hey_unhinged crOwl what great pleasure to see the revival of square the circle. as i go off into the world this morning my upcoming additon will be foremost in my thoughts. thanks for your willingness to continue this project. it is good for both of us and much fun. 060113 ... unhinged it was kinda hard for me to get it going again because my life is really different now, but i think it's good for us too. i'll be looking ;-) 060113 ... crOwl go and get some internet access! there's a poker game to be played... 060324 ... . whoops... 060324 ... unhinged HA right as you were typing that i was putting the finishing touches on the poker game. funny how we are on blather together, but i'm still awake working the last little bits of whiskey out of my brain on my friends' couch debating whether i should just hit up the diner around the corner and make my way to my own bed while you are sitting in front of the computer at robin hill wiping the sleep out of your eyes maybe with a cup of coffee and some cats for company. it's snowing here. bit fluffy fat flakes and the trees have that inch or so of white stuck to them. i'm gonna take my laptop home with me today and see if anyone in my building has decided to put up some wireless that they are too stupid to put a password on so i can snake it. the only disadvantage to having internet in my apartment that i can see is that i would leave home even less than i already do which would only make 90% of my social interactions that much more awkward. i've got those haven't been to sleep, drank about five drinks but am shamefully sober, need some food and coffee rambles going on. hope you like my newest installment at square_the_circle_chapter_21_ ; i thought i would leave the meat of the fight to you ;-) 060324 ... crOwl and so square the circle take on a radical turn...you're probably shocked. i'm very curious to see how you handle it. here's why i decided to take it to this point... it's simple really. it's very similar to the way i proposed to my wife. we were living together, fighting off and on. she hated my friends, had none of her own, and i just came to this point where i felt i had only one option or i was going to lose her. i had no idea what the future held. we were thrown together by fate...one thing remained inside of me...a desire to be with her forever. so, with a minimum wage job and no car, i asked her to marry me. it's what she wanted all along. a commitment to always love her. and from that moment on...25 years later... what can i say? rynomari... there is a God. again, thanks for writing this story with me. it's helped to breathe new life into what i have tended to bury. 060326 ... unhinged not shocked so much; i've given in to the idea of writing with you and how you have a tendency to twist things in places i won't imagine of taking them. that's why i like to write stories with you. *shrugs* :-) i don't know much about burying things. i like to pick scabs off wounds over and over til they just stop bleeding. 060326 ... crOwl much thanks for letting me carry on with a vision for square_the_circle... you're a good friend. 060512 ... unhinged i try to be. but....you think i could have it back now? :-P 060521 ... crOwl sure, but not until i write one more episode... tomorrow it is yours again, darling. 060521 ... crOwl it's only right that you take the whole chapter. 24 is yours. 060523 ... unhinged i don't know if i can do a whole chapter, but i'll try. and i got a job today :-D even though it's only answering phones at the pizza shop less than a block from my apartment, it's better than nothing. i'm gonna keep looking for something better though. 060523 ... crOwl i'm not surprised by your latest addition to chapter 24. with kayla's buzz diminished, i could really see her reacting that way... you always seem to balance my deep end wandering, slapping my face with the cold hand of reality...and that's good, someone needs to. and as i always tell you, take your time with YOUR chapter... you didn't stall it because there is no time restraint placed on it...what a dilemma. is a thousand dollars a week worth it if your boss is a pervert? what will scott do when he hears what really happened? nice work, nicole... i'm very curious to find out where you will take it...by the way, how's your job coming? 060602 ... unhinged it wasn't a cold slap but more of a gentle pull back down to earth :-) i'm still contemplating; i have pretty harsh views about cheating. a no tolerance policy as it were. but my views would be more kayla than scott so.... my job at the pizza shop is...well...i keep fucking up and the owner and the manager keep yelling but i'm trying not to be all sensitive about it. and i had an interview for a fulltime job at this art supply store yesterday but they still had some more interviews so i don't know if i got it. but, hopefully i did. not only will i make decent money there, but they offer paid holidays and vacations and health insurance so it would be perfect. and i have a gig today; nothing like making $100/hr playing music i could play in my sleep :-D i know there's no rush on square_the_circle from your end, but you know how i feel about keeping it going. my chapter probably won't be as long. we'll see. i hope you are enjoying the great early summer weather. it's been beautiful in these parts lately. the trees and flowers have finally had a chance to bloom. wisconsin isn't too kind to it's flora. oh and i got a cool website for you to check out: www.dharmapunx.com it's also a really awesome book. 060603 ... crOwl nice work again on square_the_circle_chapter_24_...such brutal honesty and the itching/ scratching was an interesting physical representation of the obvious awkward stress...i loved it and anticipate scott's final reaction. 060609 ... crOwl i guess you haven't heard from the art supply store? is that still a possibiliity? hang in there...everything for a reason. by the way, i downloaded a bunch of the mp3 talks from dharmapunx. very cool, thanks. 060610 ... unhinged no, i han't heard from the art supply store but it's only been a week and a friend told me to gie it two weeks until i completely gie up; you should get the book dharma punx. it's a ery good book. guess which key doesn't work on this keyboard. 060611 ... crOwl i loved chapter 24...nice work! you brought it to an interesting place as always and left it wide open. i loved how you set up another meeting with dennis...nice. i'm very excited to begin writing with you again, back and forth. however, we are having a huge graduation party for great on the 8th and robin_hill is in a state of crazy, get-everything-possible-done- preparation. we even built an outdoor screen for her to show her films on...so, look for chapter 25 next week...thanks. you moved? where? how are you? 060704 ... unhinged thanks that's cool cause i have to work tomorrow, friday, saturday, and sunday so i won't really have much time to check the internet or write or anything like that til monday. i didn't move very far. i moved to a bigger apartment in the same building. it's nicer too i think. all hardwood floors, on the quieter side of the building, more sunshine. i've been doing okay; i've been feeling rather lonely, today in particular. but it's easier for me to deal with that now. i have a slight dilemma; somebody i've stopped talking to in recent months has a large chunk of my cd collection including 95% of my smashing pumpkins collection which is rather sizable and some of which has been in my collection for ten odd years. but i feel weird calling him to ask for it back. *sigh* i guess i should just bite it already and call for them. i can't help but thinking that subconciously i don't want them back so i can have an excuse to keep on thinking about him. my friend that i'm doing my rock project with is moving also on the 8th. he is turning his extra bedroom into a recording studio so i should finally have my stuff completed within the next month. we are actually getting semi-serious about playing together and talking about all these covers we want to do together and stuff. we could have had a gig on the 15th if we would have had more stuff ready....but that's a little scary to me. i'm ready to perform again though finally. even if it's singing instead of my violin, i want to get on stage again. maybe we will go to some open mikes and play some stuff soon. have fun at your party. 060704 ... crOwl thanks. even though i know it's next to impossible for you to come, you are invited you know...it would be so cool...you could bring your violin and play with the several musicians already lined up... 060705 ... crOwl tomorrow evening, my love. 060711 ... crOwl ta-da! 060712 ... crOwl i respect your decision about our story, but feel bad for you, nicole, that you have to endure a job that sucks to such a negative degree. although, i know the experience. let's place it on hiatus and let our lives live it. someday, there will be time to take it off the shelf, dust it off, and resume the writing of it. our tale to tell. as always, thank you for giving to it. it has been and is a genuine pleasure for me both reading your contributions and writing mine. i think you would make an excellent worker with the autistic project because you have a sincere compassion and fascination for children, critical for dealing with the unpredictable mental demands of the autistic. i've had a chance to work with a few at our ski school. {the_legend_of_the_lost_boy} i wish you all the best with your endeavours and pray for your well-being and happiness. that is all we want anyway. say hello to arielle for me and tell her the crOwl will do a puppet show for her someday, maybe. keep me posted at hey_crowl. 060727 ... crOwl congratulations on the violin instructor position! sounds perfect for you... doingwhatyoulove lovingwhatyoudo i wish you all the best as you give out and take in. 060815 ... crOwl glad to hear about your violin students. it must be fun and rewarding. teaching what you to know is a beautiful process, so necessary for happiness and fullfillment. don't fret your recording disappointment. you have real talent and a new oppurtunity will develop. don't give up. keep seeking. it will find you as you are looking for it. i've played martyr for my friends and they are digging on it for sure. my daughter recently recorded one track. she's on myspace as monkeyface. i saw her play last night at d'nagirrio's in greensburg. pennsylvania. she sounds like cat power and even covered one of her songs. we're taking my youngest daughter, greta to college on sunday night. we'll be staying in soHo, nyc one night. she's going to film school at sva on 23st. in chelsea/grammercy. hilary's going to try busking in the west village and getting her recording out... 060825 ... crOwl i'm very happy you're back and willing to continue our story. it's your turn... square_the_circle_chapter_25_ i'm sure with your recent adventure into happiness the story will take on your freshly, illuminated shape...i'm, as always, looking forward to hearing from you. please e-mail me the details of your new friend... 061015 ... crOwl i would love to write with you again...you begin and i'll follow you. i've missed you. 070416 ... crOwl i have some ideas swirling around in the cobwebs of my brain and should be ready to begin our new story this week-end...(interesting that the verification was o j o y...yeah, i am very happy we're about to write together again... 070418 ... crOwl i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_01 your turn... 070421 ... crOwl my turn to run with i_dreamt_that_i dreamt a bit. i'll let you know when you're it. 070814 ... ? pillow fight anyone? 070814 ... and so he smacks someone and the down feathers go flying... 070814 ... fuffle i caught your smile in that moment, its so fleeting, i just wish i could pause those moments, instead i cherish them. i'ts funny how Japanese tourists seem to let their cameras get in the way of a moment like that, i never quite understood that. It seems like they want to pause the moment also but somehow i'm sure a camera sometimes might come inbetween that moment, the moment that we all want to hold on our hands. 070815 ... unhinged i try to contain my happiness. but i think it's better if i let it out for the benefit of all. 070816 ... . tick. yeeeeah thats kind of cool. 070816 ... crOwl tag...you're it... 070829 ... piss off it's in my leather bag 070829 ... crOwl thanks for the new song...very cool...and i'm looking forward to your addition to i_dreamt_that_dreamt_06 071010 ... whoops that should read i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_06 071010 ... unhinged that's the ballad version i wanna make a groove/shake your ass version but i can actually write music WITH anthony; the last guitar player i worked with wanted to dictate. anthony is also a knowledge seeker and wants to know everything i have to teach him about classical music. so we are trading off; i teach him my shit and he teaches me the blues. my parents are coming to town to celebrate my birthday tomorrow and i'm teaching a masterclass on saturday. *shrugs* soon soon i read a chunk of chapters of square_the_circle ; we aren't half bad ;-) 071010 ... crOwl HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE! have a great time with your parents...much love 071011 ... unhinged thanks :-D it's going good so far. i'll tell you all about it next week. 071012 ... crOwl i'm glad to hear you bought a macbook. very smart purchase...and i hope this means you'll be able to write with me more often...i was thrilled as always to see your new addition (o7) and i think it's cool as well how we're using these stories to work things out in our own lives. thank you again for your willingness. you are a very dear friend to me... 071021 ... unhinged i always be willing to write stories with you dear. more than willing; i'm sure you remember my more or less failed attempts to write them without you. lazy perfectionism as a friend called it years ago. when i was eight years old i wanted to be a writer. when i was nine, i discovered the violin. but language is like the first music to me. funny story you'll like. i've been applauded or accused (depending on who you talk to) of being a story teller. i was in the car with anthony on our way to work telling him a funny story about my brother and he just laughed and shook his head and said 'it's a novel.' my life IS a novel and you have always helped me write it. i just (like just) realized that once again i am working out things in my life through our story. kinda silly, but it was more subconcious this time than it was with the others. i realized last night that i've stopped telling people how i feel, even the good. (i never really told people if it was bad). i used to write cards and emails telling people how much i loved them. i stopped because i thought i wasn't getting enough of a return from the investment of sharing something like that. but now it's not about getting something in return as much as seeing someone smile. funny what getting_old does to you. i would like your mail mailing address. i would like to send you and kathy a little something for the holidays. the_blather_connection and you have been one of the strongest over the years like i've always been another one of your cool ass daughters *grin* 071021 ... crOwl i loved your new addition at i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_10 i loved how you created gavin's dream. that was perfect. 071204 ... unhinged ;-) it reminds me of our old days when i felt like i fought you at every twist and turn. (ps. your present has been delayed because of some random freelance work i've been doing so maybe it will be a new years gift) 071204 ... c r 0 w l i hope you had a good christmas/wnter solstice/happy new year...and especially that your visit with your brother was awesome. i have completed i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_13 and i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_14 i look forward to lilly's return from her gram's funeral in vermont. much love... 080103 ... unhinged thanks for keeping the story burning while i was in ohio. i was reading the whole while. my visit with my brother was pretty stellar this year. he has a much better girlfriend now so he was a lot happier this year. but he's still the same old jeff. i told him to fuck off and he tackled me to the ground causing me to crack my right elbow and head on the cement. :-P my only real complaint was that his visit was not long enough. i managed to limit my tears to right before he left for the airport this time. very soon i will take my turn. 080103 ... c r 0 w l you must be frozen...i heard it was -13 last night... brr. 080120 ... unhinged well i haven't ventured outside for more than the couple minutes it takes to smoke a cigarette since friday i woke up today with swollen lymph nodes in my armpits and my legs and the worst stomach pain i've ever had. didn't go to work today. hoping it's just the flu and it'll be gone tomorrow. food is staying down which is a plus. fuck_wisconsin in the winter. 080120 ... c r 0 w l sorry to hear you're sick...hopes and prayers that you'll be better soon...hugs, kisses, much love. stay warm... 080120 ... pete i felt like an icecube this morning. i hope you are faring better. 080121 ... unhinged well, it's warm enough to snow today so that's a start. i hear it's supposed to be 30 by the end of the week !!! it's a fucking heatwave. i feel much better today. no more horrible shooting stabbing stomach pains. me and my housemate decided i had food poisoning. i trashed all the food i ate on saturday. that's a sad feeling for a polack like me, all that waste, but the thought of being sick like that again made it a little easier. i know it was the mushrooms i put in the pasta. damn. 080121 ... unhinged and i have plenty of down, wool, fleece, thermal to keep me warm around here. i stockpiled wool knee socks this fall. keeping the extremities warm is the trick and the ticket. my grandma knitted me an awesome hat and scarf that i got in the mail just in time for the cold snap. they keep me warmer somehow. knowing my gram sat in front of the tv, cigarette dangling from her lip, not even looking at her hands as she counted stitches. 080121 ... c r 0 w l thanks for your recent kind words @jane__innerviews____redtree. i really appreciate it. notice as well that i finally wrote my new addition to our story...hug. 080127 ... unhinged i decided i wasn't going to wait for you anymore ;-) i also decided that i've been all bottled up lately and that i need to start telling people how i feel again. that's what friends are for; to let you know there are other beings in the world that love you. i've been feeling sullen and morose and isolated lately. *shrugs* damn stupid winter i WILL blame it on the weather 080127 ... cr0wl i loved your latest edition... i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_20 beautiful... 080210 ... unhinged you reminded me. that's what i really want to be doing. singing with a band. i wish i had a passable recording of me singing easyrider. it's one of my favorite songs i've written. although i haven't written many and i like them all. i sang that song a capella at an open mic and the guy that owned the place was like 'wow. that was like a story.' heh heh 080210 ... crOwl wow..i'm stunned...very beautiful...you had me... 080228 ... unhinged maybe it's our pisces connection 080228 ... past_place_pete i wrote some posts at you the other night. then avoided blather for almost a week. i feel that an apology is in order, especially as i don't know if you replied, i kind of hope you didnt (they weren't worth replying to). in the end, thank you for being you. even as the object of a rant/diatribe/whiskey-induced-ramble (though not its subject) you mean a lot to this skite. 080228 ... unhinged self_esteem_lowering ;-) don't be sorry. i hope you have been warm. i had my first taste of whiskey in months the other night when a friend who forgot i stopped drinking whiskey bought me a jack and coke. i stopped drinking whiskey because i too felt like i did too many stupid things while incapacitated from it. but it tastes so good. and goes down so easy. and numbs a broken heart so well. if anything, we have each other's words around here. 080228 ... unhinged (i'm glad somebody likes me for being me. i rather like the you that drunkenly rants myself. we can commiserate of the coldness together. i think you have it worse than me.) 080228 ... unhinged (and i feel like none of that came out right; i like you too) 080228 ... pete i had some whiskey this afternoon. after reading about dada. sitting in a crowded, abnoxiously loud bar. six friends around the table. grouped in threes, in deep conversations. lost and zoned out. hearing glimpses here and there. my music died on the walk home after i finally escaped. i felt like hell trudging through the snow, embracing the frozen landscape, humming tunes from the moon and antartica. it came out loud and clear. words work. 080229 ... unhinged sometimes i feel like my words are broken. especially around here. i was listening to the newest modest mouse the other day at the busstop and i had the overwhelming urge to dance all over. i wait for the bus on a really busy street. lately, i want to dance because i know people are watching. 080229 ... c r 0 w l glad to hear you're feeling better... 080330 ... past hey unhinged, it feels like spring outside. still sitting below zero, but spring none the less. i hope you can catch the spring fever. pete 080330 ... unhinged it's easier to navigate the sidewalks around here, but i wish i could leave my heavy coat behind. spring is still finding any excuse she can to go back to sleep. i want flowers, green, birdies. i want to be able to sit on my porch and chain smoke. my toes need to feel the wind. i want to turn my front yard into a vegetable garden. i hung out with a cool ass siamese cat tonight. i really want a warm fuzzy. yeah, i feel much better. 080330 ... c r 0 w l i saw some of the fotos of "modernity in central europe." very beautiful. it's an honor for you to say they made you think of me. thank you. 080422 ... cr0wl thanks for the heads up about "dead children playing." i did not know about this...it's amazing. hopefully the gallery show comes stateside. thanks...xo 080512 ... past i'm looking out my new windows and the next neighbourhood south of mine is punctuated by green trees in full bloom 080513 ... unhinged the trees on my street start out red and then turn green....possibly maples? but there is one tree on my block that has all her green leaves unfurled already, always a couple of weeks ahead of the others. my yard is filled with dandelions and little purple flowers...clover? i am sitting on my porch as i type in dappled sunlight and a warm breeze. it's nice. no problem kevin. when i see cool art type things i always think of you. 080513 ... cr0wl thanks for your kind words about the prize...it makes me feel all tingly knowing that you saw it. looking forward to writing with you again. enjoy your time in california... 080620 ... unhinged unfortunately, i've been back since tuesday. it was just a short little trip. couldn't afford a longer stay. i'll get back there someday. hopefully, in a permanent way. it feels right out there. i was hoping my brother would end up there, but i talked to him yesterday for a few minutes and he might take a head chef position on oahu if his buddy follows through with all the talk. my brother has been working in kitchens for a long time. he's super creative and can cook way better than i thought. i mean he knows how to make fresh mayonaise for christ's sake. he's never conning me into cooking for him again. 080620 ... cr0wl thanks for reawakening the story...i like what you wrote a lot. you are a very talented writer. xo 080627 ... unhinged thanks *blushes* you are too i need our therapy friend 080627 ... cr0wl there is a loretta_lux collection at the milwaukee art museum. 080720 ... unhinged sounds very interesting.....maybe after i get settled in my new place i'll grab joseph to go look at another photo exhibit. i'm super stressed about moving this weekend. but things like this never turn out to be as bad as i imagine them. getting used to living in a studio again after living in a house for twenty months might be a little rough at first, but at least the studio is all mine. mine all mine. and i won't be living in this shithole neighborhood where people get beat up outside my bedroom window anymore. yahooooooo ; yuppie northshore here i come 080721 ... unhinged (by the way, i'm not sure about my internet connection in my new place. i'm going to try to see if i can snake one from any nearby available ones first. otherwise it takes road runner about three weeks to get out and hook new stuff up....but there is plenty of wi-fi from cafes and stuff in the area) 080721 ... cr0wl i loved your latest post @ 27 080729 ... crOwl i would love to have a cd of your music. i will trade you for a magazine concerning the topic of your choice... 080916 ... unhinged i want a magazine about flowers. i bought a bouquet of sunflowers the other day and i have taken many pictures. i need a real digital camera. i have a couple of photography projects rattling around in my brain. windows and flowers seem to be the center pieces. (both my parents are talented amateur photographers; my mother's nature photography is beautiful. i get my eye for color and composition from her.) i remember promising you a cd almost a year ago now so i will send a special surprise along with. 6 days til my audition and then i will have more crafty time for myself...if it goes badly anyways. give me a month. 080916 ... unhinged (i got a new mix of martyr yesterday from the guitar player and now i'm waiting for a trimmed version of the slick fancy track i recorded in chicago. maybe a few more chicago tracks will be in the works. *shrugs* i will send you what i have when the trimmed version of rasta boy is ready and i get the booklet made) 080916 ... crOwl i hope all went well with the audition... 080922 ... unhinged yeah...not really. my nerves got the better of me. but i got to play on the big_stage and now i know what i need to do better next time, so it's not all for naught. no one in my group made it past the first round, so that is perversely comforting. there were around sixty people auditioning for one spot. those weren't very good odds as far as i was concerned. but hell, at least i tried. someone in my group walked out. 080922 ... cr0wl thanks for the sunset_pics 081104 ... unhinged look for the alley_pics 081105 ... cr0wl have any photos of the new haircut? 081130 ... unhinged yes i do my brother claims it's my best haircut ever. i'm inclined to agree with him. and what have you been doing lately? 081130 ... cr0wl thanks for the pics...the cut is awesome...as for me, it's gift making time at robin_hill and outside there's a battle going on with the weather. me vs snow i'm going to win. 081201 ... unhinged i already don't have the strength to fight against the snow this year. it is only the beginning of winter and i already despise it. some day, someday i will live where it doesn't snow. 081201 ... jane i want to hear your story. promise. 090105 ... redTree yay! prodigal_emotions_ is back! 090122 ... unhinged for an installment anyways you know i've always had trouble keeping it going on my own 090122 ... ever dumbening if you can make it to madison on the 21st or chicago on the 22nd, i highly recommend that you go see juana molina. she will make you happy. 090209 ... unhinged weird i've been thinking of you lots because i'm trying to get to chicago this friday to see rebirth but part of me wants to bitch out cause it wouldn't be right without you 090209 ... rt i've heard some music lately that made me think of you and wonder if you have heard of them... heartless bastards the black keys dan auerbach (tbk's frontman) 090327 ... unhinged i have not heard any of those acts but i will youtube them 090328 ... cr0wl i am so thrilled for you. seriously. i said those things because i know you are an amazing, awesome, and well-deserving girl and in the right time your love would definitely find you. love hard. be yourself. life at robin_hill is thrilling and present moment as always. my first grandchild is olive sized in beth's belly and kathy and i are already planning ways to create a fantasy playland on part of our property. hil has a new sonic youth sounding band called virgin birth which is doing well in the hipster pittsburgh area and greta is key gripping on a feature film which will be in sundance this january, so the gods are smiling and slapping high fives. be well nicole...i'm very happy for you. gavin and lilly would be proud. 090627 ... jane have you heard the black keys' version of "have love, will travel"? p.s. have not forgotten about mail. i promise i will make it worth the wait. 090627 ... unhinged that is the amazing wonderfulness of him and us; i am myself with him and never feel weird or awkward. i can talk with him about things that are usually hard for me to talk about. we have both gone through some bad relationships, his more serious than mine, but we are exactly what the other was looking for. it has been a whirlwind of a month. six months ago i would have never believed this would happen i was getting so sad and impatient and lonely. i'm glad your family is well. i could just imagine the awesome playground you and kathy will make at robin hill for your very first grand peanut. the baby is probably due in march huh? another pisces in your family....which will make the two of you very close. pisces' can read each others' minds. me and my o-man have that sometimes. and the other daughters up to super cool things; i guess i wouldn't expect any less from you guys. i agree; i think the universe is throwing high fives all over the place these days. i haven't heard that song. i will try to check it out. don't be sorry about the mail. you just said to nag you about it and i am more than happy to oblige in the nagging department ;-) 090628 ... cr0wl sorry to hear you're upset. 090915 ... unhinged thanks kev. i'm not as upset as i was when i was still with him; i am more upset about anthony leaving town. but on the other hand, my brother will hopefully be a couple thousand miles closer in a few months. and my relationship this summer finally made me realize that i am worth more than i previously gave myself credit for and am beginning to think about looking for a job where i am well compensated and actually appreciated for what i do. i have learned how to smile even if i am sad. i have learned how to feel something fully and let it pass on it's way (mostly). i guess i am growing up. or something. 090918 ... cr0wl what brings your brother closer? that's great news! what are your thoughts for a new job? 090919 ... unhinged my brother is graduating from uh in december and moving to san francisco for culinary school. not sure exactly when culinary school starts; i try not to bombard him with questions like that cause i know our parents are making him crazy doing that. part of me wouldn't mind still teaching, just in a better environment. i love to teach but i don't always end up with quality students. i am the cheapest violin teacher at the store i work at, so a certain amount of my business is generated from that fact alone. eh, i could bitch at length about my current job, but i've been doing that for months and it hasn't helped. on the other hand, part of me is burned out from teaching, but i'm not sure what i would do instead. my dream job would to be a touring musician, but that isn't very practical with my injuries. doing editorial work for some kind of publication is another idea in the back of my head; i did a lot of editing as part of my assistantship in grad school. but i don't really have any formal training in that. *shrugs* my uncertainty and unhappiness with work has led me back to my neighborhood shambhala center though so there's that. i think i am going to take a class there next weekend called 'the art of being human' once again i am internetless, but don't have anywhere near as much spare time or friends to let me use their wifi. 090925 ... cr0wl you make me swell. 100106 ... unhinged well i do think you're pretty great ;-) 100106 ... dennis browne thanks, nic. 100107 ... cr0wl hug 100212 ... unhinged hug 100212 ... jane i'm sorry that the last time we talked, i had to cut us off and run. i hope you were able to work out what you needed to, and i hope that even my brief presence was somewhat helpful. i am still here if you need anything. i've just been elusive lately. hope you're okay. 100212 ... unhinged no problem at all. i was just very pleasantly surprised to hear from you. random phone calls from people i haven't heard from in awhile are the kind of thing that make my day. things are on the up and up and then my hormones and my reactivity come along and smash a lot of my hard earned peace of mind. my life is still more tumultous than i want it to be, but like i said that is just as much to do with my reactivity. i have to get back to my meditation center. that has fallen by the wayside since christmas. the restaurant under my apartment has amazing mac and cheese. they have a regular four cheese and a gourmet version or two everyday. the thing that finally drew me in was a lobster and gruyere version. they didn't have any of that left, which is just as well since i try not to eat even ocean animals, but the regular four cheese was just what i needed. mm mmmm mmmmmm 100212 ... jane glad to hear about your (newfound?) swaggering! 100306 ... unhinged i went for a walk in the sunshine today with mos_def in my headphones and realized i wanted to shake my butt down the street. i have brand new super huge sunglasses that also draw attention (check out the new pics on my myspace). there were many joggers and runners out in my hood today and at the end of my walk an older guy ran past me (probably saw me dance a little) and threw his arms out and up. i nodded and even said out loud 'yeas, that is how i feel too dude' maybe the swagger is not so much newfound as more constant....? depression and swagger don't go together too well, but i've mostly gotten rid of that first one. i think it also has to do with all the attention i find myself getting from my increase in confidence. shooting ( kindred ) boys down has quickly become a favorite hobby of mine. 100306 ... cr0wl i'm printing out our story and taking it with me to hawksworth. that's where i wrote my last installment. there's a garage of my own with accordion-style french doors built in 1880 where i escape the heat and nap and smoke and write. but only on fridays so look for my next piece this sunday. cheers! 100817 ... cr0wl i'm presently watching the tudors season 1 and i must say i think you resemble natalie dormer who plays ann boleyn. 100824 ... no reason hey, cool. my dad was a producer on the first couple of seasons of that show. i've never actually seen it... ah, shameless family promotion. (and hey_unhinged) 100824 ... cr0wl i'm glad to hear that your circle is spinning within the square and is returning to happiness. i miss your words. we shared many years of wonderful storytelling. i think square_the_circle would be popular amongst teens and young adults. remember david and leigh. such madness. dennis browne and kayla? what? it was craziness, but wicked fun. take some time for your self and immerse your soul in cooking and buddah. i'll be waiting for you. 100902 ... unhinged thanks for the ridiculous compliment kev. i think i have finally reconciled my feelings of that situation i emailed you about. it helps that he isn't harassing me anymore. he still texts me every three or four days but i don't have to turn my phone off anymore. i finally believe i deserve better. it's kinda weird though; he spent most of his energy trying to convince me that i should be with someone better. that seems weird somehow....and now that i finally believe him, he seems upset. *sigh* i still think about the last time we kissed and how i felt. i've kissed someone else since then, but it seemed flat in comparison. the difference between attraction and love i suppose. i had reread square_the_circle when i was trying to come up with memories_like_clouds. sometimes, i read my own words and can't quite believe that i created them. words, music, love just flow out of me. i don't know how or when or where. it's still a question i have for the universe. 100902 ... cr0wl what is a buddhist funeral like? 100915 ... cr0wl welcome back. it is a lonely red sky when you are gone. how did it go with your parents? look for my episode soon. much love... 101021 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I was reading the George Elliott Clarke poetry book, Black (which I'd renewed from the library, wanting to read it more slowly), when I came across a bit that made me laugh, then made me think. It reminded me of something you would write. At the end of "Shore", page 93: Love is not a word to fuck with. He isn't usually pithy, and this came after a torrent of adjectival eloquence, making me grin. George Elliott Clarke isn't secretly you, is he? Maybe we're all partly everyone else. 140114 ... unhinged hhhhmmmm last i checked, no i am not him. but it is sweet of you to compare so. things_that_made_you_smile_today and i will have to check out this tome the next time i make it to the library. delving into books when i'm sad has become a rediscovered coping mechanism since i moved to seattle 140115 ... e_o_i Not that big of a book. The great thing about poetry for the lazy reader (me) is that there are lots of delicious blank spaces. I hadn't realized that this page was so long when I wrote on it. I'd just had some vague idea of its previous existence. I hope things are going well for you. Namaste y arrivederci, bien sur... 140115 ... unhinged the peacock in me enjoys a blather shoutout now and again. the whole getting dumped on christmas eve thing has been rough. im still trying to process my feelings on that. he wanted to stay friends; i said hell no. but the lonely void left behind has recently become...familiarly painful territory. as a result, i have gotten somewhat back on track with my yoga and meditation. and plunged myself into eastern european/russian translated fiction. i just discovered this morning that my primary energy of the five wisdom energies is padma. my teaching career is taking small steps forward. so i guess overall i am doing rather well. trying to maintain a warriors balance in the midst of turbulent waters. how has your new year been so far? 140116 ... e_o_i Year... hmmm... it's going, I guess. I don't seem to be progressing very far in any direction, but maybe that's a matter of perspective. Recently I've been wasting my time trying to apply for jobs. My rate of doing so is about two per week, and some people do so five a day. It's not as if there's one particular thing I want to do. I'm just looking for something that will get me started. I have my tutoring (in fact I did five hours in a row today, which is maybe why I'm grumpy) but I want something with more hours because I'm in debt to my parents who are in debt to the bank and I can't go around being a blob of uselessness, but I also want to have time to get some writing done, or at least record the Canadian_Winter song. It's not time that I need, it's motivation. And the kind of pressure I've got doesn't provide motivation, just anxiety. See what would happen if everyone told the truth when asked, "How are you?" They'd spout all their minor or major problems and the world would collapse under the weight of the kvetching. I have an idea. Can I send you an email? My name will be Kirsten (if it isn't already) and I want to send you the midi file of the first movement of my string quartet Round Trip. It won't sound like real music, since it's a midi file of the MuseScore version, and the score itself isn't quite ready, but it gives some idea of the composition so far. 140116 ... unhinged kvetch go ahead send me an email i will check that dinosaur address 140117 what's it to you? who go blather from