choices
madmax too many--it boggles my mind. 010609
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amicus Three cities. Infinite Dreams. Where to go? What is best? One with community spirit. One with history. One with tradition. The time for choices draws ever closer... 011117
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sphinxradio is it out of courtesy or apathy that you ask me to make the decisions? 011118
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god some choices are hard to make 030129
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god hard like diamond 030129
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ShilohDreams Choices decide how you life is...My friend lives the opposite of whatever my choice in life was or has been..Not exactly but if I look at her life i see what or rather who I could be...My choices have led me down a path that I love...If she and I were swiched, I would have nothing...Because her choices have hurt my life...and mine have made her's better. 030607
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FireNRoses There's always a choice... always. Sometimes you don't like the choice you have to make. Sometimes the choice is obvious... Sometimes you don't even know you're making a choice. Every choice changes you... ever the clothes you wear... it makes it impossible to go back... A choice is a step... neither forward or backward, but a step. 030608
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scintillare imagine none of them. as i sit here, i have chosen to write this. i have chosen to go to school. i have chosen to wear clothes today - and which to wear.
choose to imagine a world with no choices.
now go out and make them.
031205
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heyheyhey hey hey 031229
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stork daddy he didn't really like to ever completely choose something. it just seemed if you completely committed to anything, you became something. you became something that you couldn't retract, that you could be judged for for all time. he preferred not being anything, always existing in potentia, because then you could perhaps be something if it was positive, and not for certain be something if it was negative. but he knew he was kidding himself if he thought that he wasn't making a choice by not making a choice. and so eventually he accepted at some level, that he might as well be a real person. might as well exist. he got into arguments, stood up for his beliefs, and generally found himself feeling like he imagines other people must, never really seeing another person's side of the issue, forgetting himself for a while, by being so involved that he could not see past himself. 040312
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stork daddy is it more frightening to have no freedom or to have freedom? it seems we always try to have others choose for us. but what are we running from if there truly is no choice? heads i stay, tails i go. - negative i become a school teacher, write children's books, and love a silly love (for it is the deepest) - positive i go across the country, get a tattoo, write the american novel, teach her how to love. 050301
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Ouroboros cause and effect 081114
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LoverOfLight You said choose
And I had
You thought I was putting aside so much
For you
But in my mind, there was no choice
Once you
Maybe that's what angered you...
That I didn't give up enough of something?
What a shame
You are mine
081114
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LoverOfLight You are my Shame 081114
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Risen Two "what if" choices weigh on me these days. The only dregs of my past that I haven't quite managed to shake, for obvious reasons.

The first one is when I made the choice to ignore kind and sane advice, because my stubborness and sense of duty blinded me to reality. It had some disastrous consequences, but on the other hand it led me to make lasting changes which made me a better person. It was a wake up call. After the shame and the regret and the pain became less raw, I was almost grateful. Especially now, in hindsight, because it probably gave me healthiest years of my life. Probably the only ones I'll ever have.

Oh but the second choice wasn't selfish or stupid. It felt like a gigantic cosmic test. If Mephisto had appeared and said "You think you've changed? Prove it!" the challenge couldn't have been more obvious. Wistful thinking about a unicorn, some poetry, some hormones throwing off my mental health and a parental death. Then somehow amid the carnage, a choice appeared. I could either have something which would make me happy, or I could repair some of the harm I had done. The selfish thing or the right thing. No compromises, no leading people on, no double-dealing, no weasely explanations. One would be fine without me, the other would not.

I did the right thing. I helped. In many ways it helped me, and I got to see up close and personal what it looked like when people settle.

It was the right thing to do, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. There's like an echo of Claudius here - if a part of my heart regrets the good deed can I be a good person? "May one be pardon'd and retain the offence?"

On a more practical note, regardless of whether as a friend or as more, I would have hated to let the unicorn see my fall. When you're at the bottom of a ravine, you take comfort in the small things - like not having dragged anyone else down with you. In the last semi-productive years of my life, I did penance.

Now, in my retirement, I get to daydream.
180814
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