this_is_what_i_want_to_say_today klarchen People often complain that music is too ambiguous, that what they should think when they hear it is so unclear, whereas everyone understands words. With me it is exactly the opposite, and not only with regard to an entire speech but also with individual words. Words seem to me to be so ambiguous, so vague, so easily misunderstood in comparison to genuine music, which fills the soul with a thousand things better than words. 000624 ... . : * p s y b o r g * : . I say I'm not an optimist, and I try not to be, but I can't help it. It just comes naturally for me. If I want something, I can't understand why I can't have it. I tell myself lies so I'll be happy. I tell myself Justin likes me if he smiles at me. Or "checks me out" from across the cafeteria. When he really isn't, and is probably just staring into space and happens to be looking in my direction. But hey, it could happen. That must be my philosophy on life. "Hey, it could happen." And everything will turn out the way I want. But it just doesn't happen sometimes, and I have no reason to wonder why. Justin: if you ever overhear me saying your name or talking about you with my friends, take it as a green light if you really do like me. Hopefully. You have kinda been smiling at me lately and all. And you said hi to Tiffany, one of my friends, and if you didn't like me, you probably wouldn't have cared about my friends. I mean, they're a source of info if you're interested. God, I'm really droning on here, so I should probably end this. Bye. 011104 ... unhinged i was as happy as i usually get today until i ate dinner with you for the first time in over a month and i realized that i meant nothing to you. it would probably be a good idea if i forgot your phone number, if i forgot you existed. it seems you have done a pretty good job of that. and people wonder what's wrong with me all the time...somewhere out there that little mouse used to wail. i wish that i could have kept that kitten...i need a small animal to be dependent on me and love me in the form of purrs. FUCK YOU ALL YOU STUPID PROFESSORS FOR ALWAYS SCHEDULING TESTS AT THE SAME TIME. (and a small fuck you goes out to all the stupid fucks of 19th century music history) "you sure are angry today" i'm angry every damn day 011104 ... ItGirl I want to say... this is all i am. I can't be anything else... more caring, more funny. I cna't like other movies, or other songs, or other people. I can't understand everything, but i'm not stupid... and i do mean it when I say I love you. I love you passionatly. I can't be her and in a very small way I'm sorrie for that, but I wish you could love me for what I am... someone who cares. 030707 ... lucy i used to believe in the power of words, but now, there are just too many around being wasted or used in a wrong way. you make me feel like a child. 060326 ... bb35 my grandpa is slowly dying, for real this time. the doctors say there is nothing more than can do for him but lessen the pain. he's in his early 90's. i want him to be at peace but he's my favorite person in the whole world. and yet, i can't help but think about this guy i just "met" online and how it's starting out so well. 060326 ... overcome That regardless of how far one has come, there will always be another goal toward which to stive, another obstacle to test our resolve - our ability to overcome. 060326 ... sirflaccid Maybe, slightly over a few words today. Everyday conversation is trivial and the need to speak is fleeting. If, after it all, we can't communicate... Then... I don't know... These twenty-four hours have been rather internal, and thoughtful. I just don't have the energy to do this again. 060326 ... falling_alone i really wish you wouldn't change your mind so often, that i become confused, and less self confident with each uttered word. you had told me to do exactly what i did, and today you critiqued the hell out of it. you told them theres no use in knowing they can follow directions, yet here you are telling me to redo as you say. whereupon our next meeting, it won't work for you. and i find myself hating this challenge, annoyed at you yourself, but knowing i'll try and see if you'll have space for me again. and so the dance repeats. 060327 ... nocturnal good night. 060328 ... poet im sorry that you dont understand the concept of me needing some space, but we just ended a 2 year relationship. i cant just go from that to your best friend. and dont give me this abandoning you bullshit. i need some time away from you. please deal with it, and i will talk to you when i am ready. 060328 what's it to you? who go blather from