discouraged epitome of incomprehensibility What do you do when two people you care about, formerly friends, end up deeply resenting each other after a series of misunderstandings, and one is willing to make things better but the other isn't? And it's not just discouraging for you, but it affects the people around you? Well, apparently you don't grab one of them by the hand and push them towards the other one, saying, "Here, you need to talk to each other." That is essentially what I did, in a combination of idealism and pissed-off-ish-ness. At first it seemed to work. They were at least talking cordially. But then Person 2 informed both me and Person 1 that it was no use as long as Person 1 refused to apologize. The thing is, Person 1 didn't do all the things Person 2 accuses him of doing. I could tell Person 2 this, but I think I've meddled enough. It shouldn't be my business if they hate each other - they're free to feel what they want - but it upsets me. Why did I interfere in the first place? For one, I thought things were softening up, that Person 2 was in a malleable mood; and, I see it now, I thought I could be the brave saviour who'd finally fix things. My main faults, I'm aware of, at least two: I am selfish and I get angry too easily. Thus I understand how people can be selfish and angry. But I don't understand why people hold grudges. I'm ridiculous, though; I imagine myself gladly slapping both Persons 1 and 2 when I think about how stupid (from my perspective) they're acting, but I still claim to like both of them. And it's true. I don't hate either of them. How can I like people and still get so angry at them, you might ask? Well, I'm fucked up and irrational. But while I can comprehend the fucked-up irrationality of myself, I find it hard to understand the fucked-up irrationality of others. But really, what use is it? What's the use of hating people??? It's not an evolutionary viable strategy. Maybe hatred is just competition that goes too far? But it's a waste of energy. Why not just get angry, then fucking get OVER it? Why deliberately hold a grudge against a person who's probably not a serial killer (unless meat is murder) or, I dunno, a Nazi? (Yes, on the whole, there tend to be fewer Nazis in the 21st century.) Yes, people who hold grudges are evil. They should all die painfully. No hypocrisy there. In all seriousness, I could claim not to hate anybody - honestly, I don't think I actively hate anybody right now - but someone who knows me could probably dredge up an example proving me a wrong. My faults are different, not better; I shouldn't pretend to be morally superior. But being discouraged? I'm not pretending. (Mais je ne getterai pas involved again. Vous sortez out votre propres problemmies from aujourd'hui on, okay?) 131107 ... e_o_i To be clear, I'm not talking about anyone here. But while I'm at it, raze and dafreman would make a good blues-rock band. Just sayin'. I could be back-up vocals and stuff. (Not that you probably even dislike each other in any way. I'm probably making that up.) (Actually, that is a thought. I mean a musical blather_collaboration in general. If I had a better microphone - why is everything incompatible??? Fuck machines. And not in a sexual way.) 131107 ... e_o_i (Dafremen, I mean. And evolutionarily. I need more sleep.) 131107 ... raze i want to say something here, but i don't want to make it about me and my own tendency to sometimes carry a grudge. two things, though: 1. as frustrating as the situation must be, i think you did the right thing by trying to get those two friends to talk things out. sometimes it takes someone who's on the outside of a disagreement to catalyze the process of patching things up. that it wasn't successful this time doesn't mean you shouldn't have tried. 2. daf and i were never terribly close and haven't talked in any meaningful way in a long time, but we did have some fun times joking around way back in the day, when blue was insanely busy all the time and he was a little more prone to engaging in random silliness for the sake of random silliness. i still laugh when i think of the time i popped up on the "average blatherer's age" blathe on blue to say i was 52 (when i was 17 or 18), and daf came back with something like, "clearly johnny's going by dog years, which would make him about 8 years old." 131107 ... e_o_i Sorry, I shouldn't have dragged your name into this. My "random sorting" mode of thought has its drawbacks, and I didn't mean to suggest you were one of the people who hold on to anger by off-handedly including your name in this blathe. I was trying to think of things to make me feel better, ideas that would make me smile instead of wanting to pull my hair out. Besides, I suspect you don't hold grudges to the same extent as the people I was ranting about, but feel free to defend yourself in that regard because I'd probably benefit from hearing another perspective. About them, though, I think I should apologize to one of the people for being rude to them, and maybe leave it at that. 131108 ... e_o_i Off topic, were you the one who wrote a parody of Cinderella a long time ago? And John Malkovitch was in it, or maybe not? If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I guess not. 131108 ... raze oh no...you don't need to apologize to me! i wasn't offended at all. i thought what you said about me and daf was funny. i just wanted to try and say something encouraging without making what i said too much about me and my own friendship dances, and i guess the way i said that part of what i said didn't come out sounding the way i meant it to. ("say 'said' again," he said) and i know i wrote a "cinderella" parody that had john mellencamp in it...but i can't remember if malkovich was involved. i must revisit. 131108 ... e_o_i I am too attached to ebb and flow, and thus I've been happy that my life is better than it looked two years ago, but right now I'm discouraged. My mother's shown herself to be intolerant in a way that doesn't make sense to me. Partly I reacted emotionally; partly I think she's illogical. And partly I reacted emotionally to the illogically itself, which is weird of me. 150225 ... e_o_i (Pff, yeah, I react emotionally to adverbs. "The illogically" indeed.) 150225 ... nr when i feel like i can't do it i am not in the mood to try to do it 211020 what's it to you? who go blather from