you_know distorted tendencies how much you mean to me what you are to me what you do to me 020102 ... werewolf i'd never do anything to jeopardize this thing which might not be perfect to you but seems so to me. well nothing except be myself whatever that means, but if that's a problem, it's been in jeopardy this whole time, just waiting to be discovered. what's that mean for the whole world? 021128 ... jane wait, step back a minute "be yourself"? how can you be anyone else? 021128 ... jane not that that was meant for me i was just intervening getting beneath your skin, you know? 021128 ... werewolf that's why i said whatever that means. however, i think that for various reasons people deny sizeable parts of themselves when interacting with others. and the qualities we ascribe to others as essential are those that carryover across various situations. impulsivity, avoidance, etc. etc. of course various circumstances change personality, and no one ever claimed personality was a static thing, hence the "whatever that means." but there are certain parts which are more stable than others. and it's sad when we discover what we thought was something which would last throughout life was just a momentary reaction too difficult to maintain in everyday life. the exuberance of courtship often becomes the beleagured fatigue of posession, because their mind doesn't fathom you as clearly as it seemed to for a while when it admitted it didn't. everyone's so immoderate. anyways i'm rambling. and another thing, how do you know who it was to? can you honestly eliminate the possibility? and i think it'd be more accurate if you said you were trying to get even further under my skin since you're already under it. 021128 ... jane okay, well, for you, i'll put the possibility back on the table and also, you said that people deny certain aspects of themselves in various circumstances...but isn't that still them? and, yes, this is getting technical, too technical for my taste, so you don't have to answer that. how far under your skin have i gotten? have i reached your heart yet 021129 ... p2 "have i reached your heart yet?" damn that's so awesome ummm i may have to plagiarize that one day 021130 ... werewolf yeah definetly, but i was referring to the most common carried over majority we use when commonly describing self. that is, the most practical use of the word. and my heart's a rover, but you're bound to meet it someday when you least expect it if you're travelling the roads and offroads of my skin. 021130 ... *nat* that i hold a certain "interest" for you, and i think you love it. You always make comments knowing they are suggestive, but yet you strive upon the fact that we cannot be together.. well thats what you said. The ball is in your court now my drummer perfecter. 021130 ... jane i'm actually travelling the roads under your skin your capillaries veins and arteries and i will reach the heart if i have to travel through your circulatory system to get to it 021130 ... werewolf a sublime poison. my very blood wishes it was home, but it remains foreign, an excitement, a change, the dizziness of heights clamored to, and unexpected views coming into sight as sharply as the crisp air. i will never be tolerant of such a fever, it will always rage through my body, leaving me tired and stronger. smiling at how little i knew of myself before the framed questions and patient answers of your lips were administered in uneven and forgotten nights. only the changes remain. the desire for the razing creation in your poison returns. 021201 ... jane wait... it is coming 021201 ... ~gez~ killer 021209 ... unhinged i am not hanging out at the_central because i'm chasing your ass. i'm not going to let my friend go down there by herself. if you happen to walk in the door and come home with me, that is another story. 021210 ... morphine. its all so tremendously stupid, its all just such a fucking waste of time. but if i dont look at my watch, what do i care? why do i even have a watch? hoopla. the phone sits still now. please dont make it shake again, i havent got the energy. it left me long ago i just never told you. 021212 ... morphine. you and i cant harmonize our laughter. but you know, who gives a fuck? youre someone ill never see again and christ, the stupidity of the way you pretend to understand and care when really, youre only in it for a brush with me 021212 ... girl_jane My choice of what my speech teacher would call "filler words." Everytime I ask, though, I really mean to ask just to see if people are still following me. 021212 ... jane girl_jane, my friend does that too. after every few sentences, she always says, do you know what i mean? 021213 ... angie and i've got no illusions about you and guess what? i never did and when i said when i said i'll take you i meant, i meant as is -ani difranco 021214 ... anne-girl when you laugh at something I say and pretend to be inferior, laugh as I mock-glare at your incessant pessimism (you hate flowers) I almost have hope again that you might... but you don't. You look at everyone the same way, like that. I'm addicted to you. "every song has a you, a you that the singer sings it to, and you're it this time ... and when i say you sucked my brain out the english translation is I am in love with you and it is no fun but I don't use words like love because words like that don't matter... " the story of my life 040902 ... Syrope he died from an ordinary sickness i wish you'd go to the doctor. but at least when you act all sad and then don't show up on the bus and then not return my txts or IMs, keep in mind what this does to me. when i come home to check on you and you ignore me completely, it makes me less likely to understand when you do come to me with whatever's wrong. i don't want to argue, i just want you to face both how things are and how you feel .../at the same time/ for once 040903 ... ~gez~ once i cared 050321 ... ~gez~ once i cared 050321 ... ~gez~ once i cared 050321 ... ungreat It's weird that i come here and say everything i can't say to your face or behind your back here. It's weird how you come home and act like everything's cool. It's weird how dave gives you the kool aid look and you'd practically suck his cock. It's weird how youre allowed to have adventures but every time i go out you come with me. I don't even mind mostly, but how come i'm never invited when you go out? How come i feel like youre lying when you make it all sound like a mistake. But then there's the flipside, maybe I'm crazy after all, you know? 090613 what's it to you? who go blather from