what_a_paradox unhinged deluded self_sacrifice 070414 ... 8 self sacrifice is good ... but only if it doesn't harm you. there is a limit to everything............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ ..................... apart from one thing.............................. .......... it is free...... ...................... and if it is true.................................................................................................. it shouldn't harm you. 070414 ... what solution can there be i am tired of people and i am also tired of being alone... ...and the people won't let me metaphysically sleep... 070421 ... unhinged i deserve better but i'm not good enough 070430 ... at last, i've figured it out! apparantly i'm unable to figure anything out whatsoever. 070501 ... ANGRY no - that can not be true. i don't know what happened on september 11th that was more like a war not a terroist attack? ? maybe there is some new news on what happened there ? i don't particlllary want to think about things like that any more.. it horrible - just like many things... maybe the other planet just hads bugs on it. maybe i died an this is what heaven is ? i don't fucking know... but i miss having a laugh with my friends and people acting normal yeah evereyone wants to live in a film and design the sets... ? what you on ? don't go to the opposite side of the universe from me photon... don't confused me like that.s 070501 ... unhinged i'm tired of being on set for people when they have a production they want to make then being shoved to the side when they have new sets and new casts and new productions. withdrawing_again again i am reminded of milarepa 070501 ... jane paradoxymoron 070501 ... unhinged spring is a bad time of year for me. it reminds me of death and ending. it is the end of the school year. she is moving to alaska. she is gone. i am going to fucking miss her. i excised him from my life. eliminated his bullshit. which has caused my band to pretty much be defunct. there has been a lot of death this spring. 070524 ... unhinged good boys are boring bad boys give you ulcers 070524 ... been there bad_boys get boring after a while, too... and the malsentiments which follow turn the good_boys into heroes 070524 ... jane paradoxymoron 070525 ... unhinged i never told you, but i expect you to know you want to share with me, but not what i want you to share 080804 ... unhinged i don't want to hurt anymore, but i am attracted to the people that hurt me. or i attract the people to me that hurt me; always walking the razor fine line between nice and push_over 080804 ... "What a" Man Polar bears are a hot topic these days. 080811 ... unhinged today is the first day of spring and it is the coldest miserablest day so far this week healthy skepticism 090320 ... unhinged focus on the breath singularly to learn how to spread the heart all over with equanimity when we create a hierarchy of importance and place certain people, places, things above others that is when we suffer 090411 ... hsg ^^^ that has helped me with a lot sometimes. 090412 ... unhinged sensible heart 090521 ... unhinged messing_with_blown_cherry's_head isn't the definition of the feeling of loneliness that it is not satisfying enough to be/feel all alone? i find it telling bullshit that a therapist would say 'well kid, learn how to be happy alone' when even primatologists say it goes against our basest nature to be alone. that at the heart of it, humans are social animals. that even tulkus, lamais, and other assorted gurus say the first key to lasting happiness is to find a like_minded person to share your life with. we met in a bar, yet i am beginning to be pissed at the amount of time he spends in bars. (we are approaching two months; the limit of my bullshit tolerance lowers with time) 090722 ... Photophobe What the therapist is indicating is that too much of bc's happiness is wrapped up in the idea of love. Her search for love may or may not be futile, but, regardless: until the long delayed day when she finally achives this big love arrives she needs a way to exist with some base level of happiness. 090723 ... unhinged being with you hurts me being without you hurts me more 101219 ... unhinged i don't want you to call i don't want to see you when i don't hear from you when i don't see you i feel even shittier abandoned (you are my biggest motivation for leaving_here it takes so much fucking effort for me to leave you behind i wish i had a positive place to put all that energy) 110502 ... unhinged i'd like to think i don't care what you think but we all know that's not true 151106 ... unhinged i used to think i was non_violent we are watching the news the destruction the chaos the black man that keeps my heat on in the winter is gleeful (they lynched his great uncle for refusing to accept less than he was worth, dragged him out of prison, strung him up in a tree and shot him two HUNDRED times) as the boot left marks on my own neck ive done things the way i was supposed to i vote i pay MY goddamn taxes i follow the rules but i also am a student of history they are making a peaceful revolution impossible so i am also watching burning police precincts with glee if you care more about property than me so be it burn it all down 200608 what's it to you? who go blather from