subpopular amy I think miniver's insecurities have done a pretty good job of guiding her along. Although I think her understanding or whatever of other people is quite limited and obscured by her own visions of herself. Just for an example, this "experiment" thing is not really a new idea here at blather. I would say that most of the more frequent posters here do a great deal of experimentation, personally and creatively. It's one of the cooler things about this site, and the people who post here. But what I like about miniver is what she seeks, which seems to be some high degree of self-actualization. Now whether that actualization is recognized or not seems to be some kind of issue for her. I think she probably hasn't gotten to the bottom of what really annoys her. I think she's probably not ready. I know I wasn't ready when I was 18. There is a whole lot of wisdom in recognizing not-readiness. as there is a lot of wisdom in being insecure and sensitive. you just do whatever and make lots of mistakes. (i don't make *enough* mistakes!) Then you gain those hard-earned realizations that come so much more slowly than book-knowledge. Although not nearly as lucid or abstracted and comfortable as book knowledge can be. Those realizations can take a lot of you with them. (hmmm... I think I'm scaring myself right now. Why's life so scary?) but anyway, miniver's not invincible (and she knows it) and I agree about conflict being good. Hey! A rambling experiment! (but it actually took me far too long to be rambling. i don't know how to ramble, i don't think) 000906 ... miniver Yeah, the insecurity thing is probably pretty true. I do try to consult with myself on my motives for doing certain things -- certain things that might seem suspicious in motive -- but, as has been evident on blather, if anyone was daring to form their own not-so-complimentary opinions, I usually just end up talking myself into a persistently futile and self-obsessed confusion. But, I think everyone's understanding of other people is inevitably limited and obscured by his/her own visions of him/herself. Although, if it's your opinion that this were even moreso the case for me -- assumably because I'm a little more obsessed about my self-visions and/or 'self-actualization' -- then, again, I'd probably agree. With your proposition of the experimentalness of blather, I disagree. Well...not disagree, so much -- I'm really just perpetually dissatisfied. Sure, we're all smart, creative sort of people here, so what we do ends up being a little smarter and more creative. There is so much more to be done, though! I can feel it! And, at the moment, I consider myself just as unexperimental as everyone else. But, lately, I want to push things, maybe. So, I be pimping out my excess self-actualization! Hah. I have my own way of doing things, obviously. That said, I'm absolutely positive I haven't gotten to the bottom of what really annoys me! I don't think I've gotten to the bottom of much of anything, nor do I think I ever will, most of the time. But that's what all this crap is about, too. I want people to tell me how wrong I am! I want response. I want, say, 'Amy' to post 6 paragraphs about me and my experimental blathercriticisms! I want to make people angry, even, or thoughtful, or anything at all -- and, frankly, I don't think that anger and pain are/should ever be the end of it. And I'm excited about all of such silly, intellectual sort of crap. Truly, I am. But I'm not really all that secure about it. I have to push myself, too. I've got my opinions on everything, and I'm all-too-prepared to fork them out to any remotely-receptive being -- but that's just as much because I realize that they need so much more work, and picking apart, and slapping down, and bludgeoning-from-without as it is because I think I'm right. I think I've got some cool ideas, and mostly I just want other people to tell me everything they think about those ideas. Everything. I may be set to argue -- and, in fact, I know I'm damned good at arguing -- but that doesn't mean I don't pay attention to the opposing arguments; if anything, I like to think it means that I pay even more attention. I like to think. I also like to read, and I like to 'be read'. Aha. Yes. You've got me, there. I'm young, and I have much to live. But, I think I'm doing it -- trying to. I'm being a little obnoxious about it lately, true, true. But that's for a reason, as well. In the name of science? Attention-seeking? Insecurity-evasive mechanisms? In the name of ridiculous intellectual crap? Oh, boy. What do you think? 000907 ... thinks I think it might be wonder that pushes you on...and i think that's good. 000907 ... sleepless I really do like the word subpopular. Whether or not it's entirely healthy to be spending so much time at this particular site and submitting a lot of writing, don't a lot of the reasons given above kind of explain why the majority of us are here? We have things to say - funny things, sad things, profound things, stupid things, emotional things, heartbreaking things, insightful things, whatever. And we are often 'different' and even 'experimental' in saying them. We could speak them out loud in the morning bus queue, but the chances are we'd get carted away by men in white coats. If we didn't post them up here, in the quick, efficient and easy way you can with blather, what would we do with all these thoughts and writings? If you're like me, the stuff fills notebooks, floppy disks, random documents in messy folders on your hard drive, unsent emails in your drafts folder. I've used all of these, and I'm sure many of you recognise the same organisation (or lack of it) of bits and pieces of your writing. Of course, there will be always be things that are completely and utterly personal, that I can't put on blather - but equally, I can say a lot here because I remain relatively anonymous. The crucial thing is that, with a lot of writing, you want a reaction. Much of the stuff I write will only ever be for my eyes, but with some of it I do decide that I want a reaction. Publishing in paper form isn't within the reach of most people. Blather is. And we can get almost instant reactions (I've not been blathering for long, but one does get a certain thrill when a response is posted!) And the most important thing is that blather can provide inspiration to do all this - just head straight for the list of recently-posted words! So, where was I? (Yes, Amy, this is definitely a ramble - and don't think you're not any good at rambling. You are!) Experimentation, personally and creatively - yes; insecure and sensitive - yes; scared by life - yes; not invincible - yes; smart and creative - yes; perpetually dissatisfied - yes; ridiculous intellectual crap - yes; obnoxious - yes; opinionated - yes; wonder - yes. Do I get to come back next week, then? 000907 ... thinks hope so 000907 what's it to you? who go blather from