affame_le_geant_she_began_to_weep fyn gula "we can't go back to montamore tonight," twinkletoes said, looking out the window of the farmhouse. snow continued to fall heavy in the first darkness after sunset. "it's wicked out there in these conditions, besides the morning forecast predicts clemency." he put the curtains back and stood beside thora. he noticed couge had disappeared from the living room, its dust still settling from the recent disturbance. perhaps in an effort to extinguish his prior anger. out of sight, out of mind. seconds later music could be heard, filtering in from the kitchen. sleater-kinney, one beat." twinkletoes knew it was his brother's attempt at peace with the mandrill. and now what would be his offering? ignet blackfire was afraid. she still felt determined in her frazzled soul that waiting until morning was at the very least dangerous, if not tragic. yet, she chose not to reveal her apprehension, electing instead to remain silent and compliant out of respect for the fresh mercy bestowed upon her. mandrills in kemulya, as result of their despicable surgical practices and black-market reputaions were seen as displaced outlaws, social outcasts deemed pariahs to any group, class, or community along the bianca strada. even taking one in for medical attention was running the risk of slander, and god forbid, ostracism. "let me show you to the guest room, " praayli said, taking ignet by the good hand. "you must be exhausted. you can get some rest and we'll get an early start in the morning. but first, we can unwrap the bandage and couge will come and stitch it for you." "thank you," ignet said, following behind praayli, up the wooden stairs. they were stained oak with the faces painted white and creaked with the weight of the women. the walls were plum and the handrail had a long run of saran wrap attached to the bottom, next to the floor to prevent max, the siamese kitten from falling through the slats. the guest room was at the top of the stairs, first door on the left. it was white plank boards with a black lift handle. a metal dragonfly knocker was nailed into the middle. praayli opened the door and out of nowhere, a large female siamese brushed past ignet's legs and into the room. she immediately flopped down upon the red carpet with weaved designs of hearts and birds and lightly meowed for praayli to rub her belly. "oh, you little brown girl," she said, giving in to her request. ignet looked around. she saw a futon on a arched steel frame with its amish quilt next to a window that looked out to mt. lapis. a large amoire with a fishbowl on top held a stereo, cds, and clothes. an ikea art table that was set up against the other window held prismacolors and paintbrushes and had a view of the gardens and goat shed. there was a nightstand full of beads for making jewelery and shelves full of every kind of paper imaginable. on the walls were acrylic and watercolor paintings that both couge and praayli did. "this is so nice," ignet said. she sat on the bed and sighed. the cat jumped into her lap. "thank you again, praayli, you have done so much for me." "i know none of this has been easy for you," praayli said, walking to the doorway. she could hear the music from down below and the scent of woodsmoke was strong as if a gust of wind had backed up inside the chimney. "but think of it this way...if you would not have cut your hand, what would you have done?" ignet thought, but not for long. her original purpose was etched in the stone of her determination. "i would have foned proina and continued on to deliver the flesh of puppertwinkle, meeting the obligations of my contract." she answered, a willing discussion partner. "what would she have paid you for it?" praayli asked, her tone serious, as if the information was what was required as payment for the grace given to her. ignet hesitated. she was embarrassed. "one hundred euro," she said. praayli was shocked, but her face betrayed her. she said nothing in return. ignet was frightened by her silence and trying desperately to convey a need for which she had not learned the proper phrase, she began to weep. praayli did not move to comfort her. instead she turned away. "couge will be up to stitch you. and then we will try to fix your horrible mistake. good night." and she left her alone. 030130 ... unhinged what has happened to my life? i'm still here but i'm already disconnected. and sometimes when i try to fall asleep at night, when i sit here, when i can curl up into a ball, i have these scars that itch when my heart begins to crack. bitter_tears need sugar smiles to make edible. when i am alone at night i think of all the silly little things we've said to each other that are probably impossible. but you give me hope, even if it is only enough to keep from bleeding. i want to bleed so bad. where have i fallen to? 030131 what's it to you? who go blather from