plastic_jesus trad and anon Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. {Refrain} Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. I don't care if it rains or freezes As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent, glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're traveling far I don't care if it's dark or scary, Long as I have magnetic Mary Ridin' on the dashboard of my car I feel I'm protected amply I've got the whole damn Holy Family Riding on the dashboard of my car You can buy a Sweet Madonna, Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a Pedestal of abalone shell Goin' ninety, I'm not wary 'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell I don't care if it bumps or jostles Long as I got the Twelve Apostles Bolted to the dashboard of my car Don't I have a pious mess such a crowd of holiness Strung across the dashboard of my car No, I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car But I think he'll have to go his magnet ruins my radio And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar Riding through the thoroughfare with his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind Trouble coming, he don't see, He just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun shines on his back Makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par When pedestrians try to cross ,I let them know who's boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town Trying to run them down And it's seldom that they live to see the morning Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right and I use it as a sight And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far When I'm in a traffic jam, He don't care if I say Damn I can let all sorts of curses roll, Plastic Jesus doesn't hear For he has a plastic ear The man who invented plastic saved my soul Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Once his robe was snowy white Now it isn't quite so bright Stained by the smoke of my cigar God made Christ a Holy Jew, God made Him a Christian too Paradoxes populate my car Joseph beams with a feigned élan From the shaggy dash of my furlined van Famous cuckold in the master plan Naughty Mary, smug and smiling Jesus dainty and beguiling Knee-deep in the piling of my van His message clear by night or day My phosphorescent plastic Gay Simpering from the dashboard of my van When I'm goin' fornicatin I got my ceramic Satan Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home The women know I'm on the level Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home Leering from the dashboard of my van If I weave around at night, And the police think I'm tight They'll never find my bottle, though they ask Plastic Jesus shelters me, For His head comes off, you see He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus, Riding on the dashboard of my car Ride with me and have a dram Of the blood of the Lamb Plastic Jesus is a holy bar 010606 ... Aimee http://www.jesusdance.com 010607 ... carbon black birdmad naugahyde christ PVC saviour polymer messiah plexi-god 010607 ... *Ziima* plastic jesus on a wooden cross. who gives a fuck? its just a reminder to people that either they be Christian, or burn/become persecuted/suffer the lives of outcasts. Damn Spanish Inquisition... 010609 ... sweetheart of the song tra bong I got a plastic Jesus, a cordless telephone for every corner of my room, got everybody but you telling me what to do.. It's Jewel. I can never tell if I like her or not. 010610 ... birdmad i went to a catholic_school there was a plastic_jesus on a wooden cross on one of the pillars in the band room one day, the class dumbass pissed off the other guys in the percussion section and got thrown against the pillar, causing tbe plastic_jesus to beakk off the cross it was a nice sturdy jesus to survive such an impact, but the funniest part was a few weeks later... the same dumbass was going off on some bigoted tirade yet still trying to maintain what a great christian he was - unable to take anymore of his stupdity, i grabbed the plastic jesus off of his cross, fixed a rubberband between the thumbs, and used it as a slingshot to fling spitwads at him the look on his face was priceless 010610 ... nemo i have a metal bike license plate that says jesus on it, i guess thats close enough 010614 ... nemo i didnt mean to blather that, it was an accident 010614 ... girl_jane I used to go to a catholic school, too. I even had those little plaid skirts. I'm glad I got out when I did. 020223 ... pushpins I have a plastic jesus action figure. I just thought it was funny. The box advertised poseable arms and "gliding action". I plan on buying some other action figures and making them suffer at the hands of "jebus the destroyer" (my lil nickname for the doll. Its sweet, really.) but...seriously folks... I used to have the doll on this shelf facing me when I laid in bed. And I kept having nightmares. And he gave me the heebie-jeebies. so I put him face down in a dresser drawer, and he's stayed there for a couple months. I stopped having nightmares. *shudder* 020223 ... little horn heebie_jeebies 020223 ... misstree www.divine-interventions.com over 18 only, please. :) 020224 ... Judas Jesus and god sold separetely, batteries not included. The company will not be held responcible for the mind numbing stupidity that will inevitably produce the purchase of this product. 020224 ... blueberry 99 cent candles at the grocery store 020224 ... lady lunchbox my family hasn't been to church since 1991, but my mother still has three plastic jesus nitelites illuminating the hallways in our house. she always gets so upset when i *accidentally* knock one of them out of the wall. i don't need a plastic savior to light my way. 020225 ... Plastic Jesus I am your Plastic Jesus I killed all of your fucking heroes! 021227 ... xyngvie (the Minor) Oh, so nasty Plastic Jesus, so exposed, so vulnerable. Childlike in your rebellion, unaware, you live within your small "box" of known logic. Plastic nirvana. Physical emptiness. I kill my own Hereos, as I (d)evolve, just as I create(d) them as I (d)evolve. Unbeknownst to you, I ride the fiery Chariot above You, watching, pondering, waiting. Shall you be allowed to exist, yet another Day, or be reduced in a mil-a-second by my gaze of intendancy! 030702 ... Rx PLastic_jesus is my hero! 050504 what's it to you? who go blather from