not_quite_truisms
raze don't sweat on the small stuff, which is to say: don't carry small things under your arms while shirtless and perspiring. 130621
...
raze it is better to have loved and lost than to have lost and loved it. 130622
...
raze you can tune a piano, but you should never eat tuna casserole *while* tuning a piano. it's simply not good business acumen. 130623
...
raze too much kitchen space spoils the cook, and no one enjoys the taste of arrogance. 130624
...
past the early bird gets the worm, so unless it's raining stay underground a while longer. 130625
...
e_o_i It is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and lost it. 130625
...
e_o_i "Ineluctable modality of the visible" means never having to say you're sorry. 130625
...
e_o_i And "to see is to believe" completely ignores the other four senses. (That was more of an editorial.) 130625
...
raze life is like a box of chocolates. if you forget it in the car on a hot day, everything melts. 130626
...
raze the early bird catches the worm. the late bird frees the worm and leads a violent revolt against worm-related cruelty. worms have rights too, you know. 130628
...
raze jesus is in the generalities. 130711
...
raze if at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 130808
...
raze all's unfair in love and s'mores. 130815
...
raze actions speak louder than words, unless they have laryngitis. 130904
...
raze if a tree falls in the forest, does it become a piece of furniture, or a habitat for forest-dwelling creatures? 130913
...
raze if the shoe fits, ask how much it costs. if it's too expensive, steal it. 130921
...
e_o_i A (Canadian) penny saved is useless now, but maybe it'll be worth something in 2075. 130922
...
raze a bird in the hand is worth a round of applause, because getting a bird to relax in your hand is a pretty impressive feat. 131001
...
raze all work and no play makes jack a workaholic. 131003
...
e_o_i Pizza is like sex; they're both blue, except for the elephant. 131004
...
raze talk_is_cheap. actions are expensive. thoughts are half-price, while supplies last. 131011
...
raze a rose by any other name would be a different flower. 131012
...
e_o_i Oh, what a tangled web we weave when multiple devices are plugged in to the same power bar. 131025
...
raze you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, but why waste the honey when you can buy a flyswatter? 131111
...
raze when life gives you lemons, juggle. everyone likes a juggler. 131202
...
raze a house divided against itself is an equation. 140204
...
e_o_i and Goya and Chomsky The sleep of reason produces colorless green ideas. 140204
...
e_o_i and James Joyce and the TV Ineluctable modality of the visible: viewer discretion is advised! 140204
...
raze a stitch in time probably means at some point in time, time injured itself. maybe it sliced its head open on the sharp end of a kitchen cupboard while looking for peas. even time isn't immune to the occasional household accident. 140317
...
raze a thing of beauty is a joy for as long as its a thing of beauty. after that, it's just a thing. 140318
...
missing apostrophe i'm not quite a truism either, but aren't you glad you found me two seconds too late? 140318
...
raze you bet i am. you're always there when i don't need you anymore, right after i could have used you. you're the best, missing apostrophe! 140318
...
raze when you yawn, the whole world yawns with you.

(this one really should be a truism. careful study has revealed to me that yawning is contagious.) 		140319
...
raze you CAN win them all. you just need to bribe the right people. 140320
...
raze nothing worth having comes without some kind of rice. 140322
...
raze an apple a day makes your breath smell like apple juice. 140329
...
raze desperate times call for a "desperate housewives" marathon. 140330
...
raze don't bite the hand that feeds you. DO buy it dinner sometime, to repay the favour. 140331
...
raze you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him a unicorn. 140401
...
raze the road to hell is paved with the cheapest material available. you think they care about the quality of their roads in hell? 140402
...
raze the squeaky wheel gets annoying after a while. it's better to travel via magic carpet. no wheels, no squeak. 140406
...
raze all's unfair in love and hummus. 140407
...
raze oops. i recycled one there. well, here's another:

if it sounds too good to be true, kick it a few times. then it'll sound more honest, and you'll feel better. 		140407
...
raze absence makes the heart grow fondue. 140408
...
raze hell hath no fury like an angry squirrel. 140409
...
raze a coward dies a thousand deaths. a brave man tries to save the coward's life only to die a thousand times with him. an indifferent man reads about the two men in the paper and thinks, "the brave man should have stayed at home and watched 'dancing with the stars'." 140411
...
raze you can take the boy out of the country, but you can't build a functioning time machine. unless you already have, in which case — oh look, a pony!

::: steals time machine ::: 		140412
...
raze an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bread. you can make a lot of sandwiches with a pound of bread. 140418
...
e_o_i Show, don't teleport. 140418
...
raze a closed mouth gathers no foreign teeth. 140419
...
e_o_i Genius is 10% inspiration, 20% perspiration, 30% work that doesn't involve a lot of sweating, 25% financial backing, and 15% questionable statistics. 140419
...
e_o_i Write what you glow! All that glitters. It's all about the phosphorescence. 140420
...
raze a watched pot will suggest you take a picture if you stare at it long enough. 140421
...
raze change is the only constant in a change purse. 140426
...
raze he who hesitates is indecisive. 140427
...
raze opportunity knocks but never rings the doorbell. 140428
...
raze build a better mousetrap and other makers of mousetraps will steal your schematic. it's a mousetrap-maker-eat-mousetrap-maker world out there. 140429
...
raze the postman doesn't always ring twice. often he doesn't ring at all. and he prefers the term "letter carrier". 140430
...
raze if you lie down with dogs, you wake up smelling like dog. 140501
...
e_o_i And it's best to let sleeping dogs wiggle. They need their wiggle room. 140501
...
raze opposites interact. 140502
...
raze candy is dandy, but liquor will get you drunk. 140503
...
raze revenge is a dish best served with a side salad, paired with a nice glass of red_wine. 140504
...
raze all things come to (s)he who is universally magnetized. 140505
...
epitome of incomprehensibility An orange a day will give you more vitamin C than the equivalent serving of apple, but won't fit in a 100-mile-diet for most Canadians, unless you have a greenhouse handy. 140505
...
e_o_i You CAN compare apples and oranges, especially their vitamin C content. 140505
...
raze when the going gets tough, the tough hire au pairs. 140506
...
raze be careful who you step on while climbing the ladder of success; they might be tripping hazards. 140507
...
e_o_i You can't simply walk into Mordor. You have to listen to Borodin first. 140507
...
raze it's not whether you win or lose, but how your chili tastes. 140510
...
raze the pen is mightier than the pencil, but the pencil is more versatile than the pen. 140511
...
raze hindsight has astigmatism. 140512
...
raze what doesn't kill you only gives you calluses. 140513
...
raze when you're smiling, the whole world judges the whiteness of your teeth. smile with your mouth closed and the world won't know what to do with itself. 140514
...
raze give 'em an inch, and if they're canadian they'll ask if you wouldn't mind putting your inch away and pulling out a centimetre instead. 140515
...
raze all roads lead to restaurants. 140516
...
e_o_i People who live in Philip Glass’ house shouldn’t get stoned. He's surprisingly strict about things like that. 140516
...
raze (s)he who calls the tune must be the bandleader. 140517
...
raze be careful what you wish for; someone else might have wished for it already, and if you find out you've been granted the same wish as another person, the competition over whose wish turned out better could get ugly. 140518
...
raze truth hides in linen closets. 140519
...
raze beauty is in the eye of the beekeeper. 140522
...
raze clothes don't make the man, but they can add to his appeal. 140523
...
raze you're nobody 'til somebody spills a carbonated beverage on your shoulder. 140524
...
raze the grass is always greener in greenland. 140527
...
e_o_i You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, but you can make an omelet without dropping pianos on people. 140528
...
raze misery loves morrissey. 140529
...
raze every cloud has an aerosol lining. 140530
...
raze money doesn't grow on trees; it grows on vines. 140531
...
raze you don't know what you've got until it's been analyzed. 140601
...
raze all that glitters is not covered in glitter paint. 140602
...
raze brevity is the soul of twitter. 140604
...
raze confession is good for the church. 140606
...
raze an elephant is never as sure as death and taxes. 140607
...
raze a word to the wise is not enough words. no matter how wise you are, you need at least a few words to get your thoughts across. 140608
...
raze birds of a feather get stuck together. there's not a whole lot of room to share when a single feather connects you to several others. 140609
...
raze home is where the bedroom is. 140610
...
raze no man is an island — except for the obscure superhero "island dude". he's very much an island. it even says so on his costume. 140611
...
e_o_i from experience The road to good intentions is paved with hell. 140611
...
raze if looks could kill, we'd all be murderers. 140612
...
raze don't put all your eggs in one omelet(te). 140613
...
raze good fences make good firewood in the event of a zombie apocalypse. 140614
...
raze all the world's a stage, but the actors have forgotten their lines, so everyone's just winging it. 140615
...
raze keep your friends close and your enemies frozen. 140617
...
raze love is blind, but its other senses have grown more acute to compensate for the lack of sight. 140618
...
raze if it takes a whole village to raise a child, a weight loss plan may be in order. 140622
...
raze time flies like the wind. horse flies like oats. 140623
...
raze an injury is sooner forgotten than a mediocre episode of your favourite television show. 140624
...
e_o_i It's a mosquito-eat-human world. 140624
...
raze haste makes lumpy toothpaste. 140625
...
raze liquor before beer, never fear. wine before breakfast ... not a good idea. 140626
...
raze cleanliness is next to godliness, but only in a backwards compressed sideways dictionary where c follows g. 140627
...
raze don't cry over spilled milk; take off your socks and dance in it. 140628
...
raze a lie, told often enough, becomes a tortilla chip. 140702
...
raze (i've thought of a few good ones in dreams the last handful of nights, but they haven't been sticking around once i wake up.) 140703
...
flowerock When life gives you wet socks, mop the floor with them.
(for when you step in water on the floor with clean dry socks) 		140703
...
raze into each life a little confetti must fall. 140704
...
raze just because you can doesn't mean you will. 140705
...
raze starve a cold, feed a lemur. 140707
...
flowerock security_guards_are_useless absolutely_useless, oh wait! that is quite true.

clown a day keeps the smokers away. 		140707
...
raze the taller they are, the more often they smack their heads on deceptively low ceilings.

(i can vouch for this one) 		140708
...
raze all's well that ends with a musical flourish. 140709
...
raze you can't judge a book by its typesetting. 140712
...
raze better safe than soluble. 140714
...
raze a hamfisted writer will always have an advantage over others when stranded on a deserted island, being afforded the option of cooking and eating their hand if all else fails … unless they happen to be a vegetarian, in which case fate has a mean-spirited sense of humour. 140716
...
raze don't toot your own horn; hire a session musician to do the tooting for you. 140717
...
e_o_i Blessed are the pure in heart, for they are 100% cotton. 140721
...
raze a friend to all is a very gregarious person. 140723
...
raze loose lips need to be tightened from time to time, so they won't fall off. a drum tuning key will do the job if nothing else is at hand. 140724
...
raze dead men tell plenty of tales. you just don't frequent the same bars they do, so you don't get to hear the stories of the dead. 140725
...
raze if wishes were fishes, they'd have names like "wishfish" and "wet hope". 140726
...
raze do unto others as you would have them do unto kittens. 140727
...
raze good things come in small packages. bad things come in crates. 140728
...
flux even 16 cents can buy you a teaspoon of hooker 140728
...
flux speak softly and carry a full set of drill bits 140728
...
flux An ounce of emotion equals an ontogeny of facts. 140728
...
flux (at some point i made a toy which created these sorts of things, where did that go...) 140728
...
flux No good mediocrity goes frozen. 140728
...
flux Better a cruel truth than a stable passion.

To experience the sides, you must get out of the hole.

There is too much beauty upon this earth for rubbish men to bear.

Never laugh at your own blasphemies.

Chastity makes the thief.

Most clocks conceal their displeasure. 		140728
...
e_o_i (Hm. I laugh at my blasphemies sometimes, but speaking of clocks...)

Even a broken clock is right twice a Salvador Dali painting. 		140728
...
raze (i like the collection of inanities, profundities, and surreal variations and mutations this has become) 140728
...
raze the nose is the chimney to the soul. 140729
...
flux You never get a hug when you arrive with your hands tied 140729
...
e_o_i From dumb_puns: Don't put all your begs in one ask-it! 140729
...
raze the way to a man's heart is through his alien subterfuge. 140730
...
raze laugh, and the world laughs with you. cry, and you get a runny nose. 140731
...
raze a faint voice never won a karaoke contest. 140802
...
raze what's good for the goose is grey goose vodka. 140804
...
raze a stranger's just a friend with amnesia. 140814
...
raze rules were made to be written in the smallest possible font. 140817
...
raze the best things in life have marshmallow ice cream sauce on top. 140818
...
raze ashes to ashes, sand in shorts. 140820
...
raze don't look a gift horse in the wrapping paper. 140825
...
raze don't believe everything you read in brochures. 140826
...
raze let a smile be your umbrella, and you're bound to get soaked. 140904
...
raze if you can't beat 'em, write a book in which they're the subject of thinly-veiled character assassination. 140914
...
raze friends don't let friends taunt hornets. 140915
...
e_o_i One good turn deserves a plié. 140915
...
raze not everything that floats has a styrofoam heart. 140916
...
raze (s)he who lives by the sword is never without a letter opener. 140917
...
e_o_i When I was dozing on the bus today I woke up with the phrase "Be a dog, try again," stuck in my head. My waking mind realized that wasn't a real expression, and, after a minute of mind-wracking, that I was thinking of the word "dogged" (as in persistent.) 140917
...
raze he who laughs last is often left feeling a little awkward, like everyone else got the joke before he did. better to laugh in unison with others. 140918
...
raze it's always darkest just before you find the light switch. 140919
...
raze if there's a fire truck parked across the street but nothing's burning, does anyone hear its siren call? 140922
...
raze divide your blessings by your curses, and take care to always determine the common denominator. 140924
...
raze better the devil you know than the devil you don't know; the devil you know is more likely to lend you a movie you'd like to see on dvd. 140926
...
raze hope springs like a jack-in-the-box. 140927
...
raze if you can't be with the one you love, stalk them. 140928
...
e_o_i Same shit, different time frame.

Same shift, different paradigm.

It's five cents of one and half a dime of another, only dimes aren't divisible. 		140928
...
raze don't make promises that can't be rescinded. 141002
...
raze if you can pinch an inch, you don't need measuring tape. 141003
...
raze if experience is the best teacher, guesswork is the best substitute teacher. 141011
...
raze as above, so on top of. 141013
...
raze any port in a storm is no less robust in alcohol content for being consumed in the presence of loud weather. 141017
...
raze it's not what you know. it's how good you are at guessing. 141020
...
raze evil takes many forms, fills them out improperly, and manipulates events to make it appear that you're responsible for a host of clerical errors. 141022
...
raze don't make a hornet's nest out of an anthill. 141026
...
raze history retreats into itself. 141108
...
raze mask no digressions, i'll sell you no flies. 141110
...
jane take time to stop and smell the gutters. 141110
...
raze let the chips fall where they may, unless they're salt and vinegar. 141111
...
raze don't start to say something you don't really know how to finish saying in finnish. 141115
...
paste! for every flat tire, there's a man without a leg. keep driving. 141115
...
paste! duel me once, shame on you.
duel me twice, we have bad aims. 		141115
...
raze (paste! on red?! i think that's a first. how did i miss this when i was right here?)

every time someone sneezes, an angel gets a nose piercing. 		141119
...
paste! (it WAS a first. i've been holding back for years, but this blathe is too good to pass up)

a 50 dollar bill in a burning boot is a decent substitute for a good podiatrist. 		141119
...
raze (well, as your old pal baby satan in different red clothes, allow me to quote vanderfookin here and say, "the viscosity of your entry is much approved by the festoons within our ventricles") 141120
...
raze as a capitalist leonard cohen might have said:

love is not a victory march. it's a cold and it's a frozen wad of moolah. 		141121
...
e_o_i If you don't like attention, don't marry one. 141122
...
e_o_i Divide and conquer, multiply and fill the earth... but be wary of the aftermath. 141122
...
paste! according to The Book of Ageless Thrills (1908 ed.), fingerpainting a hippo is not the wisest action, but can be the most revelatory. 141123
...
raze let your conscience be your dominatrix. 141202
...
raze everyone loves a clown, except for coulrophobic people. 141204
...
raze a different spin on one that's already been spun:

feed an enemy, starve a lover. 		141205
...
e_o_i (I did two by accident just now in "mouthwash"):

Viewer discretion is revised.

Never repeat yourself the same way twice. 		141207
...
paste! absence, of the gene for other hair colors, makes the hair grow blonder. 141207
...
paste! never leave a window open for stray cucumbers. 141207
...
paste! a rolling stone gathers praise for it's more spherical than other rocks. 141207
...
raze the best laid schemes of mice and men often squeak and sigh. 141208
...
paste! Do untie others as you would have them untie you, especially if the water is rising. 141208
...
raze an ostrich is as good as a mule to a blind otter. 141218
...
raze ask not what a luncheon can do for you. ask what you can do to hilariously ruin a luncheon. 141221
...
raze don't cut off your nose to spite your face. instead, outlaw mirrors so your face can't see itself anymore. that'll teach it a lesson. 141223
...
jane in the event you find yourself missing a shoelace, seven thousand strands of hair will do just fine. 141224
...
raze don't knock on it until you've ascertained that it is, in fact, a door. 141230
...
raze cheaters never perspire. 150102
...
raze hair today, toupée tomorrow. 150103
...
e_o_i The best defense is "the fence," properly articulated. 150103
...
raze don't kill the goose that lays the golden egg. instead, befriend it and coax it into laying more golden eggs. 150107
...
raze there's a lollipop eaten every minute. 150108
...
e_o_i The truth will let you flee. Sometimes. 150108
...
raze reality bites, until it loses its teeth. then it gums. 150116
...
Ghandi and e_o_i An I with an I makes the whole world Hawaii. 150116
...
tired e_o_i (Gandhi can't spell his own name. Death does that to you.) 150116
...
raze one hand washes the otter. 150120
...
raze an army that marches on its stomach winds up eating a lot of dust. 150121
...
raze cats always plan the best heists. 150122
...
raze if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it must be a really good animal impressionist. 150123
...
raze thyme heals all brooms. 150127
...
raze ask and ye shall be deceived. 150128
...
raze it bakes one to throw one. 150129
...
raze you never forget your first love … unless you're the victim of an unfortunate bread-making accident and you wake up covered in flour and suffering from amnesia. 150202
...
leif 107 weeks ago we stood outside the theatre in the snow blankets of another twilight storm. I wore a healthy layer of ignorant enthusiasm because I had not yet grasped the power I was granting you. You were consistently coy in your approach, and I was regrettably full of laughter. Later you posted a photograph of the icicles that remained after we'd had our fun and clever sword fights with them--after you'd left your mint and cigarette taste on my ever insatiable lips; after you'd left me aching for more of your barely-half smile; after you'd left me wanting. You posted the photograph with the tag "these are fun". And I think that really says it all...I was just an object to you. 150202
...
leif ahem^ you_became_like_ice 150202
...
leif ahem^ you_became_like_ice 150202
...
paste! the road to hell is paved with a bad internet connection 150209
...
leif I wish I may I wish I mite be free from bugs while I dream tonight. 150210
...
raze diamonds are a pearl's best bet when faced with a risky mollusk-related hostage situation. 150211
...
raze if you can't take the heat, stay out of the oven. 150214
...
e_o_i Life's like a box of chocolates: not great for your teeth. 150214
...
raze jesus shaves. 150216
...
e_o_i With great power comes electrocution, or really long numbers. 150217
...
raze ain't no party like a double negatives party. 150218
...
paste! If the ducks gargle, a sandstorm is coming. 150219
...
raze a day without diesel fumes is like a day without cotton candy. 150220
...
paste! A Penny saved is a Penny likely to be more careful next time, unless she simply has a danger wish. 150221
...
e_o_i There's no place like Antarctica. 150221
...
raze if it ain't yolk, don't jinx it. 150222
...
paste! laughter in codeine syrup is the best medicine 150223
...
raze you're only as bold as you salsa. 150224
...
raze be there, or be triangulated. 150225
...
raze supposedly winston churchill said this one:

"a lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." 		150226
...
e_o_i You don't bring "intertextuality" to an alphabet soup fight! (riffing off of "fences") 150301
...
raze as the teeth go, so goes the ability to chew with conviction. 150303
...
paste! dancing with the stairs is a crime of passion 150310
...
raze little pitchers have big spouts. 150311
...
raze an old favourite, c/o bob_dylan:

it takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry. 		150313
...
raze time shaves for no one. 150315
...
paste! it takes vanilla to raise a child 150315
...
raze don't borrow trouble; steal it, then sell it back to its owner at a grossly inflated price. 150316
...
paste! diligence not impulse giveth a false tooth superior chomp 150317
...
raze let your tour guide be your conscience. 150318
...
e_o_i Change a person, one world at a time. 150318
...
e_o_i Only YOU can unbend forest fires. 150318
...
raze it is what it ain't. 150319
...
paste! an axe to the face keeps the doctors busy 150319
...
paste! clothes only count in horseshoes and hand grenades when all is fair in love and war. 150319
...
raze sucrose-intolerant people don't make passes at bowls of molasses. 150320
...
raze if you're riding ahead of the herd, moon them. 150321
...
raze fools rush in where tires fear to show their tread marks. 150325
...
raze he who obscured it procured it. 150326
...
raze kindness is a four-way stop. 150328
...
paste! the best instincts and jellybeans should never be overlooked. 150328
...
raze it's not polite to do unprovoked backflips in the nude. 150329
...
raze still waters jog in place. 150331
...
paste! introduce the beekeeper of your soul to astronaut of your mind. 150401
...
raze you're never alone with a stalker who surgically attached their body to yours while you were sleeping. 150403
...
raze water-filled bilges sink ships. 150404
...
raze live simply, so that others may look at the way you live and say, "i could never live that way." 150407
...
paste! it's not the size of the man that counts in a fight, it's what number he's counting to. 150408
...
e_o_i Don't burn your bridges before they're hatched. 150408
...
raze it takes tools to verify the veracity of your tango. 150409
...
paste! let the chips fall where they may, but make sure the dip stays on the table. 150409
...
paste! nothing improves productivity like a lack of heroin. 150412
...
raze happiness walks on noisy cleats. 150414
...
raze the unsalted pretzel walks alone. 150417
...
raze (two walking ones in a row. d'oh. the pretzel shoulda barked or something instead.) 150417
...
paste! my way, or the frontage road 150417
...
raze storms make trees hyperventilate. 150419
...
paste! for seven years, you can walk under all ladders, if you ever see a black cat eating a rabbit's foot in a field of four leaf clovers. 150419
...
raze a new room weeps beans. 150428
...
raze rome wasn't built in a bucket. 150429
...
raze napkins often obscure the real tissues. 150514
...
e_o_i True beauty is what's inside, said the interior decorator to the architect. 150516
...
raze sometimes you feel like a pistachio. sometimes an almond. 150517
...
raze absolut vodka corrupts. 150525
...
raze the journey of a thousand miles begins with a heavy sigh and a whispered profanity. 150531
...
raze say it, don't projectile vomit it. 150602
...
e_o_i Life is like a potato chip: it never strikes the same place twice. 150602
...
raze two wrongs don't make an isosceles triangle. 150610
...
raze pies, like hearts, were meant to be eaten. 150612
...
raze where there's a will, there's a parent who chose to name them william. 150613
...
raze you can't teach an old clock new ticks. 150619
...
raze if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the potato. 150620
...
raze the tooth shall dent your knee. 150623
...
paste! old cow friends are better left in the pasture 150624
...
raze all that we see or seem is but a bizarre erotic interlude within a dream. 150707
...
raze this one c/o tom_waits:

never drive a car when you're dead. 		150709
...
raze give a mouse mouthwash and you'll have a friend for life. 150711
...
paste! take two thimbles of saltpeter daily for rights to levitation 150712
...
raze a shoplifted frock fits at least twice a day. 150714
...
raze you can't sublimate an onion without skinning a few space potatoes. 150717
...
raze only you can prevent toaster fires. 150718
...
raze nasal spray is the nectar of gods. 150723
...
raze there's no such thing as a common cold. every cold is unique, like a snowflake, or a blowfish. 150725
...
raze blood is not thicker than chocolate pudding. 150812
...
raze justice has indigestion. 150813
...
raze there are no boring places. only boring people. 150816
...
raze let he who is without shins bake the first scone. 150818
...
raze those who can't do throw packets of sugar at those who can. 150819
...
past if you don't want someone in your life, stop living in their guestroom. 150819
...
raze when it rains, it doesn't always pour. sometimes it drizzles. sometimes it spits. and once in a great while, it does the diagonal downward mambo. 150822
...
raze all things in moderation, except for procreation. 150823
...
raze accidental room service and distant pornography make strange bedfellows. 150824
...
raze there's no accountant for penguins. 150827
...
raze fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, maybe i'm on the gullible side. 150829
...
e_o_i Discretion is the better part of velour. 150831
...
e_o_i If you can't stand the heat, stay off the road to good intentions. 150831
...
paste! never use the word never when clarifying your opinion of red onions 150903
...
raze snow globe mind control isn't just for children between the ages of five and nine anymore. 150904
...
raze no nest for the bigot. 150905
...
raze i made my bed, and i'll tell lies in it. 151004
...
paste! my anaconda don't want none unless you got rodents, fish, birds, caiman,
turtles and even larger mammals. 		151019
...
raze this one comes from joe walsh:

the smoker you drink, the player you get. 		151111
...
algebra 1 e_o_i Love is a relation, not a function.

But if a function - you can't swing both ways without absolute values! 		151111
...
raze variety is the lice of strife. 151113
...
raze hope floats; despair steals a jet ski. 151115
...
raze a spy in the house of love is just a voyeur without binoculars. 151127
...
raze a crocheted heart never does back-flips in public. 151129
...
raze do not go gentle into that good gravy. 151203
...
raze the pork justifies the beans, even if the beans are burnt. 160121
...
raze some people can't see the fluoride for the peas. 160124
...
raze you're only as good as your last crossword puzzle. 160404
...
raze sometimes you're the insect, and sometimes you're the windshield. 160527
...
Canadian e_o_i "Money and the ethnic vote have no place in the bedrooms of our nation" means never having to say you're sorry. I'm sorry. 160624
...
raze anything is popsicle. 160803
...
e_o_i Capsaicin is the spice of life. 170111
...
raze without angst there can be no gangsters. 170602
...
raze when life gives you a holster without a gun, make your hand a firearm and shoot people with your index finger. if nothing else, you'll get some interesting reactions while firing blanks. 170625
...
raze if you can't stand the heat, stop jogging in the sauna. 170805
...
raze busy hands are god's hesitant tools. 171028
...
raze nobody knows you when you're dining out. 171224
...
raze new variation on an old theme:

only you can prevent porridge fires. 		181127
...
raze a toe by any other name would be on someone else's feet. 201116
...
unhinged saying you're sorry can fix anything

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-4yRmtIHbs 		201125
...
raze when it comes to cannibalism, the thigh's the limit. 210508
...
raze a spool and its thread are easily parted, unless someone slathers the bobbin with glue when you're not looking. 210808
...
paste! enduring dictators know the length of a great ruler is discovered with an equally great tape measure. 210810
...
raze time_turns_muffins_into_bricks. 210811
...
raze if music be the food of love, force-feed the ruddy bastard until its colon ruptures. 210814
...
raze the grass is always bluer on the banjo side. 210815
...
raze life isn't hair. 210827
...
raze behind every silver lining, or at least sewn into it, is a tag that says "made in taiwan". 211013
...
raze don't take anything for granite. 211024
...
raze grape juice is a virtue. 220213
...
raze some things never rearrange. 220214
...
raze money can't buy gassiness. 220216
...
raze you should always get a second onion. 220222
...
raze nothing tossed, nothing sprained. 220223
...
raze you are responsible for your own sundress and your own fennel. 220227
...
raze no arm can wear two plaster casts. 220228
...
raze april showers make wet birds. 220305
...
tender_square don't lick a gift tortoise in the mouth. 220305
...
past lower your standards to check expectations. 220305
...
past i did that wrong. now the words are just sounds and not words. lower you expectations to manage your standards? 220305
...
e_o_i let sleeping dogs wiggle 220305
...
raze everything dampens for a reason. 220313
...
raze change is the only custard in the universe. 220314
...
past being dressed is a state of mind. 220320
...
raze it's the journey, not the syncopation. 220322
...
raze there's no embalmer in a community of leaves. 220405
...
raze you can't ride a comet without breaking a few legs. 220406
...
raze to thine own shelf give books. 220412
...
raze buying a stainless steel double door samsung refrigerator for your bathroom might prove to be a fridge too far. 220414
...
raze a little college goes a long way. 220419
...
raze borrowed from jenny holzer:

dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective. 		220420
...
raze what goes around comes back in the next life as an anthropomorphic ferris wheel. 220422
...
raze better to be thought a spool than to unravel and remove all doubt. 220424
...
raze the ditches get deeper and the floor gets porous. 220425
...
raze c/o talib kweli:

life without knowledge is death in disguise. 		220426
...
raze mildew is our only rope for the future. 220427
...
raze another variation on an old theme:

sometimes it's hard to see the navel for the lint. 		220428
...
raze and another:

beer today, bong tomorrow. 		220429
...
raze a clam cannot serve as a sportscaster. 220501
...
raze rope is the only thing stronger than deer. 220503
...
raze middle age begins at forty. 220504
...
raze c/o george carlin:

"if you love someone, set them free. if they come_back, set them on fire." 		220505
...
raze yard work pays off. 220518
...
raze the tractors of the past become the lawnmowers that mold the future. 220528
...
raze to change bad habits, we must study the rabbits of successful role models. 220531
...
raze all movie franchises are created sequentially. 220606
...
raze he who smelted it is likely well versed in the art of metallurgy. 220608
...
e_o_i Live every day like it could be your past. 220609
...
past a doctor is never late, nor are they early, but you will never be on time for them because time is malleable in the hands of a medical practitioner. 220610
...
raze a grouse is not a gnome. 220612
...
raze we learn more when we're struck by hail than we do when it rains on our knees. 220617
...
raze i'll sleep when i'm bread. 220625
...
raze everything happens for a raisin. 220714
...
raze few things in life are curtains. 220722
...
past it's like riding a bike: you stop moving, you fall. 220722
...
raze boredom makes you do lazy things. 220728
...
raze a can can't know what it's like to be a bottle. 220729
...
tender_square better the deviled egg you know. 220729
...
raze sloppy blinking gets moist over time. 220730
...
raze whiskey before beer? never fear. beer before liquor? call the vicar. 220802
...
raze honey creates haste. 220804
...
raze another good one from jenny holzer:

much was decided before you were born. 		220805
...
raze time is voluble. 220806
...
raze you don't get what you fish for; you get what you twerk for. 220807
...
raze it isn't eggplant to complain. 220808
...
raze dead pens write no novels. 220809
...
raze don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by "after the goldrush". that's arguably a better neil young album than "harvest" anyway. 220811
...
raze a can can't know what it's like to be a bottle. 220812
...
past the easiest number of children to manage is one less than you have. 220812
...
raze friends are like balloons; if you stab them in the back, they tend to hiss and run away. 220817
...
raze if i'm not glistening, it doesn't matter what you're spraying. 220818
...
raze don't judge a face by its nosehair. 220901
...
raze every aircraft starts with the decision to fly. 220902
...
raze toast is just bread that's spent too much time in the sun. 220927
...
raze patience isn't bird poo. 221001
...
past perfect is the enemy of sanity 221002
...
raze some cupboards don't deserve the canned goods they're married to. 221012
...
raze drought kills more beams than nail boards ever will. 221015
...
raze it's all water under the fridge now. 221107
...
raze salivation can't be bought or sold. 221119
...
raze it's often the dogs that survive and the kittens that are eaten. 221126
...
raze steeples are responsible for their own actions, unless they're getting rained on. 221206
...
raze to be the best, you need only murder or maim your competition. 221218
...
past email inboxes are windows to the soul. 230124
...
tender_square cold tits, warm heart. 230212
...
raze a pain in the ass is worth two in the junk. 230216
...
raze be the strange you wish to see in the world. 230301
...
raze life is a cabernet. 230306
...
past better rejected by an automated script than ghosted by a human. 230317
...
raze spring showers make ditchwater sour. 230323
...
raze eyes are the windows of guacamole. 230325
...
past red ensigns are almost always metaphorical red_flags 230404
...
raze cheat others as you wish to be cheated. 230416
...
raze the bigger they are, the more frequently they stub their toes. 230425
...
raze he who lives by the sword must spend an awful lot of his idle time sharpening blades. 230426
...
raze it's no use crying over torn silk. 230427
...
raze it's all fun and games until someone bruises a thigh. 230430
...
raze an ill wind blows snot in your face. 230501
...
raze least dead, soonest befriended. 230502
...
raze a prison doesn't change its cots. 230503
...
raze cook before you sleep. 230508
...
raze a plan cannot live on hope alone. 230513
...
raze many are called, but few voicemail messages are left. 230517
...
raze bury in haste, exhume at leisure. 230518
...
raze mighty tokes from little roach joints grow. 230524
...
raze the more you churn, the less you grow. 230525
...
raze necessity is the mother of needy children. 230527
...
raze c/o the great robert wyatt:

ruth is stranger than richard. 		230529
...
raze two prongs don't make a fork. 230530
...
raze sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will slice right through me. 230531
...
raze sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bird shit. 230601
...
raze there are plenty of dishes in the sink. 230604
...
raze don't put all your gregs in one casket. 230605
...
raze we have nothing to sheer but sheep and shelves. 230606
...
past people accept none of the changes you don't make. 230606
...
raze forgive and regret. 230613
...
raze absolute power corrupts ace frehley. 230615
...
raze better to light a candle than curse the lack of lighter fluid. 230620
...
raze better to remain silent and be thought a spool than to speak and unravel. 230621
...
past you cannot talk yourself out of a headache. 230626
...
raze a latrine is worth a thousand turds. 230627
...
Soma The coconut doesn’t fall far from the tree, but the ocean carries it miles. 230627
...
Soma Hard work pays jack shit. 230627
...
raze call a spade a spaniel. 230628
...
raze blink outside the box. 230704
...
raze every shroud has a bamboo lining. 230707
...
raze the_buick_stops_here. 230725
...
raze gold rabbits cry lard. 230821
...
raze an outhouse is worth a thousand turds. 230822
...
raze there's no i in "team", but there *is* tea. 230828
...
raze thomas was the best edison. 230829
...
raze the road to bloat is paved with fluid retention. 230918
...
Soma a penny saved is a penny not bound for judeo-christian hell 230919
...
raze there but for the grace of gordon_downie go i. 230920
...
raze the first step is the steepest. 231002
...
raze a black hat always lands on its pleat. 231009
...
raze sometimes you peel like a hut. sometimes you don't. 231013
...
raze it's easier bled than sung. 231015
...
raze a pitcher's worth a mound of ice cubes. 231023
...
raze it grows without swaying. 231030
...
raze there's no eye_contact in online therapy. 231031
...
raze we maintain pulchritude. 231103
...
raze you don't miss your otter until you smell french fries. 231104
...
raze a drop in the ocean is a single spaghettio adrift on a sea of ring-shaped pasta. 231118
...
raze sometimes it's hard to tell the walnuts from the wood grain. 231123
...
raze baste not, flaunt not. 231129
...
raze ruth hides in plain sight. 231204
...
raze feet have nothing to fear but piers and shelves. 231205
...
raze a watched poet never writes an elegy. 231213
...
raze summer sloweth before the fall. 231219
...
Soma Not much was decided before you were dead. 231219
...
raze don't throw the gravy out with the tap water. 231221
...
raze neither dish nor towel nor fancy spatula. 231225
...
raze life's a jamaican. 231226
...
raze a mole is just an unplanned tattoo. 231227
...
raze every hose has its coupling. 231228
...
raze a loose cannon can't control the trajectory of its own balls. 240109
...
raze sometimes it's hard to hear the chorus for the cheese. 240201
...
raze if it ain't baroque, don't fix it. 240211
...
raze monet changes everything. 240215
...
raze dinner before dessert, you might get hurt. dessert before dinner, never thinner. 240308
...
raze slime will smell. 240408
...
raze every ambrose has their bjorn. 240426
...
e_o_i use_your_words_not_your_piano 240427
...
e_o_i phonology doesn't care about your pheelings 240501
...
raze we'll floss that fridge when we fill it. 240522
...
raze it ain't clover 'til the cat lady sings. 240523
...
raze read_between_the_lies. 240525
...
raze make clay while the gun whines. 240526
...
raze spare the cod, spoil the beguiled. 240527
...
raze you are what you repeat. 240531
...
raze don't grow your own corn. 240611
...
raze two loaves of bread are better than a gun. 240713
...
raze put your best foot in a suitable slipper. 240720
...
raze this one's from bobbie_louise_hawkins:

a closed mouth gathers no feet. 		240812
...
raze someone broke up on the wrong side of the bread. 240815
...
raze don't book a judge for a wedding band. 240824
...
raze another shirt, another collar. 241001
...
raze an unwatched watch tells untrue time. 241015
...
raze when in rome, do try to visit the trevi fountain. 241030
...
raze comparison is the grief of happenstance. 241110
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