angst birdmad some thing that many of us are constantly coping with in some form or other going in some strange decaying orbit from simple dissatisfaction to outright despair to something i cannot even begin to fathom it's even beginning to limit my entertainment options, thus magnifying the malaise romances and melodramas frustrate me not for their lack of the spectacular and gratuitous (y'all know what i mean...tits and explosions) they frustrate me when they serve to remind me of times and places that are lost to me now the big event pictures don't have the same attraction that they usually have because i know how they will usually turn out even the pornography has lost its allure loud music makes me feel immature, the quiet contemplative stuff makes me feel like some black-clad cliche i've read all my books dozens of times the taste of liquor makes my stomach turn anymore and all my connections to good drugs have been evaporating over the years i am slowly burying myself in trash some days i don't sleep today i slept for sixteen hours and what scares me even more sometimes is the knowledge that there are ther who endure the same thing but even worse is knowing that compared to many on this earth, i've got it easy but knowing that there are those whose suffering is truer and more dire than my angst just adds to it and i can only hold this jesus christ pose for so long 010217 ... silentbob that funny word that rhymes with 'thanks' they decided to stick my picture next to in the dictionary. damn that webster! 010218 ... nocturnal I just looked it up in my Webster's to check how it's pronounced (ongst or angst) and it's not even in there 010219 ... misstree sometimes, when you're wrapped in razor wire, all you can do is twist and enjoy it. 010220 ... Cicero A slight nod Of affirmation - a small Glance of reassurance Would sing peace to my soul. Something wobbles inside My heart like a rope bride Stretched cross a gully. She is the Queen, not apt To give her affection to just Any suitor, though she find one Suitable. She yearns for another And I sit in the court with the rest Praying for a glance from on high. If granted an audience I would spill my love like A messy child - so it seems, methinks, to her. Aphrodite - my heart is thine. 030108 ... jane german for "fear" 030109 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Tomorrow I'm turning 27 but my angst content is pure high school. I mean, potential break-up, too much homework, and, oh, yeah, I just installed Microsoft Word 2013 on my mom's computer because it has a better search feature than the older one (O blessed Navigation Pane) but somehow I erased the shortcut to her Outlook email and we haven't been able to find it. She's not too happy about that. Lemme just rant a bit: FUCKING COMPUTERS, MAN and why don't I have a newer one myself so I could just install the newer Word on mine except mine is old boo hoo hoo. There. I think I should move out, maybe after the raspberries are ripe. I keep messing things up. It cost $90. Raspberries cost $90. Something cost $90. A fucking navigation pane cost $90 and why doesn't Mom have gmail instead of computer-dependent mail anyway. 150619 what's it to you? who go blather from