chuck_norris Twitch even I am starting to participate in this fad. I mean...there's to many jokes not to. It was Conan O'Brien who started this whole thing, right? 060114 ... Twitch damn... I've actually misspelled too. WHY!!!!!!!!!! 060114 ... stork daddy it was mma.tv probably. i wouldn't put it past those guys. 060114 ... no reason chuck norris can touch mc hammer. why oh why is he so omnipresent lately? 060114 ... jane we watched this movie 'blood simple' last night & had to rewind this part like eight thousand times when the guy drives by & it's like a hick rendition of chuck norris who turns & smiles a dirty smile & gives the single barrel hand shot. 060118 ... megan -Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. -Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. -Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. -Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. -When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. -Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. -Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. -Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. -Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. -A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. -To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. -The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. -Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. -Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. -Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". -Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" -Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks. -The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. -After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane". -Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. -Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. -Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong. -Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. -If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. -Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. -Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change. -Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. -One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris. -Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. 060119 ... led pez Chuck Norris is 70 years old and still has all of his teeth..and those of anyone he's ever roundhouse kicked. 100617 ... led pez Chuck Norris located Osama Bin Laden on September 12th. He hasn't been hiding in a hole in the ground...he was roundhouse kicked there. 100617 ... led pez No substance on earth is hard enough to cut Chuck Norris' beard, therefore he doesn't shave. He wills it not to grow. 100617 ... led pez Aliens once tried to abduct Chuck Norris. He fucked them all in the ass and roundhouse kicked them home. 100617 ... led pez Chuck Norris once stared straight into the sun. The sun blinked first. 100617 ... led pez Chuck Norris tried to destroy the Metal..and succeeded. 100617 ... unhinged christina the walker_texas_ranger lever on conan 100617 ... Led Pez Chuck Norris doesn't use Viagra. Viagra does, however, use the highly active ingredient: Chuck Norris. 120306 ... led pez Chuck Norris' beard is indestructible, therefore he doesn't shave it. He gives it a withering stare..and it withers. 120306 what's it to you? who go blather from