crowl two I wonder to myself what my crowl would resemble, embodied. any ideas? maybe i'll work this into my book. your musings make my heart smile, and at times, weep. thank you. 041102 ... crOwl i really appreciate that. it just thrills me. you don't know. i think your crowl will reveal itself to you when you are ready. that's cool you're writing a book. i would love to read it. what's it about? 041102 ... slothisily dear crOwl, you appear to me as a raven, soft as night, carrying warmth by the teeth to those in need. your words fall gently through space, through stars and suns and moons, to rest easily, sometimes words as red specks covered by leaves and pebbles are revealed as the wind blows into oblivion 041102 ... crOwl that was so beautifully written. you know me and i know you. thank you. i always look forward to your words. 041103 ... two my book ...! well, at the moment, i'm waiting for inspiration to let me know what exactly should appear between its pages. loosely, i think it will slices of my life / phases of my life accompanied by illustrations. heh, maybe my crowl will make an appearance someplace inside. (by the way, i'm glad you liked the image i showed you earlier...i wasn't sure if i should post it or not, but i felt it was fitting, and i'd just finished it) i'm not sure if this will be a small project or the gem of my life's work, but we'll see. 041103 ... aM i DiStUrBeD? crOwl, As you brought meaning to my name and words to my heart I feel that I must return the favour that you so selflessly bestowed upon me. I thank you for your words that you reach out to the world with; your tireless beacon that sends your signal across the turbulent seas of today, tomorrow and beyond. I feel that thank you is not enough. It does not describe the impact that your words have, the reactions they receive and the thoughts that concur with the idea placed forward by your mind. My feeble attempts will, I feel, not go unnoticed, but it will be enough to know that you read them. Thank you, from the depths of my heart, echoed on the floor of my soul. 041103 ... unhinged i still miss you i hope you can smile easier these days i hope it's all been worked out for the better 041103 ... crOwl two...your book sounds exciting, especially the combination of your own words and illustrations. i'm working on one of those now. it's great fun. so that was YOUR image? nice work. it fit very well. if you post others, please let me know. i'd like to see a drawing of your crowl someday. aM i DiStUrBeD? i sincerely thank you. your sentiments are humbly received and i will value them like one who knows treasure, the kind that souls warm to and hearts roost upon like silent birds. there are windows to a refined, cultured world, and the doors are open. flowers are in the boxes. blue is in the sky. you have stepped outside. nicole....thank you for your concerns. i'm doing well these days, although for many months i was consumed by my father's death. i hope you are doing good. so you're at music school? i totally enjoyed writng the david_leigh story with you at blue. 041104 ... unhinged my brother moved to hawaii and one of my other best friends moved to california. i truly feel adrift in the world these days. isolated, alone, depressed, barely functioning; proximity is more important to me the older i get. any lack of it pushes me back off the edge. the past couple o' months have been rather dark. i lost my light and it gets hard to find. i can't even imagine losing my dad, but it feels like i have lost people that in some ways are even more important to me because they are some of the only people on the planet that know the dirty stuff about me. but i guess it all comes back around again doesn't it? things leave and are taken from us and other things return. i'm moving back to ohio in about six months. cause yep, i'm still in music school up in wisconsin working on my masters and should be done with that by may if i don't drop dead first *grumble* school has run it's course for me. and hopefully, after a couple years i will be ready to jump back on the wagon for my doctorate. yes, writing together has always been fun for me. like two similar but opposite stars twinkling at each other. it does all come around again. 041113 ... crOwl what is your brother doing in hawaii? at least you get to visit and not only see him but get to hang out in paradise for a bit. where in california did your friend go? north or south? life travels i circles. some get lost in the fire, other newness springs from the ash. maybe we could begin a new writing project. 041114 ... bsc life travels in circles 041114 ... unhinged my brother is 'going to college' at the university of hawaii-manoa which is in and/or near honolulu. my friend moved to ventura california which is about an hour north of los angeles i think to go to school at the brooks institute in santa barbara. but i guess i was the one that moved away to go to school first huh? we should write together again. but maybe we could hold off for about another month because i'm afraid i would be seriously neglectful of any project we might start together that with it being the end of the semester and all. damn school to hell. it's been ruining my life for years. don't mind me; got some disturbing news today. waiting for the phone call that i need to come home for a funeral. and it's been like this for a year now, but it never gets any easier to know that he's doing badly again. and my shoulder is acting up again. pppffaaahh yep, we should write together again. that would make me most happy. 041115 ... crOwl small world. i lived in ventura for ten years on cedar street. my brother has lived there for 25 years. we used to go to santa barbara on the week-ends. i saw the shroud of turin exhibit at the brooks institute. our girls were all born in ventura. let me know when you're ready. i'll look forward to it and i wish you all the best as the semester ends. 041116 ... unhinged yes, it's those circles 'all my life's a circle and i can't tell you why; the moon keeps going round again, the days keep passing by' harry chapin so i guess you know where ventura is ;-) actually, i changed my mind; i think we should start our story now. but it's your turn to start cause i started the last two. 041117 ... crOwl ok. ideas are like so many horses. i need to catch the one. look for the story to begin on monday morning. 041118 ... crOwl square_the_circle_chapter_1_ your turn, nicole. 041122 ... unhinged nope, i believe it's your turn. ;-) 041122 ... crOwl sneak 041123 ... unhinged still your turn :-P *sniffle* i should be writing a term paper anyways 041123 ... unhinged so so sorry about the story haven't seen hide nor hair of the internet since wednesday; effeciently locked myself in my internetless apartment all weekend long. 041129 ... unhinged i guess i deserve to be held in anxious anticpation of writing the next chunk since i made you wait almost a week *sigh* 041130 ... . how are you? 041201 ... crOwl good to have you back... spent a solid 9o minutes this morning on the story while it stormed outside. was 2 minutes from pushing send when the power suddenly went out. fuck! lost it. oh well. see you tomorrow. 041201 ... unhinged yes, it was the first real snow yesterday and i walked down the street from the drug store with my tongue lolling out like a dog catching the fat fluffy snowflakes on my tongue. and finally, something got me to smile 041201 ... crOwl tag, you're it. 041204 ... unhinged ha 041204 ... crOwl sorry about all the recent typos. i re-read it and i was like, "fuck!" 041206 ... unhinged i think this one's a keeper. everytime we write one, it just keeps getting better than the last. our stories on blue were still pretty good though i think. ;-) 041207 ... . i wanted to write you a letter, to say thankyou for listening to me before for being who you are for your words your questions i don't think anyone ever really asked me for 'my story' before you did. it meant/means a lot to me that you asked me, that you read my letters, that you wrote to me. i feel it has helped me. i don't make friends often,...either i don't reach out to people or people don't reach out to me,...either way, i don't make friends often,...but you have been a friend to me and i thank you. i'll try never to forget it. 041207 ... crOwl you're welcome. 041208 ... unhinged i had a long night last night; i'll catch it tomorrow sorry ;-) 041208 ... mourninglight thank you, both of you for that beautiful thing you are making.. its as simple as that. 041208 ... crOwl thanks. that's much appreciated. 041209 ... unhinged tada you're up (i guess i don't have to leave you a note telling you everytime i post on our story cause the recent list shows it. *shrugs*) 041209 ... unhinged sorry dude but i have to pause on the story for a few days. i have a painful amount of work and tests in the next two days. i need a caffiene i.v. i need an automatic spell check. my eyes feel like they are going to fall out of my head. i want to crawl up into a hole and die or at least hibernate for the next three months like a big fuzzy brown bear. i need a hug. i will come back to it. it's my last tiny thread of sanity these days. 041214 ... crOwl it's at a good place for a pause, actually. the greyhound bus trudging along through the snow... everyone asleep or reading or having subconcious impressions... i feel bad for you and wish you well. i'm sure you can find a hug from someone. and somehow i think you'll be able to pull from this soul-trying time and distill it into the story. take your time and come back when you're ready. i'll be waiting. 041214 ... unhinged check tomorrow night/wednesday morning 041220 ... unhinged i know i promised and it's now thursday afternoon, but i'm still not quite ready...sorry dude and your bro is in town so don't worry about it 041223 ... crOwl the bus rolls on. kayla is asleep. scott is listening to the faint's, wet from birth. tim is chatting with the old philosopher about dreams. 041223 ... unhinged merry christmas ;-) 041223 ... crOwl and to you, a merry christmas... 041224 ... unhinged my brother uses pieces of our story as his away message;he has a piece you wrote up right now. 'what was he running from? what did he leave behind? where was he going? what would he do when he got there?' 050101 ... crOwl that's an honour. thanks for telling me. 050102 ... birdmad mine has three heads, , a cat, a raven and a man, and almost like one of Ezekiel's creatures, the man's head has two faces, one "normal and one vaguely demonic or at least distorted. it is frequently confused throughout its heads and prone to get mired in arguments with itself it has one black and one white wing on its back it and i have been wandering in circles for a very long time. 050102 ... unhinged sorry to leave you hanging but i'm a little more careful these days than i used to be; if it's not there, i just wait until it is 050103 ... crOwl i'm glad you are waiting for it to come to you because i think it's a great story and there's so much we can do with it, so many places we can take it, areas that can be explored. i'm in no hurry either. it's interesting because i have this idea about where ithe storyline could go at the present time with kayla's discovery and so i'm eager to see where you take it. if it in any way resembles my vision. if it doesn't, that's the wonder of this project we are working on. for instance, when scott left kayla at the food court in the rest stop to buy her a banana. there were many things that could have happened. and what you chose was not what i was thinking, but that was great because that's exactly how real life is. you just never know. it's also like parallel worlds or alternate realities. we ask ourselves, what would have happened if this decision was made instead of that one? do you know what i mean? but, i think the beauty of this collaboration is two minds writing one story; reacting, colliding, using personal experiences...it's an amazing thing that i'm glad to be a part of. thanks for your efforts. it's really fun. 050103 ... unhinged i feel like a truck ran me over today; i'm not sure why. never bothered to change out of my pajamas. i'm leaving ohio on saturday with mixed feelings. a few interesting things happened in the past three weeks; i have a lot to think about. but enough with the rambling, i feel like a truck ran me over. which kind of blocked up my creativity for the day. have i actually done anything that you wanted to do with the story? just curious...but i think we are finally used to writing together. this one is the most collaborative. but, it's still part me, part you, and part of both of us mixed together. 050112 ... crOwl hope you're feeling better. i must say i really enjoyed our recent blitz of everyday writing, kind of like things were really happening as we created them. i wake excited to see what's going on with our people. actually i wanted to see clara die, but i thought it was amazing how you saved her. it floored me. i read that and i was blown away. i had this whole image of tim on the lam in mrs. dupont's beemer being chased by police. but, even his circle needed squared, at least for the present. i think , as it haunts him, that is, what could have happened, it's something that he will learn from, yet i can see him stumbling again in the future, wrestling with temptation like we all do. i saw this french film recently called, happenstance. it's about how one tiny incident begins this long, spiraling train of events that eventually changes the world of a small group of people. just look at what happened because kayla began a conversation with clara at the rest stop. and so, what do you think about mrs. dupont's offer? before you take this idea and run with it let me add that she also gives them her cellfone number, directions to the house in reno, the security code and password to unlock the gate, and a grand each to help them get started. "fuck the greyhound," tim said, "dudes, let's rent a sweet ride and motor over to reno." just a thought. it's up to you. you've surprised me before and i'm sure you will many times more. that's what i love about this adventure. drink lots of water. get well soon. i miss the story already. 050113 ... unhinged a friend of mine almost died of an overdose recently; i couldn't let the cute little teen-aged punk die like that. one of those personal experiences of mine influencing our story; but most of my writing is only ever at the best an autobiography hiding behind a thin veil of fiction. i was thinking about just skipping a big chunk with our kids ending up in reno like they'd been there for awhile. i have some second hand personal experience with that area of the country that seems to fit kayla and tim's characters at least. oh by the way, i hope your bro is doing okay with those insane mudslides in ventura county. i guess they weren't near ventura the city, but i worry about it cause of my best friend that lives out there. i'm feeling passable today but i gotta go make the family rounds before i leave on saturday so i'll get around to it again later this evening. 050113 ... crOwl la conchita is five minutes north of ventura right across from highway 1o1. we used to drive by it everytime we drove to santa barbara. the hill is wicked steep above that little community. my brother told me he knows the poor hippy dude/fellow home-schooler that lost his wife and daughters, not personally, but he was one of those interesting-looking hard to miss types walking about the city from time to time. also, my brother used to date a girl who is one of the paramedic rescuers on the scene. it's a deep tragedy that does hit a lot closer when you have stepped foot in those areas. thanks for your concern. 050113 ... unhinged in that case i should call my friend :-\ we haven't really been talking for the past couple weeks. and unfortunately, i go back to milwaukee tomorrow where i have much more limited internet access. i won't be able to post on our story again until monday more than likely. unless i feel like heading up to campus when i get home from the airport which will more than likely be a big fat no. and just when it was starting to get violent again. damn ;-) 050114 ... crOwl kathy, hilary, greta, and i leave tomorrow morning for asheville, north carolina and then on down to ft. myers, florida to visit her parents. on the way back we're stopping in savannah, georgia. kathy has an online business so we'll have wireless access, but i'm not sure how much availability i'll have. probably some. i look forward to tim and kayla's gambling adventure. 050117 ... unhinged damnit....i guess it's an unintentional hiatus. forgot campus was closed for mlk day so i haven't gotten around to it til today. drat. 050118 ... crOwl my access to the computer at kathy's parent's house is very little, much less than i thought. but, my head is swarming with ideas and i will get them into our story as soon as i can. 050121 ... crOwl my access to the computer at kathy's parent's house is very little, much less than i thought. but, my head is swarming with ideas and i will get them into our story as soon as i can. 050121 ... unhinged dude, things with our story are going to be reeking of neglect now that i'm back to stupid motherfucking school. the last semester of a degree is killer; a lot of bureaucracy and coursework and comprehensive exams and recitals to iron out. my current mantra: four months from now it will all be over. sorry :-\ 050126 ... crOwl it's ok. remember, we decided to write this story realizing it would be affected by long spaces where we couldn't get to it. i think that's what will give it character and depth, all the experiences along the interim that will come forth with the blood, sweat, and tears of crazyass living. let's let it hang in the sun. it's always there when you have the time. speaking of hanging in the sun, we just got back from an island tour of southern florida. me, kathy, hilary, and greta spent a long week with the in-laws seashelling on the white sugar sands of anna maria, sanibel, marco, and tybee island in georgia. we also spent a day in asheville, north carolina splitting the divide between the new hippies and the southern yuppies. we stayed at a couple bed and breakfasts and heard some creepy ghost stories out of savannah. hilary said she saw one, a southern belle ghost who scared the bejesus out of her. she woke, feeling like someone was tightening the covers around her neck, followed by the sensation of falling. the ghost was in the corner of the room. tybee was my favorite. i felt like i was walking into a painting...sea grass, dunes, lighthouse, full moon. savannah(slow-vannah) is unbelievably charming. i loved the squares in the middle of town, 21 in all with fountains, cobblestone paths, and statues. its quaint and eclectic, all this southern history coupled with contemporary culture. the paris of the south. unfortunately, we drove eleven hours straight and came home at 1am to a broken heater and a frozen house. it's weird walking around your house seeing your breath, finding your toilet water frozen solid, all of your houseplants melted, your iguana dead. and then building a fire at 2am, trying to sleep beside it, waking every 15 minutes to a different siamese cat unable to contain the emotion-filled fact that they missed us. oh well, at least i have 285 digital fotos to help preserve the memory of our temporary winter escape. 050126 ... unhinged i miss such meowings from a kitty cat. my cat herself did such things even though her emotion stemmed more from her gut unless it happened to be a prolonged absence like that; and if that was so, she cried for at least a half hour or yelled was more like it. 'and just where in the hell have you been? and don't you ever leave me like that again.' we had to put my poor kitty to sleep over two years ago and i miss a noisy bundle of fur to talk to and harass and love. but, when i move in with wendy in august i will have a cat. her cat anyways. me and him will take some getting used to...anyways.... we used to go to the outer banks of north carolina all the way down by ocracoke. i miss it. so pale, pastel, grey brooding oceans, the salt and sun. just keep checking though; you never know when i might surprise you. 050129 ... crOwl i read a little more about your cat on blue, its wrist licking and how meticulous it was with its grooming. cats are crazy. i've had cats ever since the one i tried to sneak into my first apartment in ventura. you should get your own kitten when you move in with wendy because hers will never be yours. only kittens ever grow to be your cat. unless they are extremely friendly and loving. but then again, you could no doubt win it over. we are back to normal here at robin hill. the furnace man spent last thursday here working. he was a boyfriend of a friend who is also greta's boss. i had to help him slide the new and old furnace up and down the ice of our treacherous driveway, notorious for making vehicles suddenly and without warning slide down it, his van included. when he went home that night i guess he must have liked it here because he wanted his girlfriend to set up a weekend for the four of us to hang out. as for square the circle, i can imagine tim and kayla on their way to the casino in reno. tim driving the lexus firing up a fattie. kayla slips jeff buckley into the pioneer deck. meanwhile back at the mansion, scott hears a knock at the door. it's eric with a baseball bat and there's three other dudes with him. who knows what could happen? it's your turn. i love surprises. 050131 ... slothisily hey, i was wondering what cadeau de vous means. is that french? this is when taking spanish is of no help at all, oh well:) i really like your cadeau de vous blathes 050201 ... crOwl how about regalo de usted? cadeau_de_vous is french as you thought, and it means, "gift of you." geschenke is german for gift. thank you so much for your compliment. it means a lot to me to know you are reading the story. my favourite blathes of yours: a_day_in_the_night goodbye_world out_this_window dancing_trees 050202 ... slothisily thanks 050202 ... unhinged the funny thing about my first cat was she was originally my uncle's and he found her in an alley behind one of the many numerous houses he owns/rents, so who knows where she came from before that. she was a solitary beast that spent most of her time the way she wanted to; a lot like me and i guess that's why she slowly adapted to me. so i've never had a kitten; i prefer older cats who have grown through the hormones of youth that are already housetrained. i know gussie will never be MINE; he's way too much of a momma's boy for that. but that also means i don't have to worry about keeping the box clean or finding someone to take care of him if i want to take off for an extended weekend. animals have many of the same responsibilities as small children and i've been feeling the need for some irresponsibility. i didn't mean to intentionally divert the story away from your vision; i hadn't read this page again until today. but it is nice that things are once again a little more regular. 050228 ... crOwl kathy, greta, and i are taking the amtrak to los angeles. it boards tonight at 93o in greensburg, pennsylvania and then we have a 7 hour layover in chicago. back aboard, we'll have our own sleeping car until the west coast. i really doubt i will have any internet access, but one never knows. kathy's web business will be top priority. we'll be in ventura for two weeks, staying with my brother. we plan on spending time in santa barbara, doing a sideways winey tour, santa monica, san diego, pacific beach, and ensenada. i'm extremely excited... thrilled. kathy hasn't been back since we left. greta was two the last time she was there. and for me, who knows? there will be gifts to receive and give. i'll miss square the circle. it's been so much fun. as always, thanks for your outstanding efforts. i love where you have taken the story and characters. it has reached an area that is difficult to abandon. so, please know i will be writing, even if the words are scrawled across the slate of my soul. best wishes to you nicole. hope all is well with school, your music, and family. i'll be in touch soon. 050301 ... unhinged i'm jealous that you are headed to ventura ;-) maybe i'll get out there sometime before kt graduates and/or leaves. although the probability of natural disaster tends to make me wanna stay in the midwest. have fun on your trip. thank you for putting up one last post before you left even though you must have been busy. i got a lot of school work in the next couple of weeks anyways. 050302 ... unhinged glad you are back. glad you had a good trip. red was echoing quiet without_you around. 050319 ... crOwl thanks for the very kind words. i thought about you when we drove past the brooks institute. it's close to where we used to live in west ventura. greta is actually considering going to film school there. are you going home for easter? 050319 ... two your adventures on the train have me longing to travel, but to where, I'm not sure. p.s. what happened to sunil? 050323 ... unhinged yes,i am home for easter. 24 hour internet...yeah. and i saw owen walk for the first time yesterday and being around my little sunshine arielle has considerably brightened my pretty heavy mood of late. those kids...simply_put, i'm just glad that they're around. 050323 ... crOwl two: thanks for reading. i hope you do travel. i think it's one of the best things we can do and for so many reasons. as for sunil, (cadeau_de_vous) he's about ready to do some traveling himself. stay tuned... 050323 ... crOwl nicole, i know what you mean about children and how they can lift the spirit. this morning i taught a 6 year-old girl going on 18 how to parallel at the ski school i work at... just her and i on the slopes. when we weren't skiing, we were absorbed in some amazing conversations on the long chair lift rides. by the way, you do know it's your turn, don't you? 050323 ... unhinged yeah dude...sorry; i'm working on it 050323 ... unhinged i have a serious bout of the stomach flu and i have to fly back to milwaukee today where i will have limited access to the internet once again. give me a few days to get over this bug. sorry 050328 ... crOwl best wishes for a quick recovery. drink lots of green tea when you can hold liquids down again. organic yogurt with acidophilus and bifidus is excellent for restoring stomach health after the flu and for overall general digestive health. i hope you had a good easter. i'm sure you have many pleasant memories of your niece, arielle to take back with you to milwaukee. i liked how you brought clara back into the story. she is a major link between what's becoming two opposing forces and i think she will be key to some major events as things move forwards. as always, writing with you is both a privilege and a much anticipated thrill. take your time, rest when you can, and i'll be looking forward to your return. 050328 ... unhinged two arielle highlights of this spring break/easter: she came to spend the night with grandma and auntie nicole and my mom (grandma) was holding her and snuggling her cause she's still quite a little cuddle bug at 39 months. she grabbed my mom's face in both her hands laughing while my mom kissed her and said 'i love your grandma face.' the emphasis she put on 'love' seemed out of place for someone that little but then again a lot of the things she says and does seem out of place for her age. old little soul she is. and then we were at my aunt's or arielle's gappy's for easter dinner and poppa and gram's birthday (which is today) on saturday. me and arielle were running around her rather large kitchen because she is at the age where she likes to run and gappy tried to join in and she yelled 'no, just auntie nicole' which of course gave me some selfish pleasure. :-D my stomach still isn't right but it's not quite as liquified as it was the other day. i haven't puked like that in....well ever i don't think. it's teasingly spring around here today. i left my coat at home, but couldn't leave without a hoodie. my favorite kind of weather. i spent a significant amount of time reading way back into our story when i was at home. this might be the best one yet ;-) 050330 ... unhinged dude.... there are so many things in my head, my life right now that i can't find many words these days. i need to bow out for awhile, put my head on straight. you were somehow echoing a little too precisely events of my life with our story. it was kind of freaking me out. how my part in it morphed from the past to the present. i guess that's all i feel comfortable saying publicly. *sigh* 050418 ... crOwl i understand. if you ever want to continue, i'll be here, no matter how long. 050419 ... two you asked in another blathe about my artwork, & you can find it here: www.bentkey.net i'm happy you liked it oh, and p.s. i miss neues_leben, cadeau_de_vous & square_the_circle ... i'm always looking forward to your words. :) 050513 ... crOwl thank you, two. i really appreciate your kindness. cadeau_de_vous is a work in progress, it's just finding the time amongst landscaping work and project drawings to actually write it down. maybe sundays? square the circle is on pause until unhinged decides if she wants to continue. unless...you are interested in collaborating on something altogether different? 050514 ... cocoon Dear cr0wl, You are very sweet. But I cant add you on facebook, mainly because its not you that facebook keeps pushing on me [Note: Its still freaking me out. How does facebook know that I've even heard of this person?]. Also, I have a rule. Its stupid, but it goes like this: "No adding people on facebook unless I've met them in real life." Brought to you by the letters PARANOIA about putting too much of myself out there. For me, facebook is about keeping in touch with my family and close friends. I hardly know you, it would be a bit odd I think. And thus, I cannot oblige your request. But trust me, you're not missing out on much... Regretfully yours, cocoon. 090621 what's it to you? who go blather from