camille 000322
camille The distance within

My heart feels the rumble of your earthquake
My shoulder your tears
the floor of my palm feels
The ceiling of your hand

Seasons come and seasons go
Like the swaying of trees
Moving yet remaining

What grey moon came suddenly
Drew blood with itís sword
Roses become suspended in air
In search of firm soil.. your forehead

Iíve taken my fingers and dug in your soil
trying to imitate roots
nothing happens..
searching for the chords
which at one time, soothed your soul

Oh naked stars
like sugar granules in cup
shivering hills grasp at trees
to cover themselves

At the first chapter in the novel of breath..

Blow in my face
tell me I never was...
I never stirred you like
the cool breeze, through trees
that I never made you weak in the knees

That I never was much count
all I ever was, was words and a penís surmount
that my deepest thought never got
any deeper than a wastebasket

Tell me please that you were fooled by a dream
that all I am is a passing breeze
like falling star
coming to the conclusion
it can no longer stay suspended there
and falls to god knows where

Maybe where I reside
there it sits beside
in the shadows looking to shine bright
days, months, years leap
in hopes that the next second ends

Gosh that I never was
nor ever began
I feel like a mannequin
tell me what you want me to wear
where do you want me to stand

Your thoughts so simple
no heart to recollect
I can never replace what you lost
once upon a time
I couldnít be so plastic
so, self assured...

Thoughts begin to I look out the window again

As I sat in this passenger seat
looking out my window, as cars and trucks zipped by

Listening to the tunes of Jewel...
I hum along... "hopes in the sky", "trying to find yourself"...
Such lyrics fit so well..
Hummmm... "standing in Deep Water, and bailing yourself out with a straw"
...hhmmmmmm...and making love to a wall...mmmhmmmm

I continue to drift in thought as I watch the clouds drift through my reflection in the glass
staring back at me and wondering where Iíd been...

The traffic begins to slow, we begin to creep along as there must be an
accident up ahead.. my heart sinks for a few moments... I see flashing red
And yellow lights... I watch as the person in the next car stretches neck, eyes open wide
At twisted metal ... whatís left of the car beside...
I watch as we are at a crawl now..they have a woman on a stretcher, neck brace ,
Blood on her cheek... not moving
Cars moving slowly...

Music still playing... "Thereís a warmth in my heart that haunts me when youíre gone..." Mmm
Ironically following the scene with words...
I watch as they pull the woman from the wreckage as if in slow motion
She has long dark brown hair with blonde highlights...
Breeze blows strand across her cheek...
Could she have been a teacher, a lover of children..her soft countenance spoke novels
Peace within, cares of this world now over...

I realize spirits float in breeze
Can be anywhere in a split second....
Can be past
Can be present
Can be future
Can be me , can be you...

I watch silently as I realize that
That is me on the stretcher... That I am watching from another vehicle
I look at the people who surround me in this vehicle with question
Yet they donít see me, they donít hear me....they donít realize that I am
Simply a passing breeze, a passing vessel...

Music continues to play as I hum my body to sleep...

Lay in your bed at night and with hands placed on chest
feel the beating of your heart
And think of all the things that
You were ever moved by
A person, a movie, a flower, a childís smile, laughter, tears, the ocean
The desert, mountains, a babyís cry, a blind manís cane, an elderly woman
Mowing lawn, your first kiss, your last,
The feel of fire, the feel of a mist, a cloud
A friend, the homeless, despair, loneliness, heartache,
A touch, a presence, today, tomorrow,
A future, a belief, awareness of self, belonging, separating, you, me, they
Fireflies, stars shooting across the sky, ....thump...thump...thump...
I drift off to sleep...

Listen she says

But thereís nothing...
I hear the smile
the voice says... "It hasnít started yet"...
Breathe in breathe out
I just want you to be ready...
When you open your eyes
Hundreds of years will have passed
And many more to begin you hear it?....
she nudges me...eyes round
wide eyed wonder...
I hear her smile
My eyes open
Clenched teeth
.....I hear it!....
I say nothing
Breathe in breathe out....
....Iím there....
....eternal sleep...

July 10, 1999
startfires i emoc morf eht retaw 001103
startfires ^ translation "i come from the water" 010301
Shugarhi Jewel is a wonderful poet and songwriter and her music makes me smile and laugh at once... 010521
god a natural extension of juice_newton. 011030
n o m e e deaf deep_water mirror 110122
unhinged mantra_of_the_year

at the heart of it we
what's it to you?
who go