other_jokes Brad A husband and wife have ten kids. The husband asks the wife one day, "you know, our youngest doesn't look like all our other kids... does he have a different father?" The wife, looking ashamed, admits "yes." The dad, looking sad, says "Well, wil you at least tell me who?" The mother, looking somewhat sheepish, says "you." 000611 ... birdmad two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks 000611 ... Brad A bear and a rabbit are standing next to each other pooping. The bear asks the rabbit, "Ever have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit answers "no." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. 000611 ... birdmad from steven wright: "Yeah, i've been really depressed lately, you wouldn't really know it though. Anyway, my last suicide attempt, i jumped off the roof of a highrise and somehow did this really crazy somersault and twist in the air and landed on my feet. No one was there to see it except for two kittens in the alley. One looked at the other and said "see, THAT'S how we do it." 000611 ... Brad a man walks into a convenience store, picks up a roll of toilet paper, a case of beer and a porn magazine. The female clerk looks at what he has bought and says "single, huh?" He says "yeah, how'd you know?" The clerk says "Because you're fucking ugly" 000611 ... birdmad which is why it is a good rule never to buy beer porn and toilet_paper in the same store 000611 ... grendel Q: What's white, gooey and rains from the sky? A: The COming of the Lord 000611 ... birdmad jesus is standing before the mob as they are about to stone the adulterous woman he shouts to the crowd: "If there is one among you who is without sin, let him cast the first stone!" suddenly, a rock falls from the sky and smacks Jesus on the head He looks up,shakes his fist and yells: "NOT FUNNY, DAD!" 000611 ... Brad a man walks into an elevator. Before he realizes what's going on, the door closes, and he realizes he's in an elevator with both Kenny G and Michael Bolton. He is relieved to remember that he has brought his gun, but saddened to find that he only has one bullet. Doing the logical thing, he shoots himself. 000611 ... The Schleiffen Man what did the pencil say to the piece of paper? I dot my i's on you! 000612 ... emily Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. One of the tall trees says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in. 000612 ... kristin What has two legs and bleeds?? Half a cat 000612 ... emily An old man, Mr. Silverberg, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad, and Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong. Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr.Silverberg, “My penis died today." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr.Silverberg, please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr. Silverberg was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr.Silverberg,” she said, ”I thought you told me that your penis had died?" "It did, ”he replied. "Today’s the viewing.” 000612 ... kristin Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock. 000612 ... kristin Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock. 000612 ... typhoid q: why did the blond go to church? a: because she heard there was a guy hung like this (stretch arms far apart) 000613 ... emily At the Senior Citizens’ luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?” All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn’t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he’d had in years. They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?” There she went again. She stripped off her clothes and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the old gentleman so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and so here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river and the gentleman asks, “Well, do you want to go up or down?” The woman replied, “Down.” A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asks the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?” She replied, “Up.” This really confused the gentleman so he asks, “What’s the deal? Every time yesterday that I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing.” She replied, “Well, yesterday I didn’t have my hearing aid in and I thought you said ‘fuck or drown’!” 000621 ... emily okay.....after i took all that effort to blather that joke...i looked back at it and realized how really lame and not funny it was....my apologies to all :-) 000621 ... randomly recent lol@birdmad's jesus joke (the 'cast the first stone' one) ! 040108 ... Deomis Q: How do you make a cat sound like a dog? A: Take a can of gasoline, dump it on the cat, put a light match to it, and the cat will go WOOOF! . 040725 ... Deomis Q: How do you make a cat sound like a dog? A: Take a can of gasoline, dump it on the cat, put a lit match to it, and the cat will go WOOOF! . 040725 what's it to you? who go blather from