shy
rollins some things are too embarassing
i could never tell you
i could never tell anyone
how much i think about you
how it scares me
Every morning as insomnia's grip loosens
i stare at your picture
i think your painful shyness
your ravaged self-opinion
your incredible beauty
how drawn i am to you
010830
...
jinx Only when I must be myself, and I don't know you.

If I know you, I'm me.

If I'm not me and on stage, I don't care.

If I don't know you and I'm not on stage, I won't speak unless spoken to.
020604
...
Sonya This used to be me but when I'm with you I don't really care who stares or what happens. The confidence flourishes and I can laugh!

When I was in junior high, I was voted "most shy" along with this other boy named Jeff. I remember talking to him for a little while after they took our photo for the yearbook and he confided in me (even though we weren't really friends) that he wasn't "shy" but he felt that if he said what was really on his mind THEY (the stuck up, overly perky "in" crowd) would send their little friends upon him. The recognition was real then. I told him I was the same way and for the rest of the year (it was our last year in junior high) whenever I saw him, we nodded at each other in recognition. I saw him only once in high school and by that point we were practically strangers again due to being in a place where nearly 2000 hormonally enraged people are 5 days a week.

What is shyness really? We say people are shy when they say very little, but do we ever wonder what they are thinking? I'd rather be mysterious than completely predictable. I'm shy, but not all the time. I'm certainly not shy with you. You're on your way to knowing it all. I'm enjoying the journey so far. Let's keep driving.
020605
...
birdmasked i have worn a dozen or more faces

some heartless and sinister
some bold
some foolish and comical

all to try and get around this fact
020605
...
Freak Some people say Im the quiet shy one...some people hear you say that and laugh their butt's off. 020903
...
Jarec not shy, just not very social 020925
...
chanaka why I run and hide in my room when someone comes over 020925
...
a doubledecker bus crashing into birdmad "and in a darkened underpass
i thought
'Oh, god -
my chance has come at last'

but then a strange fear gripped me
and i just couldn't ask"
020926
...
kerry i live through this same feeling every day
seeing your eyes pass over me and my lips part- i think, if i could only just say SOMETHING, right now- and i lose it, and act like nothing is wrong, and i walk away from you. and walking away from you is walking away from me is walking away from
practically everything.
because nothing amounts to the huge pile of bones i regret hiding in my closet, so many skeletons, i wish i would realize that not being shy is the only way i could ever get what i want.
020926
...
nr selectively shy, but without the option of selection

social when in control, but nervous facing the unexpected

brave on the stage, but scared when forced not to pretend
220527
...
past yeah, me too. next week i have to give a presentation to a big conference and i'm not concerned about that bit at all. it's a performance, i know how to act that part. but the unstructured parts before and after filled with small interactions? no thank you. i freeze and just cannot handle it. 220528
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