alma Joana. Of course, he's always been here inside me... I just never looked closer. He is everything that I'd want to be... he does things I'd never have the courage to do. But lately, he feels sad and lonely... and he keeps staring at the sky... staring at the void... nothingness strikes him badly. He is always drawn by the wind and the way it makes the trees talk with him... he likes it when the clouds are low and he can feel the enormity of this world and its simultaneous smallness, when compared the infinity of this universe. He hardly has expressions... he doesn't talk... there's never a frown nor a smile... his eyes usually say what he's feeling. His hands are also a good way for him to express himself. He likes it when the seemingly irrelevant sounds of the day suddenly make him stop and ponder... longing for something... He also likes to think of you and to try finding a way to make you feel better... but he always fails at that, because he's a part of me, after all... I'm his only flaw. 000307 ... Joana. So he hadn't been feeling particularly well lately And occasionally I'd seen him quite sick But I didn't bother myself with such minor problems Insisting on the tasks, schedules, Work, work, work He was dying slowly yesterday morning And I could see that in every wall I'd pass by In every pavement His dying image And his arm begging for aid Yet I didn't do anything I merely sat there in the grey bus And stared blankly at him While he weeped and made failed gestures of despair Crying With the rain pouring down his frail body Nerves shaking him to the core Cutting down his trees Slipping veins As the life of him was drained.... He died last night And I could hear his cries all night long But what could I do? What could I DO? As I walked under that purple twilight sky I saw it so clearly My life is this I am this and I cannot change it now I've made my choice And Alma suffered the consequences Please, dear... Don't think I've done this out of cruelty I just couldn't cope The life that now exists With the world I once lived in They're not compatible So I turned away when you were bleeding to death Maybe you've found the void And perhaps that is where true happiness lies But for now I'll remain soulless So I can survive in this existence Where stupidity predominates. *Sleep well, Alma* 001020 ... Joana. I'm sad today because you are not here Because everything is weighing me down No one appreciates my bluntness No one wants to be put in question Who wants to question themselves? They all want to live happily Conforming to everything that is imposed on them The brainwashing did wonders to them Sheeeeeeeep, they all are How I loathe them How they can't understand me 'You're so strange', one said While I smiled as discoursing on why I don't follow them The smile concealed my will to beat him up And torture him, defying life Until he'd admit that he wouldn't think the same That he wouldn't be the same if people were all like me They all follow each other Sheeeeeeeeeep, they all are And the bitches parade around in their black suits Laughing like mad hyenas O, how I loathe them Yet I must endure it all Controlling my grinding of teeth And pretend to be 'just one of the others' Making bad excuses to flee from confrontations And the baby sheep there lie Trembling with cold (or fear?) Indulging in the mindless pranks... Actions Where are the actions? Are there brains in a university? Or have they been disposed on their way there? I fear that life won't be pleasant from now on But at least I know I have been what I am And not how some hollow, ugly hyena has told me to be. 001020 ... Joana. Searching for him Under the pouring red water Falling from the injured sky Bleeding to its cold and miserable death Not being able to find the soul And getting lost under the tall nude trees Weeping to someone who can hear And waiting for the warm hands to come Ceased to feel anything Forbidden to shed the salty drops When hearing the stillness of this cold forest Something abates inside And breaks into fragments of oneself Time passes quickly when leaving the perspective But grovels sluggishly as swimming in its gelid waters Rowing quietly now down this phantom This river that leads to the void Pale as the morbid sky above Hearing rumouring echoes of a lost life Suddenly looking back He seems to run by through the bushes As if scared by having been discovered His ghostly figure and the sadness of his eyes Thinking that it was him The heart sweals with hope And appears to have the soul holding its hand again Yet nothing more it was Than a mere illusion Like all of this time has been And the boat continues rowing Sluggishly and grovelling above the waters And Alma's body lies there on the floor Unaided and stiff Until this pale river finds its sea again. 001029 what's it to you? who go blather from