where_have_you_been sirflaccid Last night, I found myself caught up in the intrigue of you. I haven't felt that strongly since the day we began to connect. 050420 ... Freak i haven't felt so strongly about anything in a long time. it was that the book was just so damn good, the story, the facts, the history the absolutely perfect writing. Sometimes you read a book that has a story line that is so good you never want the book to end and although i couldve went on reading much longer everything about the ending and how the author finished the book made it so awesome. The author was amazing. Not only was the story line great but the first thought i had when I read the final pages was 'damn this is the most talented writer/author I have ever had the joy of reading'. I could go on and on about that book. I finally felt passionate about something, it was very....reviving. 050420 ... falling_alone i find myself forgetting and not able to find time, theres a play with a set out of place and costumes that dont go along. 050421 ... grendel joy_division "decades" 050421 ... Zoe you call me after 2 days of silence. where have you been? why is it that you disappear for days at a time. i'm your girlfriend, you're supposed to tell me everything. you want me to trust you but how can i when you leave and don't tell me? 050422 ... anomalous shopping 050422 ... sahba thats a very good question where have i been if only i could decode my own brain i should be able to find out then im freakin lost LOST I SAY lost where no one can find me i cant find myself blah blah blah try and make sense out of something it just doesnt happen nothing lasts longer than i see it jumping from this mood to that like skipping songs on a cd uncontrollable anger sometimes a rage that burns me up from the inside consuming everything and then there is a moment when all i see is a blurred emotion weak and lonely looking striving to find that something to hold on to so yeah i would be useful if i found where i had been 050423 ... continuous ache i miss the unquestioning faith of my childhood. it seemed that no matter what happened everything would turn out all right because it had to. things that could hurt you were kept out of reach. now it seems like the entire world rests on the shoulders of soldiers of war (literally and figuratively). those people who can carry more, are burdened with the weight of others who cannot carry their own. they're made to walk much of their lives alone. the weak lean on the strong, and the strong must hold them and themselves. drag them towards the light at the end of their path. but what if there is no light? what if belief in the higher power is just a crutch for the strong so they can carry their heavy load till the end of the road? what if god was nothing more than a mirage in a desert of hollow deities? a cool drink of water when the wells had long since dried up? we're told to believe with absolute faith, but man is fallible, we practice nothing in perfection. especially faith in something we're not supposed to see until we die. and for not practicing in perfection we are supposed to fall into fiery lakes to burn forever? seems a little unfair. even given the history that god has always been a vengeful, spiteful, jealous god...all these traits that we are not supposed to posess. that's a little hypocritical if you ask me. in all the hardships i have met headon these past 9 years, the death, the heartache, the guilt, i have not found god, i've found myself. i found someone stronger on the other side of tragedy. though sometimes my burdens weigh me to the point of tears, i've still got my head up, i'm still trying to find that real oasis in this desert i've been travelling. it's not that i don't believe in something, i just don't know about some omnipotent god looking down. i've got to believe that we are the ones in control of our destinations, and god's just along for a joyride. and if not, then where have you been? 050423 ... innocent insect Claire had all but given up When she and Edwin fell in love She touched his face and shook her head In disbelief she sighed and said In many dreams I've held you near Now at last you're really here Where have you been? I've looked for you for ever and a day Where have you been? I'm just not myself when you're away He asked her for her hand for life Then she became a salesman's wife He was home each night by 8 But one stormy evening he was late Her frightened tears fell to the floor Until his key turned in the door Where have you been? I've looked for you for ever and a day Where have you been? I'm just not myself when you're away They'd never spent a night apart For 60 yrs she heard him snore Now they're in a hospital In seperate beds on different floors Claire soon lost her memory, forgot the names of family She never spoke a word again Then one day they wheeled him in He held her hand and stroked her hair In a fragile voice she said Where have you been? I've looked for you for ever and a day Where have you been? I'm just not myself when you're away Where have you been Ive searched for you forever and a day Where have you been Im just not myself when your away Im just not myself when your away -Kathy Matthea "Where have you been?" 050712 ... .fallen useless 050712 ... rubydee where_are_you_going? 050712 ... somebody You have been WHERE?!? 080112 what's it to you? who go blather from