so_afraid_so_alone unhinged they lied when they said time would make it better 080726 ... they We didn't have anything helpful to say and we thought it might make you feel better. 080726 ... hsg you cannot beat time in a staring_contest. as long as you hold onto hurt it will increase. you will let it go at some point. it's your will that will change. not time. not your past. shift_perception th is a g IF t (ak in) sufficient humility. if you really wanted to, thi((s pa(i)n)) could last more than one lifetime. but i don'think you wanth@. nor do you deservevanother second of suffering. let.... go_follow_your_dreams_unhindered it all happen whenever you want it enough to just_do_it. n_i_k_e 080727 ... sameolme That sounds right, remember that emotional suffering is something that we do, and it is possible to stop doing it. 080727 ... unhinged (following my dreams has nothing to do with feeling like i want to die because the pain inside me makes no sense. but i guess you are right; it is my fault i always end up alone. or with assholes. cause i actually have looked at this problem from some different angles, and it always seems to come back. it's not really any good to trust anyone but yourself, but what happens when your body turns on you? whatever; i can't argue about this. i have this raging irrational pain and fear inside of me. as hard as i've tried to change, some things will always stay the same. i am sick. i have this overwhelming ache in me to share my life with someone. these two things do not go away. i can hide from them in dreams, but right now reality is too busy smacking me in the face) 080727 ... sameolme I have to tell myself that I can't assume that I can help. I often feel like Woody Harrelson in White Men can't Jump after he offers Rosie Perez a glass of water and gets an unwanted lesson in empathy. 080727 ... Lemon_Soda Fault has nothing to do with it. It is noones fault. There IS no fault. Fault is an illusion, a buffer, a shield. You are you. There is no better, there is no worse. There is now, always now. Are you here? Now? Or are you thinking about then? Or when? You can be haunted by the past. And the future. Try to dea lwith now. You are exactly who you are. 080728 ... Ouroboros what's the point? I keep loosing sight of what the point to keeping going is 080728 ... unhinged i myself sometimes feel like a hamster in a wheel 080728 ... Lemon_Soda Motion often is confused with progress...your actually in a really good position when you can see that your just spinning your wheel. Have you started doing things that make a differance yet? 080729 ... sigh YOU'RE DIFFERENCE 080729 ... dosquatch It only hurts when I live. 080729 ... Lemon_Soda I don't recall making specific suggestions. SPECIFIC answers need to be found on your own. Pretention and snap judgement here on blather? No, never. ;) 080730 ... unhinged hot weather makes people cranky 080730 ... unhinged getting_over_it is taking longer than i want it to. way longer. trauma has a way of hiding itself until you can deal with it i guess. but it's like the layers of an onion; seemingly unending. most of the time it feels like it never happened (maybe because it wasn't the first time it happened). but then i will be laying down trying to sleep and the tears just slip out before i can stop them. the tourniquet of some arms wrapped around me at night seems like the surest antidote. that just sounds like a weird thing to ask for 'i need your arms around me when i sleep.' it's just not the same when you have to ask. 080809 ... hsg hun, inj'd - friend, i understand. please trust me when i share with you that there is a greater love awaiting you that doesn't stop loving because of the weather. 080809 ... unhinged yes, but i'm quite tired of waiting and getting trampled by assholes in the process i really wish i had a safety valve on my heart i saw him today and it made me think about how i used to ache to be with him and how she bristled at the sight of me. but that was several boys ago; my heart has no leanings towards him like that now. but of all of them, he was the only one that had the balls to ask me what i couldn't just say. or when i was talking to him about joseph_and_i and he asked me if that was how i felt about him. i remember the intersection we were walking across when he asked me. thrown off, i just said 'yeah, pretty much,' and then i felt like i wanted to run away. what_a_paradox the part of me that could envision the next half a century with the same person the part of me that wants to run, finally find myself that cave and crawl up in, at the mere mention of forever at least now the voice in my head is pointing out these things rather than just telling me i'm a worthless piece of shit 080809 ... unhinged i was talking to my friend andrew who is a bassonist about my upcoming audition and how i was having doubts and he said 'you know we all think like that right girl?' he's from mississippi. his southern drawl is like a blanket. 080809 ... LEMON SODA RESPONDING CHECK 081110 ... unhinged currently not so afraid or so alone 081111 what's it to you? who go blather from