wolves
nore wolves is one of my favorite places in benicia, along with the cemetery and northgate. oh, and kema's house, of course.

there's a painting on the wall, very high up, of a guy making coffee -- sepia-toned. dee dee and i tried to read it; we got part of it, but i can't remember. i took a photo.

once i went to wolves with spike. there was a band. that day we found the green light and we ate under it, because her brother and the girls were eating in the restaurant we didn't want to stay in. i burned spike an alice in chains cd, and she gave it to her brother because she'd lost his. we listened to it in the car. i couldn't drive yet, then.
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nore denise and spike and i went to wolves today. i sat by myself in front of the window. (i need to turn in my application there!) then i went outside. (that guy was there, the man who dresses in woven, striped ponchos and plays guitar and bangs conga drums and just always seems to be there at wolves.) i walked down first street. i told a girl that petals is a good restaurant. (my dad works there.) i watched a lady try to back up into a parallel parking space. (i was going to help her with hand motions, but she got it.) i said hi to a guy who grunted back at me. i found a place by the water. there were two benches. rocks on the beach, so grey. the water was a creamy, pearly silver-white. the sky as well, and the sun shone through the clouds, and after a while i thought, God can paint like this. the sky is really his canvas; the clouds really his medium. what would it be like, to paint in space? three dimensional, using anything you wanted -- clouds, water, trees, earth, sky? i stayed there for a long time. spike and denise had found me -- they meant to sneak up on me but denise had to laugh at the benicia poodle sign. i lay upside-down on the bench and watched them walk around on the face of the earth. i saw the earth as a planet, suspended in space -- not as just everything, not so overwhelmingly surrounding. i saw the horizon, and i saw denise and spike sticking up from the face of the earth as they walked around. the birds flying were actually in space -- not really connected to the earth. the sky was so huge and so round. blue, white, glowing. creamy. painted. i sang "turn from any other love," standing on the benches. then denise and spike came over and spike hugged me and i was happy. i realized that there is a part of me that only jesus knows, and that's a good thing -- that's how it's supposed to be. and that is so special. i don't have to have identity crises or wonder if i matter, because i do. to him. 030212
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farmfish bravo.nore. 030212
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jane beautiful 030212
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nore when we went to wolves, last friday, james came. after wolves, we all sat at the beach for a long time. it's so much better there when all the colors are drowned out by the night. i sat with spike; denise, elba and james came over after a while. spike and i were going to go over to the dock, but she slipped on a mossy rock, and i went to help her and slipped as well, but not as badly. i was really worried about her wrist, but she claimed she was okay. the sky was once again painted a deep, wet black. the stars were so very white and so very far away. i thought about the universe and God and if He's real, how ridiculous our little God-games are. Maybe they aren't ridiculous, but they're so small. and i believe He's real.
i always think of the poem "dover beach" when i sit there on the beniciabeach (like humbox) at night. "turbid ebb and flow" -- the waves are so gentle and black there. pantera's "planet caravan" (song) would perfectly match the water.

another time, recently, at wolves, i was sitting on the bright-brown, worn leather couch with denise and spike. no, wait, they were sitting there first; i at a table across from them. they were whispering to each other, and when i asked what about, spike leaned toward me and said, quietly, passionately, "that guy over there -- he's beautiful."

and i laughed.

i felt bad afterwards, but i totally didn't expect her to say that.
denise and spike said, "she's making fun of us."

i said, "no i'm not!"

i looked at the guy, and he looked really interesting. i don't think i can call anyone beautiful, except in a very general way (as in, everyone's beautiful) until i've gotten to know them. the guy had strikingly black hair, shiny, matted to his head. he was sitting alone at a corner table, drawing in black ink in a lined notebook -- cartooning, i think. listening to headphones.

he went outside after a while.

i wish they could see.
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nore i went to wolves with rachel a few days ago, and paul, the guy who plays the crazy drums, asked me for a penicular balance, and then asked if i was from canada.

i'm not from canada.
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uow both of my dogs are wolves
wolf husky hybrids
they are half brothers
same father but different mothers
one is black
the other is silver
both have a bit of dog in them,
but they are mostly wolfy wolves
040827
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nom i miss them all the time 060207
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nom wolf 060402
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worthless There are two wolves inside each of us. I've been feeding the wrong one. 160306
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