oblivion we won't fight to be let back in.
we will not voice our concern if it will be thrown in our faces.
so in silent footsteps we say hello.
only to remind you of life on the other side of the moon.

and so those who do not belong, relinquish their weapons.
for they are not needed, they were never needed.

you would be stupid if you thought it took me this long to find you.
but I know my words grate on you.
oblivion alright..fine..
this is me, "just leaving you alone"

fuck you and your alibis
fuck you
and your words
fix 041129
. witty 041227
[ho; fight until the fingernails come off, what choice to we have? 041227
phil *to=do 041227
palm Alright FINE I fucking love you OKAY! 050306
mourninglight "even hell is governed by love." 050315
syd i've been looking all over the place for a place for me. but it ain't anywhere. 051017
icy oh, oops, i don't think i'm sposed to be here... 051017
Lemon_Soda Not belong? NOT belong? Our place is right were we are, heading right were we're heading.

Only the particular live in misery.
Syrope so tired of being lonely

haven't i said this before?
andru235 i, for one, can't just flip a switch and stop being particular. i have spent much time at various junctures of my life trying to change my tastes and with little success: my sexuality, my music prefences, my sense of humor, my appetite, what i want from life...

you can't change what you want. if you can, you didn't really want it.

to those who aren't particular, super. but some of us are particular, whether we like it or not. it's too easy and convenient to simply blame those of us who are outsiders for our own's usually much more complex than that.
LegionB4U I am the product of my decisions. I am responsible for me. I am what I believe I must be and I act accordingly. There is no blame, no fault, outside of my self. I am. Sometimes I decide things based on how I feel, like all animals. I allow my environment to shape and direct me as the tide moves a swimmer treading water. Sometimes I decide things after thinking about them and realizing whats best. Like the swimmer who sees the island in the distance and despite his aching body and empty stomach, he swims toward his goal.

It is easy to say that this is who I am, because that is how I feel. It is the most convieniant answer. No effort is required to feel the way i do because it just so happens to be the way i feel. Were i to committ to something outside of myself, something i perhaps didn't even understand, and may never understand, yet strive for anyway, that would be like swimming to the island. It would be easier to tread water, but I know I will drown. It is only a question of time. If i swim, I may drown still. But atleast I have a chance not to.

But you are not me. You may know something I don't. This writing, this is me. What you wrote just above ...thats you. Thats your roomate. Thats who you live with. That is how you present yourself. Life is tricky in that I can never get away from myself, but i think I got it beat...I'll just work at being someone I would like to be around. Someone I can look up to. A tolerant, wise, hardworking, loveing person. I know thats not who I am, I could never fool myself that comepletely. But i can swim towards that island, I can look at how I act and how I think and against all the pains, aches, and cravings make the decisions that person would make. Hopefully one day I'll reach the island, wake up, and realize I'm exactly who i wanted to be. Or I'll die trying.

But again, thats me, not you.
falling_alone i haven't found my place where i belong
even here
i feel as though i continue to waste everyone's time
and there
i haven't made any friends
i seem to go myself, aloof
trying to pretend i'm waiting
i keep wanting to go home
but everytime i'm there
i'm not.
andru235 there is a difference, of course, between the house you live at and your's possible to go through a whole life without ever being home! likewise, one can be at home in the midst of a forest, etc.

if, hypothetically, there were many many many other worlds of existence, and also multiple lives, it would suddenly make perfect sense why in spite of everything, some people continually feel lonely, yet have normal dopamine/serotonin/norepinephrine/etc functioning.

i've learned to not feel bad about not belonging. once i stopped feeling bad about it, the clouds parted and i started to see *why*.
andru235 not that it really makes lonliness any funner. 051021
andru235 don't talk to me. 051021
andru235 [[[please please please talk to me]]] 051021
is talking to you you're funny. 051021
heartfeltsuperego aren't anybody's property
aren't subject to laws
are inalienably free
D wow, i don't know how this is mine. but it is mine to claim.

D Hmmm...on the list I will halve or may-be,


past even hell is governed by love. in the end you don't get what you need, but you always get what you want. 121222
D yes.
a ghost
of me
straying around
the outsides
of me
what's it to you?
who go