perfectionism amy well, i'm more awake than i used to be... and i spend all my time thinking about how much more work i have to do. and besides that, what are all these fucking books doing on my shelves? I don't even want to read Valis!!! but: life goes one. 030804 ... ( ... ) blue::saliva 030805 ... nr i don't love learning difficult things all by myself. i'm realizing how helpful it is to me to be in the same space as others who are working on the same thing, to commiserate and help when confused, and complain and joke around. it's how i learn and avoid getting too discouraged and frustrated. i am not naturally good with tech, and am definitely not at the natural problem-solving stage. if something doesn't work, i spend half a day trying to figure out why, and i just can't do that. i emailed the instructor to tell her i was having some trouble, and she sent me a nice email back saying she totally understands and is/was the same way, and to try not to stress and do what i can. but i can't. i'm not used to not being able to manage things like this. sometimes you just have to let go of the perfectionism and be easier on yourself. you have to talk to yourself. you're not dumb because you don't understand new things right away or because other people might understand them more quickly. there's nothing wrong with you if you're having trouble. it's normal. but will you listen to you? time will tell. 211020 ... nr you will first impulse-buy sunflowers and a funny-looking gourd, and eat chips and drink wine. maybe the coding will make much more sense drunk. 211020 ... tender_square a house is never perfect, i know this. yet pressure looms to make it so, especially when someone else is going to pay me to live there. i keep calling experts for quotes, detailing projects that i can't do on my own and need help with. their poking and prodding the guts of my house begets more problems. the cost of materials is climbing. they don't split out the costs for that and their labour, it's a secretive pricetag. how do you balance for unforeseen emergencies along with projects that require significant investment but will (hopefully) help save money in the long run? 230207 ... kerry maybe a little dose now and again would be good for me. if i had any perfectionist tendencies i wouldn't be drowning in clinical notes, dust, dirty dishes. 230208 what's it to you? who go blather from