how_to_tell_you're_not_over_someone nonlucid so i wake up this morning, all cool first day of school, i can take this, get on the bus, chat to this cute guy named Luke... bunny suicides and slashing your wrists with calculus scalpels and stuff and i watched half of american beauty in the library, and I was completely on top of the world... talking to old friends left, right, and centre walk casually up to my first class of the day, a couple people waiting outside, i hang around vaguely and then he appears out of nowhere, and SHIT!!! heart skips a beat or fifty, i turn away angrily but he doesn't notice, become tense and jumpy and wait for him to walk over says casually "what the hell'd you do to your hair, eh?", and talks to the girl a few feet away from me no, i'm not seething with jealousy walks into class, sits in the corner where he always sits with his friends, looks exactly the same as he did in every single one of of the classes i've had with him and shyyyte he glances over at me briefly, laughs when the teacher mentions uber-math-skillz, just like every single other time before i know i don't have any other classes with him... it's just going to be like this for the next fifteen weeks an hour and a half, twice a week thirty times I have to see him, ignore him, get over him Shit. Shit. Shit. I'd blocked him, I was fine with that, he was out of my heart, my thoughts, my life SHIT! wtf is this? I so don't need this... I actually have friends, I run into people in the halls every three and a half seconds who I know, laugh and talk and hang out and happily do nothing fuck. you have no idea how horrible i felt when i saw him... bloody fucking hell i swear... i... gah... 050830 ... birdmad well, i'm not all pining and mopey over her anymore, but i'm not quite done being nasty, spiteful and generally catty yet either, so i guess that's how i can tell 050830 ... unhinged when you miss someone specifically and not just because you are lonely; she was right. it takes about two years for the specific longing to fade away completely. 050830 ... dafremen I told my daughter it would take 3 years about 5 minutes ago. And for my part, I wouldn't call it a longing. At least not a longing for the person. For me its a longing for what has been lost. A longing for that magical thing that kept the prose, poetry and music flowing. A longing for my muse, my adored beloved again. But she is lost to me and now I must console myself with dusty tomes of astrological lore and girls gone wild videos. (Note to self..move dustier tomes to attic to make room for soon-to-be-ordered video collection.) 050830 ... dafremen Ok so either I wouldn't call it a longing or I would. Lemme think about it for a second longer than I did a second ago. I wouldn't. No, more like an aching. Like someone pulled a tooth and the socket throbs. 050830 ... andru235 [i draw pictures of someone i haven't seen once in my previous two-hundred lives] 050830 ... stork daddy i was driving once and was overcome with a profound grief. sure it was my fault, but it didn't stop me from wanting. from childlishly wanting. and crying loudly i smashed at the steering wheel of my car. the motorist behind me calmly merged out of my lane and passed me. 050830 ... nonlucid fuck. I just unblocked him and he's all "blah blah i'm buying a new gold pen blah blah blah" exactly the fucking same as before and he noticed i hadn't been online in a month, heh. and he's still totally self-absorbed and has nothing interesting to say maybe i don't either, maybe we're just utterly incompatible but still fucktard curses for the fifth, sixth, and seventh times in her life 050831 ... chuckles but then if you're wondering if you are over him then at least you know IT is over. i'm up the air at the moment. so fucking up in the air. 050831 ... unhinged when the thought of them fucking someone else still pisses you off 050831 ... nonlucid write me something on blank paper, and i will destroy your life he says to me ... *anger* 050901 ... Piso Mojado when you are aware of that ever-present empty space where they used to be like eating dinner with a black hole in the seat across from you, weighing down each forkful like laughter dying on your lips when you remember that you cannot share that story with them like a dark halo in your mirrored reflection, clouding face into blank stare 050907 ... Piso Mojado she appears again and again and again in the nightly theatre of my mind 051111 ... jane oh piso, have you got it down 051111 ... emmi i'm a little further from suicide but can't think of him without crying 051111 ... oren When she tells you to clean_up this_mess and you do_it because you don't want to lose your job. 051111 ... laurah you still haven't deleted that jessica simpson song from your ipod 051116 ... highanddry When hearing about their sexual escapades makes you swallow a handful of Advil, and press a lit cigarette into your wrist. 060124 what's it to you? who go blather from