junk_mail
jennifer Greetings lucky winner! You hold in your hand your ticket to success
and happiness. Yes, this simple envelope can transform your life! Do
you need:

A new car to compensate for your small genitalia?
To impress people that you hate?
A big house to hold all your useless junk that you're too insecure to
throw away?
Many exquisite vacations to escape the personal hell you've
created for yourself?
A faster computer to download all that pornography?
A sexier spouse?

Well, it can all be yours - everything you think you've always wanted and
much, much more. All we ask for in return is a few magazine subscriptions
and your soul.

- Dick & Ed
000508
...
daanuh where did they get my name?
it's allways just the same
i think i'll change address
i'm not a resident
i'm not an occupant
guess what i got today?
envelopes i'll throw away
pamphlets, brochures on clothes samples, tampons, nylon hose
send it back from where it was sent
they must take me for an idiot
they can have it i don't want it
they can keep it
i don't need any junk mail

-Circle_Jerks
001114
...
mmm give everyone who sends you chain mail this address:
www.geocities.com/ifyousendchainmail/
010423
...
bijou i'm thinking of blocking emails coming from my little sister. she forwards me a bunch of bullshit. all from her friends "superpinkpower44" and "sillyFuzzybunny18" and "sparklefaceBaby99".

ugh.
010813
...
whoknows increase you ejaculation by 581%
i hate shit like that
011208
...
ClairE From: amiee@hugetitsxxx.co...
Subj: Like big - puffy nipples - Check out these ba...

From: Hey You, Dream of ME...
Subj: Hey You, Dream of Me!
011209
...
ClairE Subj: I like it bald! 020109
...
oren Subj: Where have you been?

Body: Click here to see my new pics!


Subj: I missed you last night!

Body: Click here to see my new pics!
020109
...
ClairE From: Rainbows! ---- Subj: Friends_are_like_Rainbows!

From: Monkey ---- Subj: Monkey_Bad_Hair_Day!
020115
...
Teenage Jesus I got that crap as well. 020115
...
little fury bug
Hot horny hunnies just waiting for you!

Increase your bust size in 30 days!

So you want a bigger penis?

Lose 92 in 3 days!

Single? want company?

---VAR-!!

Make yourself feel younger!

TEEN SLUTS!

Home Loans and Refinancing at Low Rates!

Farm girl delight!!!

Free love here!

.
020618
...
tourist It was a huge package filled to the brim with 1952 Willis Jeep parts. Now who in the hell sent me that? The mail man is really pissed at me now. 020618
...
ever chuckling gotta love the internet, eh?

***

DR. YAHAYA MUHAMAD. ACCOUNT DEPARTMENT UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.
MARINA- BRANCH, LAGOS..

TO: THE MANAGING DIRECTOR/CEO

DEAR SIR,

RE:TRANSFER OF THE SUM OF US$30.5M DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. FIRST,I MUST
SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION.THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF IT'S NATURE AS
BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND TOP SECRET.THOUGH I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF
THIS MAGNITUDE WILL MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED.BUT I AM ASSURING YOU
THAT ALL WILL BE WELL

AT THE END OF THE DAY.WE HAVE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU THROUGH THIS MEDIUM

DUE TO THE URGENCY OF THIS TRANSACTION AS WE HAVE BEEN RELIABLY INFORMED OF YOUR
DISCRETENESS AND ABILITY. LET ME START BY INTRODUCING MYSELF TO YOU. I AM
DR.YAHAYA MUHAMAD,AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC BRANCH OFFICE
LAGOS.I CAME TO KNOW ABOUT YOU IN MY PRIVATE SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND

REPUTABLE PERSON TO HANDLE THIS CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION AS WE ARE STILL IN
ACTIVE SERVICE. THE PROPOSITION. AN AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL,LATE ENGINEER BUTCH
R.MIGUEL,AN OIL MERCHANT/CONTRACTOR WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA,UNTIL
HIS DEATH THREE YEARS AGO IN A GHASTLY AIR CRASH IN AN EGYPT AIR, FLIGHT 990
WHICH OCCURED ON 2ND NOVEMBER 1999,BANKED WITH US HERE AT UNION BANK OF NIGERIA
MARINA BRANCH LAGOS,AND HAD A CLOSSING BALANCE OF US$30.5M(THIRTY MILLION FIVE
HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS)IN

A FIXED DEPOSIT ACCOUNT,WHICH THE BANK UNQUESTIONABLY EXPECTS IT TO BE CLAIMED
BY ANY AVAILABLE FOREIGN NEXT-OF-KIN TO THE LATE BENEFICIARY OR ALTERNATIVELY BE
DONATED TO A DISCREDITED TRUST FUND FOR THE PURCHASE OF ARMS AND AMMUNITIONS AT
THE MILITARY WAR COLLEGE IN KADUNA STATE HERE IN NORTHERN NIGERIA. SEQUEL TO
THIS,FERVENT VALUABLE EFFORTS WERE MADE BY UNION BANK OF NIGERIA TO GET IN TOUCH
WITH ANY OF THE MIGUEL'S FAMILY OR RELATIVES BUT PROVED TO NO AVAIL.IT IS
BECAUSE OF THE PERCEIVED POSIBILITY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO LOCATE ANY OF THE LATE
ENGR.BUTCH R. MIGUEL'S NEXT-OF-KIN(HE HAD NO KNOWN WIFE AND CHILDREN) THAT THE
MANAGEMENT UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF OUR HONOURABLE CHAIRMAN AND MEMBERS OF THE
BOARD OF DIRECTORS,MAJOR-GENERAL KALU UKE KALU(Rtd), THAT AN ARRANGEMENT BE MADE
FOR THE FUND TO

BE DECLARED"UN-CLAIMABLE" AND SUBSIQUENTLY BE DONATED TO THE TRUST FUND FOR THE
PURCHASE OF ARMS AND AMMUNITON TO FURTHER ENHANCE THE COURSE OF WAR IN AFRICA
AND THE WORLD IN GENERAL.IN ORDER TO AVERT THIS CRUDE AND NEGATIVE
DEVELOPMENT,SOME OF MY TRUSTED COLLEAGUES AND I NOW SEEK YOUR PERMISSION TO HAVE
YOU STAND AS THE NEXT-OF-KIN TO LATE ENGR. BUTCH R.MIGUEL, SO THAT THE FUND
US$30.5M WOULD BE RELEASED AND PAID INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS THE BENEFICIARY'S
NEXT-OF KIN.ALL DOCUMENTS AND PROVES TO ENABLE YOU RECIEVE THIS FUND WILL BE
CAREFULLY WORKED OUT AND MORESO AS PROFESSIONAL BANKERS, WE ARE ASSURING YOU OF
100% RISK-FREE INVOLVEMENT. YOUR SHARE STAYS WHILE THE REST

WILL BE FOR MYSELF AND MY COLLEAGUES FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSES IN YOUR COUNTRY.
NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION WILL STRICTLY BE BASED ON THE FOLLOWING TERMS AND
CONDITIONS AS I HAVE STATED BELOW, AS WE HAVE HEARD CONFIRMED CASES OF BUSINESS
ASSOCIATES RUNNING AWAY WITH FUNDS KEPT IN THEIR CUSTODY WHEN IT IS FINALLY
REMITTED INTO THIER BANK ACCOUNTS.A

VERY GOOD EXAMPLE IS THE ONE OF MR. PETER HOPWOOD,THE PRESIDENT OF MILEAGE
TRADING AND INVESTMENT COMPANY AT NUMBER 121, WEST 55TH STREET,21st FLOOR,NEW
YORK 10022, AND THE FORMER CHAIRMAN OF OMPADEC(MR PATRICK OPIA)WHOM WE WERE
RELIABLY INFORMED THAT AFTER THE AGREEMENT BETWEEN BOTH PARTNERS IN WHICH HE WAS
TO TAKE 15% OF THE MONEY WHILE THE REMAINING 85% FOR THE NIGERIAN OFFICIALS,WITH
ALL THE REMAINING DOCUMENTS SIGNED,THE MONEY WAS DULY TRANSFERED INTO MR
HOPWOOD'S ACCOUNT, ONLY TO BE DISAPPOINTED ON THEIR ARRIVAL IN NEW YORK AND WERE
INFORMED THAT MR PETER HOPWOOD WAS NO LONGER ON THAT ADDRESS,WHILE HIS TELEPHONE
AND FAX NUMBERS HAD BEEN RE-ALLOCATED TO SOME BODY ELSE. THIS WAS HOW THEY LOST
US$18.5M TO MR HOPWOOD.THIS IS A VERY RECENT STORY HERE IN MY COUNTRY AND
EVERYBODY IS AWARE OF THIS.SOME OF THE OFFICIALS DECIDED TO CRY OUT AND FACE THE
LAW,BECAUSE THEY FELT THEY HAD LOST SO MUCH TO A STRANGER,WHILE THE CHAIRMAN OF
OMPADEC(MR PATRICK OPIA)IS NOW HIDDING IN A FORIEGN COUNTRY.SO RIGHT NOW, I AM
TAKING ALL PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES TO GUARD AGAINST RE-OCCURENCE OF SUCH ACT IN
OUR CASE.THIS IS WHY WE HAVE DECIDED THAT THIS TRANSACTION

WILL BE BASED ON THE FOLLOWING:- (a) OUR CONVICTION OF YOUR TRANSPARENCY,
HONESTY ANDDILIGENCE. (b) THAT YOU WILL TREAT THIS TRANSACTION WITH UTMOST
SECRECY AND CONFIDENTIALITY(c) YOU MUST BE READY TO PRODUCE US WITH ENOUGH
INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF TO PUT OUR MINDS AT REST. (d) THAT UPON RECIEPT OF
THE FUND,YOU WILL PROMPTLY RELEASE OUR SHARE ON DEMAND AFTER YOU HAVE DEDUCTED
YOUR 20%.

YOUR URGENCY WILL BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED AS WE ARE ALREDY BEHIND SCHEDULE FOR
THIS FINANCIAL QUATER. IF THIS PROPOSAL IS ALRIGHT BY YOU,THEN KINDLY GET TO ME
IMMEDIATELY ON MY EMAIL ADDRESS.PLEASE NOTE THAT MY
EMAIL WOULD BE USED SO AS TO AVOID TAPPING THROUGH OUR TELEPHONE
CONVERSATIONS BY UNKOWN INDIVIDUAL TILL WHEN CONVIENENT TO USE THE
TEL-LINES. THANK YOU IN ANTICIPATON OF YOUR COOPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR.YAHAYA MUHAMAD. ( Chief Accountant) UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC. MARINA BRANCH
LAGOS.
020920
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