet and get back with him. lies... only so many a human psyche can take. maybe he was at his end. maybe i was too close, breathing down his neck, making him nervous, making him slip up. i started hearing about his second life. i really thought i knew him. why do i attract such winners?? WHY DO I NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE TO COMPLETE ME?? i don't understand that in myself, i always need reaffirmed. in looks, in friendship, in love. i'm such a fucking weakling. i make myself sick crawling on the ground for loose compliments like extra feed from the society trough. i try to be profound and infinitely mysterious around people to attract them. but to what? a front, a front that hides another front and another until you finally get below all the masks and there i'll be waiting. with quiet eyes and a broken heart, i'll be there. i'm not loud, i'm not popular, i'm not weird, i'm not smart, i'm not punk, i'm not emo. i am nothing. but i am me. and when you, of all people, got below all my masks and when you saw the real me, you left in a hurry. so i assemble new fronts. better facades, stronger, fortified in jealousy and hurt, reinforced with independence, they're erected and it will take years to bring them down again. so begins the process. and i will be fun for someone. i will be sexy and exciting and new and mysterious. and they will stay for awhile, for as long as i play the game. maybe a couple more years. then, after time wears me down, and i will finally feel safe, i will step out. out of my comfort zone, out of my costume. and they will leave. maybe they'll stay. maybe someday, in this horrid world, someone will see me and understand. but more than that, maybe someone will love. and they will HOLD ME FOREVER. and i will be their little megan, and they will love me to no end, not because they have to, but because they want to. because they need to, to survive. you couldn't. it's still killing me, every tear i cry, every sob i hide, every stolen look, wish for a hug, yearning to feel your lips one more time. even just to hear you say you love me. you were always good at that. don't you care? you don't even think about me and i don't know how to deal with it. 040512 ... pilgrim Human is such a Painful thing to Be Sometimes. Truth In Fact: We Are All Hollow. Fragile. Divine. 040513 ... shilohlives I wanna run away, never say good bye, I want to know the truth Instead of wondering why, I want to know the anwsers, no more lies. I want to shut the door oand open up my mind. 040513 ... Ouroboros let me disappear into foreign lands 120208 ... gabbie if i could i would pack a backpack and start walking and into a life of unmolded clay i would venture certainly getting my hands dirty as i set out to create a world bearing greener pastures yet here i remain because this is where you are and you and you and yes, you too 130625 ... raze "i fell asleep in tuscany and dreamed the one thing missing was you" 221124 what's it to you? who go blather from