silentbob But he was most definitely not fine. Because everything in his entire world was now smashed. Everything he thought to be golden had now turned to rust. All his caring for her was now turned to hatred and it wasn’t even lunch time. Despite his sudden mood swing he was famished. He needed pizza. Hot. Cheesy. With lots of tomato sauce.
"Would you like to have lunch with me?" he asked her.
"Are you fucking retarded?" she almost shouted in his ear. "I just broke up with you! Why the hell would I want to eat lunch with you? Every word you say is another hate trip I go through! Just get out of my apartment before I vomit!"
"But...I pay more rent than you," he said quietly.
"I don’t give a rat fuck! You will get the hell out of here before I take my press on nails and drag them down your face! Shit! I think I’m going to be sick…"
He turned around and walked out of the apartment he had lived in with her in for 2 years. Just last night they had been making out on his…….her couch. Why would he suddenly make her sick? What had he done? He couldn’t concentrate.
He left their……her building and walked out into the city. He took a walk by the park and watched the teeter totter where they had had their first walk together. And there was the bench where she kissed him for the first time. He kept walking
Things were going to change, he realized for the first time. He would no longer have someone to hold, to sit and watch movies with, to sleep next to. He was alone now. Why had she suddenly changed her mind? What had caused it? This was the second time such a huge change in his life was made for no apparent reason and so suddenly.
The first time had been with his father when he was 10. Every day he and his father would go to the zoo and watch the elephants reproduce. Then one day his dad bought the zoo, shot the elephants, and made him cut off their trunks. "You gotta learn to be tough, Brent. You gotta keep your head up high and hold your frown and cut with all of God’s pride."
This had sent him on a spiral of insanity which he had not expected. This changed his life forever. He began dressing in women’s clothing and walking the streets at night as a prostitute. His father tried to explain to him that boys should dress like men and women should dress like whores and after a while he saw his fathers point. But it took time.
There were other changes in his life of course, but those took more than just the few minutes that the two life-impacting occurrences spoken about here took to happen. They happened over time. Weeks, months, and when he cut his little brother’s throat when he was 20, that took years to get over.
And here he was again. Face to face with a life-impacting situation, a huge personality change which had only taken approximately 2 minutes to absorb him and develop into a problem. 2 years of love, sex, and hanging out, all thrown down the drain and why? Fucked if he knew.
He sat outside her window and tried to see if he could see her taking a shower. He lost his footing and crashed to the sidewalk below. He landed on a dog. An angry dog. And the dog caught him in his its mouth and proceeded to maul and gnaw until there was nothing left but shreds of bloody flesh. This was a life well-lived and a life quickly-lost.
ziggy much too fast 020713
tisha cries 020713
~gez~ you have inspired me to work hard in school.
you have done widened my musical horizons, a bit.
since i have been with you my social life has rocketted (i think it is your fault).
and you have made me seemingly one of the happiest people i know.
though no, i do not show it most of the time.
werewolf i look at all the things you said once to someone else. and i see they still apply. and that's when it occurs to me. 021009
rubydee becoming_selfless 030714
ziggy stardust so_i_turned_myself_to_face_me 030714
delial seems that with all the changes that take place, certain things remain constant. and it's only after being hurt by so many changes, and seeing things shift and evolve, that i finally realize things that are really important to me have stuck through the changes. and while these things may themselves change, they don't change away from me. and i guess that's comforting.

then again, maybe that's my headache talking.

ferret changes_good 030715
jane ch ch ch changes 030715
sarah i dont like change
it gives me migraines
i get so stressed out
-she tells me that it was a mistake-
i hate hearing that
it could have been different
i wouldnt be in such a bad mental state
we would be happier
what's it to you?
who go