incompatible nr jane hadn't renewed her passport in 10 years, and the last she remembered, you needed to fill out one of those pamphlets that came in either blue or green text (which she remembered from her teenage years as a post office employee) before heading to the passport office. to her surprise, the pamphlet was now completely online. she told james that she was surprised by that, and he told her he had had to print his. "oh, maybe it's changed since then?" jane guessed. "this was just a year ago," james replied in his slightly defensive tone. more words were exchanged, with both people somehow growing further away from each other, as they always do. jane knew what usually came after these exchanges but was still always somewhat surprised. james was never self-aware enough to realize the way things were or how or why, or maybe he was just good at pushing things deep down. by the end, jane always felt confused as to what had even happened, like she'd been on a rollercoaster she didn't even remember getting on to ride. how could something just come out of nothing? how could james so deny that something was actually something? "i was being normal. I WAS BEING NORMAL," James said multiple times. jane was quiet for a few seconds and then said quietly, "you were being normal." 250423 ... nr pam is direct about going for what she wants, i'll give her that. eric hadn't arrived to the party yet, but was due in about half an hour. "i don't know if i'll make a move, i'm shy about making moves." i looked over at her, a bit surprised. i had introduced the two of them months ago — not in a romantic way; they'd just both joined me at the neko case reading, along with two others — and they'd sporadically texted back and forth since then. i'd known she had a bit of a crush, but that was it. pam hadn't seen eric since the last time i'd seen both of them, at a library event two months ago. she spoke directly to eric pretty much the entire time last night at the party, so i was left to talk to steve, the only other person there at that point, who was a nice person but there wasn't much to say after awhile. steve then left. pam had been seated next to me, and just got up and moved to sit next to eric. "i'm letting you watch the leafs," pam joked as way of explanation, as if i needed the entire side of the booth to myself to watch the tv. she playfully poked him and put her arm around him at some point. even though it looked like there was something going on with pam and eric, i hadn't thought eric would be interested in pam. nothing against her. i just didn't see the right connection there, but what did i know? i suggested i stay at the bar and watch the rest of the game, and let them go hang out, since pam clearly wanted to hang out with eric separately and didn't care about watching the game. pam suggested they go on a walk, and eric shrugged and said sure. i moved over to the bar, ordered a vodka tonic, and began to watch the third period. right as the overtime period was about to start, eric texted me. "are you still at the bar?" i said yes, and he said he'd be right over. when he arrived, that guy at the bar who'd been telling everyone he was going to run for prime minister in 2029 had moved next to me and was enthusiastically pitching me his platform. he moved on to pitching to eric, and after he finally took a break to breathe, i asked eric how the walk with pam had been. "it was good!" he answered enthusiastically. "we walked around and then i walked with her to the bus." pam had also been texting me at this point that she'd wanted to kiss him on their walk, and that she'd kissed him twice on the cheek when i'd been in the bathroom at the bar. eric and i left the bar and walked for awhile in the same direction. "i wouldn't normally ditch someone's birthday party to watch a hockey game, but i was sensing a vibe and was trying to remove myself from being a third wheel," i said. "yeah, i have to say though, it was on her side," he admitted. "you're not interested?" he said no, and that he'd have to figure out how to tell her. i remembered how he'd told me. what he'd said hadn't been the same, but maybe it came from the same place. it made me wonder what would satisfy him and what he'd be ready for. i knew it wasn't her. 250423 what's it to you? who go blather from