retards silentbob Retards - Dirtyboy I have nothing against the disabled, handicapped, handi-cabable, physically/mentally challenged, or whatever i am supposed to call them this week. In fact, for the latter part of his life, for which i hold most of the memories, my father was an incapacitated, drool bag, shit pants, card-carrying member of the corky club. But this thing, this little, ticky-tick problem keeps scratching at the back of my head. If all the retards in the world want is to be treated equally, shouldn’t we start mugging them, beating them for no reason, and paying NO ATTENTION to their individual needs? That’s how i get treated, by all the other breathing bodies in the world. The last time i stumbled across someone who was decent and kind to me it was a 17 year old girl who thought i was cute and had some delusional dream that i would stick my drunken, half erect lob-cock in her prematurely loosened vaginal wall. And when i declined, stating that the law was not on her side and that i didn’t want to go to jail for banging some MTV junkie who looked like the spawn of Charles Manson and Roseanne Arnold, no, Barr, no, Arnold, no its just Rosanne isn’t it? any way, i told her that i wasn’t down for giving her a rammer, then paying for it in the slammer, and she stopped being sweet real abruptly. See, we are only nice when we want something. She wanted to fuck someone who could buy her booze and smokes, and i am only nice when i need something. It's part of the nature of us, the disgusting, viral-esque human creature. So what the fuck do we want from the retards? I think what the collective upright walking, self-sufficient society wants from the retard nation is an excuse. A reason to be idiots. A project. Something to show how NICE and Proper and generous they are. HEY LOOK! I HELPED OUT A GIMP!!! WHERE'S MY FUCKING AWARD? See, its all just a ploy to show their neatness and Politically correctness off, being part of what they would like to consider the upper echelon. But i don't buy it. If i was a retard (some would argue that i am) And i sat there, in my motorized chair that looks like i have r2-d2 shoved up my ass, and i couldn’t talk, and i had to control my little seat scooter with a tube that reached up to my drooly, rotten toothed mouth, i would be pissed as hell at those prissy, condescending bitches in there Nancy Regan double breasted skirt suits and chartreuse scarves with golden goose brooches, bending down, looking down at me, talking baby talk to me: "HOW ARE WE TODAY? ARE WE HAVING A GOOD ONE? IS OUR COLOSTOMY BAG FULL OF POOPY?" when i know, and they know what they really want to say is "HEY! RETARD, USELESS PIECE OF SHIT! YOU WASTE OF HOUSING AND TAX DOLLARS, YOU RAMP NEEDING, LIFT USING ASSHOLE...YOU'RE THE REASON I HAVE TO PARK FURTHER FROM THE FRONT DOOR OF STARBUCKS WHEN I GO TO GET MY LATTE FRAPACHINO! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED ALL THOSE SPOTS ANYWAY? YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE, YOU HAPLESS GIMP!" Just because they are RETARDS doesn't mean they can't smell the stink of insincerity. I would be furious at those assholes. No, see, i am honest about it. Honesty, you may know, causes problems. It is not always the best policy, but it can sure as hell feel good. Especially when you're yelling it at a poetry reading. And everybody is either laughing or plotting your death. At least i can run, cause i bet i can run faster than those wheelchairs. 000618 ... silentbob What's better than winning the special olympics??? Not being retarded. I know, i'm mean, and i should treat the mentally-disabled with the respect they deserve, but it just happens to be a funny funny joke. and dirtyboy makes a point 000618 ... tezcatlipoca kid down my street. maybe nine, ten years old he rides the short bus when it comes to take him. no problem there. problem is his goddamn parents don't keep a better eye on him leave him to his own devices and he stands in the middle of the street walking TOWARDS the oncoming cars sometimes throwing things as they come, mudballs sticks rocks, you name it. coming home from work a while back i had to stop my car and drag him back into his yard, but by then he had already lobbed a good size rock into my windshield, spiderwebbing it a neighbor comes out and gets after ME, saying "he's half retarded". Yeah, i say, the half with the head, but you and his parents are TOTALLY retarded if they dont think i'm doing him afavor by getting him out of traffic Fuck. 000618 ... too embarrased Did you hear about the proposed new logo for the special olympics? It has four and half interloping circles instead of five. 010613 ... Lilac just a Freak and a Geek 030226 ... phil people in wheelchairs can drive 030226 ... pot head number 26 it's been said that phil_is_a_retard, but sources are suspect. 030226 ... Gin hey christopher or whatever your name is, you're an ass. That's all I need to say. 030227 ... je5icafletcher leave me feeling guilty because i can walk and i am mean and i am smart and i can chew my food. i have all those lucky kick ass traits, and i'm a totall asshole. guilt doesn't make me better though. i still laugh at bobby's jokes. 030228 ... BigNuttz I went to school with some retards as most of you probably did. They had special classes for them. How messed up is that? What could you possibly teach a retard? They were using perfectly good tax dollars to teach kids that can not be taught instead of buy computers or something. Sounds like free handi-sitting to me. 030914 ... tom you are right. brilliantly drawn out. 040317 ... stork daddy are always smiling. as a matter of fact it's okay to make fun of them, because in 30 seconds they'll be smiling again. you can cut that down to 15 if you point out a butterfly or a cloud that looks like spongebob squarepants. 040317 ... stork daddy we're the ones who should be pitied 040317 ... sk8rh8r the retard on little_britain is funny 040317 ... stork daddy people often ask me...why do you make fun of retards so much. i suppose i could say something pithy like...it's god's joke, i just laugh...but the truth is far more sinister. when i was three my entire family was killed by retards. i have been on this vendetta ever since. 050108 what's it to you? who go blather from